Sunday, May 31, 2009


I got up today, and tried to do a few things around the house, but i tire so easily, and my fever spiked again. I did clean my bathroom, and vanity area, picked up my bedroom, and directed my children to step it up a notch and get their chores done.

Ben is still not feeling well, and i think it would really annoy him to come into a mess. The living room, dining area, and kitchen are clean, but Jonathan has not cleaned the stairs, entryway or dining room. I am going to try and polish my furniture. It is so hard to keep my bedroom neat and clean while Ben is in the middle of a bathroom remodel and stuff is everywhere.

Yesterday, i played with decorating the vanity case i bought at the Salvation Army. After Rosemarys' last yard sale, she gave me tons of things that didn't sell. Included in that were sheets of pictures, and tons of old lace. I put the pictures away because they were so pretty, and the lace i put in a pretty basket. I cut out a bunch of flowers and glued them onto the case. I trimmed it all out in ancient ecru lace. It looks really cute. I would like to have put some old buttons on it , but i couldn't get them to stick. I may call Rosie tomorrow, and see if she has a suggestion.

I would like to get my new sewing machine out, and play with it, but i really don't have the energy for something real involved. I bought 4 napkins and a tablecloth at the junk store a while back for 5.00. I love the silvery gray color with white filigree decorations. I plan to turn the napkins into pillows for my bed. My bedspread is a purple/lilac damask print. My bedroom is painted lilac with sage green accents. I plan to make a valance out of the tablecloth and use it with a sheer white panel. The bathroom will be mint green with white beadboard and brushed nickel fixtures.

Wish me luck, i haven't used a sewing machine in years, but i used to be able to sew a straight seam. Lets hope i still can. This should be a simple project. Those may go down as famous last words, and i take everything to Granny and say help me....

It sounds simple, turn the napkins inside out. Pin the sides together. Sew 3 sides, stuff pillos in, and hand sew last side shut...any idiot, should be able to do it....i'll let you know if i am an idiot, or not....

I saw a beautiful lamp in my better homes and garden magazine, it is silver with a white drum shade, the only drawback was the price. 196.00, be still my heart....I bought 2 lamps at a yard sale a month ago, they were ugly. ivory ceramic with a gold trim on the top and bottom. I spray painted them silver, and they turned out lovely. I found the shades i need at Walmart for 11.97, and after i cash my cheque from the consignment shop, i am going to get them. My total out-put will be 34.00, that beats 392.00 any day.

We also painted the chandelier i found at the Salvation Army a few weeks ago for Nicoles' room black. I paid 6.00 for the chandelier, and i already had the spray paint. Bens' friend Jeremy said he would hang it for me this week, and take down my fixture in the powder room and fix it. I am going to spray paint that also, and then he said he will rehang it for me.

Ben hates working on lights, so i am glad Jeremy has agreed to do it, and all it will cost me is a cake...

everybody told somebody

It has been kind of rough around here lately. I have been so sick, and unable to stay on top of everything the Mama of a large family needs to keep up with. My pantry is disgraceful, everything is out of order, upside down, and sideways. The silverware...the utensils...everything is just put anywhere...Let's all play hide and go seek from Mom..where is the teaspoon, i don't know, where is the measuring cup? I didn't do it...

You get the idea. I went upstairs to check the childrens' bathroom, and the upstairs living area. Unbelievable.....They each have rotating turns cleaning these rooms. Everyone told someone they needed to do it, and no one did it...The two oldest girls hadn't done their job, and the trickle down effect was just shocking...Speaking of shocking, I went and checked the boys bedroom. I now know where all my missing bath towels the floor of Connor and Jonathans' room. The truth is Jon is a pig, and no matter what Connor does, he can't keep up with the messes Jonathan aka pigpen makes.

Kyle has done basically nothing for the last 2 weeks, he makes all sorts of promises, and has great intentions, but he isn't following through on anything. He says just ask me Mom, and I say you are 19, just do it.. I shouldn't have to ask you. It is all basic stuff.

This is what happens when Mama gets sick, you are just not allowed to be sick...I plan menus' and post them, and have the ingredients purchased accordingly, but then they decide to throw out the plan and do something else, that means i have a hard time putting meals together after this has happened, or they can be pretty strange meals...

Ben wanted a buffet meal last week, and bbq. What i found today was he used two family packs of hamburger, 3 large packs of chicken, and 2 packs of ribs for one night. My freezer is virtually empty. I have 1 pack of chicken and a brisket, pecans and some vegetables.

We don't have enough left-over brisket from last night as we fed 12 people. I don't feel well enough to be very inventive, I can't make waffles or anything because the egg carton is empty...They also used 3lbs of butter in 1 week, I guess Ashley was baking again, because how do you use 3lbs of butter in a week?????

I was going to cook the turkey carcas and make turkey noodle soup, but it smells off to me, so i will feed that to the dogs tonight...Hurray i found 1 pack of pork chops in the freezer, i don't what i am going to do with them yet, but at least we will be eating....

I am ready to go back to bed, the pharmacy messed up my rx, and i didn't get it until yesterday afternoon, no wonder I don't feel any better. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day....

Bens' arm finally seems a little bit better. It is oozing puss, and blood. I wish he would have stayed home today, maybe i can convince him to come home early...We are supposed to meet Andrew and Tiffiany in Sulphur tomorrow, I hope we feel well enough to go. The children are very excited about going on a picnic, and swimming in the ice water. Me i have more sense. I never get in past my toes, that water is so cold....

I hope next week will go more smoothly, I am praying we all feel better.

Friday, May 29, 2009

hand in hand

I know you have to take the good and the bad as they seem to go hand in hand. Ben had a bug bite on his arm that became seriously infected, he asked me to make him a dr. appt. for today. I got up at 8:00 to call the office, and get him in, and i was so weak, and felt even worse than yesterday.

I have been going on the assumption my lack of sleep, and the craziness at home had caused a flare up of my fibromialgia, but this morning, i started running a fever. I hurt from head to toe, and that familiar kidney pain was all too evident.

Bens' bug bit was so bad, he has an abcess in his arm, and they put him on serious anti-biotics, my fussy Alexandra is still teething, but has a sinus infection on top of that, and me i have another uti/kidney infection. I am so grateful for Bens' bug bite, if he hadn't been going to the Dr. i would have put off calling, and according to my Dr. , i would have been in the hospital before the weekend was over. I guess there are even blessings in bad things.

My Dr. has recommended i see a urologist, as i have been having recurring infections. I did this when i was pregnant with Christian, but it just stopped, and i didn't have any problems until September. Now i can't seem to shake it. I will feel good for a week or two, and then it starts all over again. I think my other health problems aggravate things, because i tend to assume it is somethtin else, and then the infection gets ahold of me.

I e-mailed my friend at church, and have backed out of helping at vbs next week, i am also going to e-mail Fr. Adrian and tell him i need a home visit, maybe that will help with my spiritual malaise. I hate to miss church, and lately i have been miss more than hit.

Ben had me order chinese food tonight and Ashley and Tony went to pick it up along with the rx's. We are both sick, and feel horrible, and we are laying on our bed together watching home improvement shows...Oh well, maybe tomorrow will be a better day...

Thursday, May 28, 2009

my hairdressers advice

I have had the same hairdresser for the past 13 years. I sit down in her chair, and she just does my hair, she picks the color, and as long as she leaves my length alone, she can do whatever she likes. She knows what suits my busy lifestyle, my skin-tone and well personal preferences. I am completely comfortable with her, and she has been with me through the best and worst times of my life.

She said i looked lovely this morning in my white and black cotton a-line skirt with white piping, my favorite black top, and my black ballerina flats. She looked at me a second time, and said you aren't feeling well again are you? I had to confess it has been a difficult week , and i am still trying to cope with the pain, and my bad habit of doing too much. Somehow, i am supposed to stop working before i get too tired, or the pain gets out of control, or the pain will get out of control.

She reminded me that #1 i need to take care of myself in order to care for my family, and it is not a bad thing to tell people no. I had already planned to take the summer off as much as possible, but then i went and opened my big fat mouth and agreed to run the kitchen for vbs.

I have worked every vbs for the last 14 years at our present church, and today it really hit me, i am unable to take on this responsibility...i cannot do everything i have always done. i am really bad at pushing myself beyond what i physically can do. It took the concern of my dear hairdresser to remind me of that.

I feel like a bad person, and i hate to let my friends down, but in my heart i know God is nudging me to decline. I do not have the strength at this time to share so much of myself, even for a very good cause.

I am not even certain we will make vbs, or make it every night. They have changed it this year to evenings from 6:00-8:00. I don't know how i will manage that and meals for my group, plus, my husband is off on Mon, Tues, andWed. I don't think he would like me gone every evening, and as it is 25miles one way to church from our home, the drive alone would be very exhausting.

Ashley, Nicole, and Jonathan still have piano lessons every Wed. afternoon until recital June 26th and they need that practice time with their teacher.

I feel torn, am i a bad person for backing out of vbs. The DRE is one of my best friends at church, and i know she needs help and support, if i tell my church members that God is leading me to be still, they will think i am nuts or lazy... i don't know...please pray that the Lord guides me in this matter. I don't think i am supposed to sacrifice my health to please other people.

can you have too many pillows?

I went to the Salvation Army today, and someone must have been redecorating their home, i found a huge assortment of pillows, in great condition. I ended up buying 16 pillows. I cleared my baskets off the brick area in front of the fireplace, and put the 4 large seat cushions that coordinate. I put 2 new pillows on my windsor chair, i bought 2 for Ashleys bed, i put 3 on the couch, 1 on my dining room chair, 1 on my bed, and 3 khaki tie cushions i put up until i find new bar stools. We could barely fit all of them in Andrews' trunk.

I bought a plate rack, a cd/dvd rack, a large basket for the stairs, 3 bathroom light fixtures for 1.00 each for my bathroom remodel, they aren't brushed nickel, but i am going to spray paint them, and make them work. I bought an ancient samsonite vanity suitcase, and i am going to decorate it with old pictures, cards, ribbon,and lace and put my make-up in it.

They had a clothing sale, and i got 2 full bags for 5.00, which included 7 new skirts for me. I feel like i did great. The light fixtures i was going to order, would have cost for all 3 168.00. I spent 38.00 total at the store. yeah for mommy...

I may have to go back while things are still on sale.....

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

who do you look like?

One of my friends, teases me all the time because i wear skirts or dresses everyday. I never owned a pair of pants until i was about 11. We always wore dresses. Granny said a lady should look like a lady.

I do wear pants occasionally, but i find skirts much more comfortable. This morning, i am wearing blue and silver flip flops, a denim skirt,and a black top with blue polka-dots. My friend that teases me so much, never, ever wears dresses, and often wears shorts!!!!to church on wed. I find that a little bit shocking. She belongs to the pentecostal holiness church, and i dress like it....

Tonight when i take the children to their music lessons, at the local church, i will be the only lady in a dress. They will have on shorts, sweats, jeans, anything and everything but dresses.

I asked why they don't wear dresses as most pentecostal holiness women do, and they told me, their bishop freed them from wearing dresses 20 years ago, and now they won't wear them at all.

It seems strange to be freed from wearing dresses, i like to look like a lady, and i think i feel more feminine wearing dresses, and it is a small reminder to me (who can be very difficult) that i literally don't wear the pants in my family, and i need to follow my husbands lead.

I see it as a matter of submission , my husband doesn't care if i wear skirts, but he likes it. I have been thinking, if we can't submit on earth to our husband, and the authority of the church, what does it say about our soul, and our ability to surrender and submit to God.

I don't have any answers, i am just working on it....I keep reminding myself to be still....

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Ben is starting to make a lot of progress on our master bath remodel. He has the walls primered,and painted. The ceiling is very pale shade of green, and the walls are mint green. He has the cabinets, and all the wood work painted white, and has begun to trim out the shower and bathtub areas in decorative tile.

We kept the stone tile we put in 8 years ago in the shower, floor and around the bathtub,but it just didn't look finished. We bought panels of tumbled stone and green glass to finish around the bathtub and shower. We got brushed nickel shower and tub fixtures for 5.00. We also found beautiful cabinet handles for 1.50 each, the same ones at home depot were 19.00 each.

I haven't totaled all our receipts yet. We still have a few more purchases to make, and it will have to be done a little at atime. I hope it is finished by the end of june.

I have to find an alternative for our bathroom mirror. Ours cracked when we rehung itseveral years ago, and need to replace it. i am looking for an inexpensive option.

speaking of cracked, the children have been out of school for one week, and my nerves are completely frazzled. we have not settled into a routine yet, and the disorder is making me nuts. I need to take a deep breath, get a good nights sleep, and get my schedule sorted out. I cannot stand the chaos, and neither can the babies. They are not napping or sleeping well.

I think i need a vacation. I absolutely know once we all go camping next month i will need a serious vacation. Camping is so much work for mommies.

They are all running and screaming, i have to go see what is going on, i wish i had some chocolate, i think i need it....

Sunday, May 24, 2009

all the little things

I was feeling a little blue, since Ben went back to work, and lonely. He decided we needed to go on a date to cheer me up. He took me to Applebees' for dinner, and while i went to the ladies room, he called home and told the girls we were on our way.

I didn't know he had made arrangements with Ashley and Nicole to straighten our bedroom up, fill it with candles, and fudge. An ice bucket with chilled champagne and our crystal champagne glasses completed the scene.

I ran in to drop my purse, and was greeted by a beautiful sight. Soft music playing on my cd player,candles glowing everywhere, sea-shells on the table tops, dessert waiting for me. I was really surprised. I really enjoyed my time alone with Ben. the children popped popcorn and watched a movie out in the sunroom. We dead-bolted our door and hid from the world.

It was lovely....I have reached a place in my life where i feel completely content. I am just so happy with everything. I highly recommend a dead bolt on the master bedroom door. Loud music to drown out the children, and the rest to set the mood.

My husband shows me he loves me through the little things he does, the funny e-mails he sends me, and the lavish comments he pays me. He thinks i am the most beautiful, sexy woman in the world, and it is working for him, who could resist a man like that....

Friday, May 22, 2009

3 kinds of lies

Today is officially the last day of school, however, the children have been out of school since tuesday. The dear Gov. signed a law that the children did not have to make up their snow days. We were really blasted by several ice storms this year. I found out Monday night.

I was totally unprepared for a house full of hungry people. I had my list ready , my menu planned, and tricked once again...Locusts don't have anything on 4 little boys..

Kyle and I are going to town to get some supplies today. Connor and Jonathan are going to a 4-H sleep over at the omni-plex in OKC tonight. They gave me their supply list last night after i sent them to bed ...oh Mom...we need this tomorrow...

Ashley, Nicole, and Jonathan still have a month left of piano lessons and the recital is the middle of June..

Part of me really misses baseball/softball...This is the first year since 1992, we haven't had a child in summer sports. I am trying to pay attention to my scripture and not physically and mentally overwhelm myself. We are taking the summer off, sort of.

Ashley has been so upset lately, so-called friends, lies, that sort of thing. She is shocked, disgusted and hurt...I feel so helpless, I want to help her, but the world is like that...they say there are 3 kinds of lies. Lies, damn lies, and ...... I would like to protect my daughter from the ugliness of this world, but i know i can't...

Dear Lord~
surround my dear daughter with people who love her, and share her sense of right and wrong. Help her to see that all people she knows are not her friends...we get so few of those. She doesn't yet understand that professing to be a christian and loving the Lord, and actually being one are 2 different things...Look after her, protect her, guide her, and give me the wisdom a mother needs in these circumstances...

Monday, May 18, 2009

class of 2009

The end of the school year busyness is in full swing. Ashley went to OSU to compete in the Stat Champion Test for english 4. This is funny because, she hasn't even taken english 4. She did take the gold medal at the scholastic meet held at ECU, and won the english comp. on Shakespeare. She ended up 6th overall in the state, which is excellent for someone that has just completed english3.

Nicole and Ashley went to the Omniplex in OKC with gifted and talented, and Connor, and Jonathan went to the aquarium in jenks. The boys also won a trip to an Ok redhawks game. I was glad they didn't get rained out. Connor read the most books in the elementary for the school year at 27. Jonathan read have to read 16 to go on the trip...i don't think it is a coincidence.

Ashey, Tiffiany and Shayla had to attend the induction ceremony for NHS, as they are all members, and Nicole was the usher for 8th grade graduation as the student with the highest gpa in 7th grade.

Seans' kindergarten class held a party on thurs afternoon, and Billie, and Bobbie, picked up the babies, so i could attend. The invitation specified no siblings were invited.

Sean graduated kindergarten with an award as best reader, and receited little boy blue. The children sang songs, and looked so cute in their caps and gowns.

High School graduation was Friday Night, it wasn't as long-winded as usual, but it was long enough. James and Tiffiany presented me with roses, it was very sweet. I knew James would, but i wasn't sure about Tiff. Her mom gets weird about things.....

Sat. Night, we attended the athletic/academic banquet, siblings were also not invited to attend this function. I think it is sad when school functions are no children zones. Ms. Jones asked where the babies were as she usually sits with us, and really enjoys the little ones.

Sean is officially out of school, and the other children have school until Friday, but they stop keeping attendance today. I think i will send them anyway. It will be just wild here, until we settle into a routine with everyone home.

Kyle has finished his finals, and has completed his first year of college, he is very relieved.

I think i had better go grocery shopping tomorrow, and batten down the hatches, they are coming home, and school is out until August6 pray for me, and pray it quits raining, i am sick of the swamp and mud...if i wanted to live in a swamp, i would have moved to the swamp. We are still have standing water everywhere some of it a foot deep, some 6 children won't stay out of the mud, and rain water, they look like some sort of monsters.

they came in through the bathroom window

It has been crazier than usual around here this week. Ben took a week of vacation to remodel the bathroom, and help me get the house ready for the big graduation party. I t rained for 18 days straight...I didn't think Ben would be able to do anything in the yard, but he did a very nice job...

Tuesday we were going to get a few things at ok to share , and it started hailing. The hail started the size of grapes, and ended up the size of golf balls...The chickens all took cover on the porch except for one poor hen... she was dodging hail like she was the scorepad in a pinball machine, it was hysterical. She finally took refuge under our picnic tables, and said Noah send me an ark...the water was 4 inches deep, and she was up to her little chicken knees??? in it...

Ben had to scratch the plans to replace our bedroom window with french doors. The weather has not cooperated at all. The thunder and lightening was so bad thursday night that it struck next to our house and knocked out our modem. We had no t.v. or internet, until they came out and replaced it. The lightening hit right outside our bedroom window, and scared me to death, i jumped right on top of Ben and woke him up..

It didn't rain on Friday, and thankfully it dried out enough for Ben to mow around the front, and weed all the flower beds...I am very relieved the folding chairs didn't sink into the ground when people sat on them.

We had a huge crowd here Friday night after graduation for the party, Ben said why are we having a party when none of our children are graduating?????I said for our daughter-in-law, and our dear Shayla, and James Henry, they may not be ours, but they are ours.....

Ben took out our old bathroom window, and the boys and i went to home depot to purchase a window that opened, as ours was purely decorative, and it gets too hot and humid in there. The window had gone up 6.00 since we priced them, and the beadboard 4.00, i was annoyed.

I still don't have a window in,Ben is waiting until after he seals the tile, and finishes painting to install the new one, i hung a blanket, because i can't shower or use my bathroom with no window!!!He says we are out in the middle of no-where who is going to see you, i don't care, it makes me nervous...The absolutely worst part of it, is as soon as the rain stops, the dreaded june bugs come out, and I really hate!!!!!june bugs!!!!!they land on you with their pinchers and hold on to you yuck...every night they are flying through my house Alexandra is screaming bug bug, Ashley is screaming because the boys know she is afraid of them, and they keep throwing them at her. Christian hates bugs too, and he and i keep sweeping them out of the house.

I will be so happy to have a bathroom window, and a june bug free house...just a few more days...just a few more days....

Monday, May 11, 2009


I called strategically and left messages for Granny and Indiana, i was debating when to call my mom, without catching her because i woke up this morning with a flare up of my fibromialgia. I couldn't stand or walk for most of the day.

I got up before Ben came home from work took a shower, and got dressed. While i was trying to brush out my hair, and put some make-up on i noticed Connor watching me so intently. He said mama why are you crying? i had to tell him i hurt, nothing was wrong...he is so protective of me.

My mom called the minute she got in from church, and demanded to know what was wrong, i said how do you know anything is wrong? She said#1 you are always the first to call me, and 2 i can hear it in you voice.

I was trying not to worry my mom, and i ended up scaring her to death. serves me right...i should have just called her.

I received lots of homemade cards, and hugs from the children. Andrew and Tiffiany came over, Kyle picked up James on his way home from work, Nicole made me breakfast in bed, and Ashley made me lunch with brownie piefrom 50's housewife.

The little boys and Alexandra all crawled in bed with me, and then crawled all over me ....

Ben came home from work early and cooked dinner and dessert. He did a wonderful job.

I am very grateful to be a mother, i am blessed to be married to a man whom i still love so much, and who loves me in return. I have been so blessed that our love has been fruitful, and that God has given us so many children to love.

I am going to just count my blessings today, and try not to focus on the is not easy, but i am going to try...
Happy Mothers Day!!!!
Gods Blessings!!!

Friday, May 8, 2009

oh be careful little eyes

I learned a song when i was very tiny called be careful. Granny sang it all the time with me. While we have filters on our computer, so we can keep out things we don't want in the home.

We live so far out in the bojacks(this is next door to out in the boondocks) that we can only receive 3 fuzzy channels with an antennae, our options are dish network or programming through our phone company. We have the limited t.v. package without the additional movie channels.

It is still so sad that t.v. or is it people have sunk so low. I used to watch soap operas all summer long with my mom and grandma...when iwas in college i would go to my moms on fridays, roll my grandmas hair for her and eat lunch watching Days of our lives. I had to completely give up my soap habit a few years ago. The content became so racy, i could no longer watch the shows with my children in the room.

I don't really watch network t.v. at all. I have never seen Dancing with the Stars, American Idol,Desperate Housewives, or even Sex in the City...I don't see what all the fuss is about...My friends have given up on me, i am so not cool...i see pictures of people on magazine covers, and i don't know who these skinny(would someone please feed them)people are.

I wish we had a filter on the t.v., then i could tune all the junk out of it i want. I know, it has an off switch . I have been snown to turn shows off because the kids are irritating, and i don't like smart aleck kids. Shows on my current hit list suite life of Zach and Cody , and icarly..These shows are marketed for tweens, and are supposed to be family friendly, but they are really obnoxious.

I do have a thing for watching DIY and HGTV . Ben would like me to give up these shows, as i am always finding new profects for him. He is very handy, but, prefers to be very handy tinkering on cars , he really loves to be out in the garage, or carport playing with his parts and tools and stuff.

He is taking next week off work to do some remodeling projects in our bedroom and master bath. We have been planning this for some time, and buying things on e-bay and at the ok to share discount store. I bought heavy metal gold knobs for our dressers, because i was sick of the pine knobs. Ben painted them black to match our iron hinges and we replaced all the hardware for 6..50. We are waiting for vessel sinks and faucets still. ben found a great deal on e-bay for 95.00 each complete set. We were looking at Lowes, but the same items would have cost 600.00 total .

I am a little nervous about everything he wants to get done this week. He is also planning to help me get ready for the graduation party we are giving friday night. Right now it is a knee -high swamp, jungle, step on the grass your shoe sinks 2 inches mess out there. My flower beds are weed havens and the poison ivy is thriving with all the rain. No big deal, i am just so allergic to it...and somehow i have to get this done, my house ready, shopping, decorating, cooking 2 toddlers, Ben in the middle of a major project, and i am only operating at half speed.

This is going to take a while, i had better start today. I am going to make my lists, and get everything ready to mow. The boys can pick up the toys while i work in my flower beds...Lord willing and the rain stops we may just make it. I am going to remind myself to be careful little mouth this week, because, i get irritable when i don't feel well, and Ben gets irritable when projects don't go as he plans them. That is the makings for bickering people. I need to remember to think before i speak and pray my bible verse. Be still, and know that i am God.

I am going to have to take these things one day at a time and not expect too much out of either of us...I am notorious(well its true) for planning things to the extreme, and stressing myself out over things i have no control of. I think instead of cooking everything, i may order sandwich trays and buy the meatballs already made. Maybe i need to slow it down a little bit..

Thursday, May 7, 2009


I was talking to my mom this week, we were talking about my Grandmother who always made the most wonderful desserts and treats. We ate a lot of beans, fried potatoes and corn bread growing up and usually followed by a chocolate cream pie or lemon merangue or whatever she had on hand. Everyones' favorites were her cinnamon rolls and her chocolate pies(tarts) they were unlike anything i have ever had. Sweet, chocolate, creamy, chewy individual pies. No one has the recipe, no one knows how to make them.

My mom and her sisters all have tried to remember, but the truth is there is no recipe. I asked years ago, and she said lord child do you ask a lot of questions, i don't have a recipe, i just make it.

I know the ingredients, they are basic, cocoa, sugar , salt, butter, milk, vanilla, i think there might be cornstarch in it too. She made a basic pie crust and put the filling in and pinched the edges of the pies up, but didn't fold it over. ..I hope to feel human tomorrow, because, i plan to experiment with her recipe so i can figure it out for my mama, it would be the best gift i could give her.

I grew up eating plain southern cooking, fried okra, gravy, fried chicken, if it sat still long enough we put gravy on it and ate it. My Grandmother was a widow at my age with 6 children still at home. She lived with us off and on my whole life. My aunts lived with us for a time, and then when they married, their familes were in and out of our home.

Bens' grandmother asked one time what did we eat when the whole family was there...beans,hardtack, fried potatoes, cornbread, fried okra,sweet tea and of course pie...she sniffed at me thats' poor people food, we don't eat that, i smiled my sweetest smile at that mean old thing, and said really, i thought it was just southern food, and since your'e from Ohio i didn't think you knew it. Well, we don't eat that way in Ohio, and only poor people eat beans and cornbread... I was poor my whole life, and didn't even know it...good food,lovingly prepared, thats what matters, it's what i remember, not the being poor part.

I ate my first steak at Bens' house the summer we started dating. His Dad put this enormous piece of meat on my plate, a huge baked potato with the works,corn on the cob, i whispered in Bens' ear what am i supposed to do with this, he laughed and said eat it....I couldn't eat that much food,and his dad was so sweet to me he wrapped up mt plate and sent the rest home with me...For lunch the next day, my grandma, sister, and i ate the rest of my dinner...My Grandma wasn't sure if this was proper behaviour, but she was never one to let food go to waste, and Bens' Dad wasn't either...Grandmas and food, they just go together.

I would liketo say Bens' Gram warmed up to me, and liked me by the time we married, i would like to say it, but it would be a complete lie. I had never encountered anyone like her in my life, certainly my Grandmas' weren't mean and they didn't swear at you or any of the strange things she did. Looking back, i realise she was depresse, and jealous, and wanted to be the center of attention. She didn't like that Ben had grown up, and had someone else in his life. She spent a lot of time making a lot of people miserable, it took Ben years to recover from the emotional toll this woman took on his life, but now i don't think she was just mean, now i think she was unhappy, i hope she is finally at peace..In a way it was good training, because i did a double take when Tiffianys mother started her shenanigans, but this time i knew how to handle it...and as my Granny says, you have your Daddys blood and were raised by Melvin Pevehouse, that is a dangerous combination...She's right, this time i stood my ground...and i don't back up...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

this is the song that doesn't end

it is still raining. The farmers say it is a lovely thing rain, so good for the tomatoes, and okra and corn. Our ponds are filling up, so is the river all in all, it must be a good thing.

Why do i hate it so much? This dark, cold damp rain that creeps into your bones and doesn't go away. It feels like the rain in San Francisco Bay Area where i grew up. Such a miserable feeling never getting the damp and cold out. Oklahoma spring rain is so different...It isn't cold, or damp or even dark.

Sometimes it even rains when the sun is shining, like a little joke on us. The rain is warm and is like liquid sunshine, it feels good on your skin. I have been known to go out and wade in the puddles with my children, there is something so clean and fresh about spring rain. Right now i am in hiding...It is too cold, too damp, and i am too sick... Ben took the babies to go get me a new rx, as i am not improving, and left the dogs outside while he went to town, there was a huge cloudburst, and then a downpour, so i went out and let the stinking wet dogs in. Maggie is terrified of thunder...The other woman in Bens liife is a 130lb english mastiff, sometimes she takes me for a walk!!!!

The only good thing about being sick, is i have had time to read lately. I bought a few book from the book stall when i went to the Dr. Friday, I bought a virtous woman and the secret life of bees for a dollar each, and a shoe box full of ancient Agathe Christie paperbacks for a dollar. I know, I know I have all these books in hard-back, but they reminded me of my Grandmother who gave me my first Agatha Christie book when i was a little girl...I had to rescue them, they needed a good home, with someone who would love them and read them....It's kind of like when i find holy card at a junk store or antique shop. I can never leave them behind....I have an old overnight case full of them. Some I display on my dresser, some i have framed, but they all need a good home.

So, my secret is out, i have a weekness, for books, a collection of old prayer cards, and an angel that holds all my rosaries, broken or not...While i spent my lent trying to purge my home of extras, somethings never go....I was really happy about the 22 bags of items i donated to the Jesus House, but honestly, i don't think there was abook among them, certainly not an Agatha Christie, they are my oldest and dearest friends. I have read them over and over, and i still love them.

Dear Lord,
If its' not too much trouble, and it won't mess up the tomatoes, or okra, or corn, could we please have a little sunshine...5 straight days of this cold rain is making me sad...and my stupid chickens are all wet and sitting on my porch, and the dogs smell like wet dogs, and the little boys need to run and play, and Alexandra wants to drive her car up and down the front walk, but it is completely flooded, and we no longer have one...And there is a river running down Rosemarys' hill all the way to my pond. I am not complaining Lord, as you know best, I am just saying, I have had enough.

Monday, May 4, 2009

stormy weather

I have considered sending a memo to Al Gore to shut his big fat mouth on this whole global warming thing, I am about to freeze to death. Seriously, it is May in Oklahoma, we are supposed to be up to our eyeballs in wildflowers, and prairie grasses. It is supposed to be warm at the very least, hot at its worst. The rain is supposed to be warm, broken up by tornado alleys winds and wild storms...what the heck is going on.

It has rained for the last 5 days, a cold damp miserable rain, not the warm summer rain when i allow(throw) all the children outside to wade in puddles, look for crawdads, and hunt frogs. It is supposed to hit 85 on Wednesday, I personally think they are just lying to get my hopes up.

Thursday was Sean Patricks' Birthday, and my plan was to get up and hit the ground running, I intended to clean up, dust, do a few loads of laundry, bake his cake and decorate all before 3:00. I knew I was in trouble when Alexandra woke up, and i could barely stand..I struggled along for a few hours trying to take care of the babies, i was too weak to lift Alexandra, i couldn't handle the laundry, and the the popcicle girl with a normal temp of 97.4 spiked to 101. Okay, it is true i thought i was dying for a minute, so i did what any rational reasonable person would do, i called my husband. I would have called my mama, but she is in Ca, and if she found out my fever was that high she would have thought i was dying too. My Dr.s office insisted i come in to see if i had the unpolitically correct not swine flu....I asked if you could catch it on your dream trip to Cancun, because i haven't been to Mexico in years..

Good News, I am not suffering from the unswine flu, but, a massive kidney infection. I have been put on bed-rest, with strict orders to rest, drink, and take care of my-self. It is not working out real well so far. The children all pitched in to get ready for Sean's party, and the big kids got out their guitars, and played and sang the songs he likes. It was very sweet.

Today, is Monday, I still feel like i was run over by a massive truck, that backed over me for good measure, and as unbelievable as it seems to me, i am still running a fever.

Ben is off today, and trying to help out, of course Alexandra won't have anything to do with him, and just cries for me, but this chick has had it, and i am going back to bed.....

I have now been sick since thurs. , a life-time in mommy-land, so it will probably take me 2 months to get things back in order, Connor and Jon did the dishes last night, and i just sighed, shook my head and left the everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.