Wednesday, November 26, 2008


I have been trying to focus on all the good things in my life, and the many things I have to be thankful for. I know a list like this could go on, and on, but here are a few.
1.Dear husband still has a good paying job.
2.Dear husband loves me.
3.A wonderful, beautiful, slightly over the top family.
4.Andrew,Kyle,Ashley,Nicole,Connor,Jonathan,Luke(rip),Christopher(rip),Sean Patrick,Maria(rip),Christian,Alexandra
5.Tiffiany and Timmi
6.Mom and Dad
7.Granny and Papaw whose wonderful example of faith and service kept my feet on the right path.
8.I am able to stay home with the slightly wacky children.
9.Good friends and prayer partners
10. Holy Priests and Nuns.

baking day

Today was baking day, and like every other day in Tuckerville, it did not go smoothly, or as planned. I was up from 3:00am on with Alexandra, and then at 5:00 Ashley came in hunting her pain meds, she couldn't sleep. I went back to bed at 7:45. I hid there until the children dragged me kicking and screaming out of bed. Thank heavens it was Daddys' day off, and he cooked breakfast for the wild horde of hungry children.

I started baking about noon. Only 4 hours behind schedule. I had the 2 pumpkin pies done, and the 2 pecan pies in the oven , when I discovered my loaf pan was at Billie Jos'. Ashley drove me to her house to pick up my pan. I started assembling the ingredients for pumpkin bread, when I discovered the canned pumpkin, was pumpkin pie mix. You cannot make pumpkin bread out of pumpkin pie mix. Horrors!!!!! Plan B pumpkin muffins in the morning, if Ashley is up to making them.

Next, I made 2 loaves of cinnamon bread, then I began assembling the ingredients for an apricot preserve breakfast bar recipe I read on Pioneer Woman Cooks. Are you kidding, I cannot find the apricot preserves, I hunted high, low and in between. there were no apricot preserves. I raided the refridgerator, and found strawberry preserves. We will be having strawberry preserve breakfast bars, and no one will be the wiser.

Ashley and Jon did not make the chocolate pudding non-pie,and we forgot all about the jello. I guess we will see what tomorrow brings.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

cooking countdown

Tomorrow is baking day. Everyone wants to be in the kitchen to help bake, dishes anyone, anyone? We are going to bake 2 loaves of pumpkin bread, and 2 loaves of cinnamon bread for Thankgiving breakfast.

Next, on the agenda is 2 pumpkin pies, and 2 pecan. 1 chocolate pudding pie for Jonathan who hates all pies. Pudding isn't real pie, just ask Jon. We will also make the amazing jello salad, and mix up the cornbread dressing.

I plan to follow this up by taking a nap while dear Benjamin cooks supper. He has cooked the last 2 nights so I can rest. I think he loves me. I feel like a nut, but lately I have had my pajamas on by 6:00, and I just lay down as life lets me.

I really need some soft furry slippers. The scuff kind please, not the enormous dog heads you bought me last year. Iwas so relieved when Maggie and Otto attacked them, and ran off with them.

The house is quiet, everyone is asleep, and I am off to bed.

crazy in tuckerville

As the mother of 9, I often think, I am well prepared to go with the flow,roll with the punches, and take life one day at a time. Obviously, I was mistaken. I haven't blogged in 2 weeks, because life has enveloped me, overrun my position, and I have surrendered.

Ashleys' recovery has been slow going. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzone step forward, and 2 steps back. She is so frustrated. The little boys had their circumcissions for different reasons,on the same day. Nov.14,because misery loves company. They are finally about healed. It has been no fun around here for anyone.

To really make things interesting, the stress, and lack of sleep has flared up my auto-immune crap oops disease. Alexandra has had 2 ear infections and is cutting 4 teeth, and I almost forgot, I have pneumonia.

Dr. B. was a bit annoyed, I waited so long to come in, but Icouldn't leave the house ,and didn't go to the Dr. until Ben and Andrew flat out insisted, and took me. I was too sick to argue anymore, and too weak to stand up.

In the middle of all this illness, ewcitement, stress,tempers were flaring. We were overworked,exhausted,and just plain irritable. Ben and Kyle had a somewhat heated discussion,and Kyle decided he could no longer live at home.

In the midst of all this upheavel and illness, my son packed his things, and moved out the same afternoon. I was completely heartsick, and heartbroken. I just couldn't accept that my son, my very dear son would leave like that. For 2 days I couldn't eat, I had nothing to say(miracle), I just grieved.

Kyle moved in with family friends, so I know he is in a good place, but for days I kept waiting for him to say Mama, I'm coming home, and he just hasn't. Andrew and Ashley say he isn't coming back, and he was just ready to be on his own. I think I am still grieving the abruptness of his leaving. I find myself still waiting up for him to come in from work, but he doesn't come.

He seems very happy with his living arrangement, and I hope it works out for him. He does call often, and I see him a couple of times a week,but this Mama is having a heck of a time adjusting.

I feel very drained lately. Physically and emotionally. The strength I usually draw on seems to have failed me. I do my daily readings, but somedays, I can't remember if I prayed or not. I told God I know I'm rambling , and you know my heart, please give me the strength I need. You and I both know, I am all out

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

screw loose

Ashley had her surgery on Monday morning as scheduled, and that was the only thing that went according to plan. Alexandra was still ill, and going 4 days with no sleep or rest triggered my awful, horrid, wretched, auto-immune what-ever. I was in horrendous shape, and terrible, constant pain.

Benjamin said I was in no condition to take the baby, and spend all day at the hospital, I needed to stay home and take care of myself. I argued, I cried, I rebelled against being told to do anything, even if it is with my interest at heart. I even plotted to have Bobbie Sue take me to the hospital after they left. In the end, I stayed home.

Ashley, went into surgery at 11:30a.m., by 1:30 Ben still hadn't called me, and I was wearing a hole in the floor. I called him and he said, you crazy woman she just went back a few minutes ago, everything is fine.....I yelled frantically it is 1:30, what time did they take her? He said crazy hysterical woman it is only 12:00...I shouted not in this time zone. I returned to praying, scrubbing toliets,and walking the floor.

Ben called at 2:45, surgery did not go as planned, they were unable to back the screw out, because bone had grown through it. It took 21/2 hours to dig the screw out of her hip. So much for a quick easy procedure. Her bone was in much worse condition than they even realised,and we are going to discuss other surgical options besides total hip replacement as options for her future.

Dear sweet girl, sat straight up in recovery and began screaming,and crying. The first injection of morphine did nothing, the nurse finally got ahold of the dr. he gave her a cocktail of meds to get her pain under control,even considering an epidural as an option. By 7:00 p.m. she could keep oral pain meds down, but felt very sick, 2 hours later she came home.

The I hate the world stomach took over on the way home. She began getting really sick and vomiting. After arriving home , she vomited every 15 minutes or so for the next 12 hours. Her discharge orders left me no phone number for after hours, and I couldn't reach a human being to save my life. This morning I spoke to her surgeons nurse, she called the resident on duty, and we took her to the e.r. in the next town.

2 bags of fluids, i.m. phenergan, and tordal, my girl looks and feels a whole lot better. I am beginning to calm down. The words frantic,stressed, and angry come to mind.

Ashley brought her screw home. It is about 4 inches long, I think we should frame it. I told her next time someone told her she had a screw loose, she should say yep. I've got it right here!!!!!

As for me, I'm supposed to be praying, not harrassing my husband on his cell phone, and screaming at the ceiling, it wasn't one of my finest moments.

Thursday, November 6, 2008


Nicole has asked to redecorate her room. I painted her room in 1995, while I was very pregnant with her, so I guess it is time. She is addicted to HGTV, and loves decorating shows. She has decided on a French Country theme for her room and a color scheme of ivory, black, gold and deep red.

Granny recently gave me my princess bed from when I was a little girl. Granny and Papaw found the bed in the foothills in Northern California when I was a little girl. It was in an old shepherds cottage under a bunch of debris. They took it home, and cleaned up the iron bed, and painted it gold. I called it my princess bed.

Ben spray painted the bed black, and then I took a gold leafing pen, and went over all the intricate details of the bed with it. the results are amazing. It looks so beautiful.

2 cans black spray paint 4.00
1 gold leafing pen 3.87
1 ivory garage sale bedspread .25cents
1ancient iron princess bed with love from Granny & Papaw priceless.

I have a lot of work to do still, paint the room a neutral color, put in wood/laminate flooring,add funky french phrases to her walls, draw the eiffel tower. For today though, she's satisfied.

James Henry

I am very disappointed tonight. Tonight is our final home football game, and Senior Night. James Henry, my dear son from another Mother, is playing his last home game,and receiving his Senior Night recognition. I had promised James Henry all season I would be there for him, and I wasn't.

Alexandra has been ill all day, and this evening her fever hit 101f. I was unable to take her, and unable to leave her.

James holds a very special place in my heart. Every time he hits the door, he yells Mama, I'm home! He says he likes the noise and craziness of our home. He also likes that someone is always in trouble, and usually it isn't him.

James went on vacation with us this summer, and spent a week with us at a Lake House in Eastern Okla. He took Connor fishing every single day, and they had a great time together. He cheats terribly at scrabble. He always tries to use words in Seminole when he knows I can't spell check him.

My birthday didn't go as planned(like anything in my life does), and when I got home from Mass Sunday morning , James came in the kitchen, made my coffee, and cooked me a birthday breakfast of ham and cheese scrambled eggs and toast. He along with the other children made me homemade cards his said I love you Mama , your favorite indian son James Henry.

Everyone should have a special child in their life,and I know you don't have to give birth to a child to love them like your own.

Congratulations James Henry, I am proud of you.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


I haven't posted as regularly as I would have liked to, but things have been very strange. I am really having a hard time coping with this auto-immune disease. The soul sucking fatigue and extreme pain make me a very grouchy girl in the evenings.

I am trying to pace myself and cut back as Dr. B ordered, but it is almost impossible. I having a teething 10 month old that may sleep 5or 6 hours at a time or 2. I have to do 4-6 loads of laundry daily or my life descends into a swirling pit of laundry hell.

I have not found the balance I need to maintain my home and my health. This week, I have spiraled, and I am having trouble walking. I know God will give me the grace sufficient for today,and thats where I have to keep my focus. Today.

I have been so upset and stressed lately, all no-nos', but life is what it is.

My brother had a blood clot in his brain that burst Friday night. He had brain surgery, and is in a life battle trying to recover from this devastating incident. He is off the ventilator,(praise God),and breathing on his own. He recognizes people, but speech is still difficult for him. He thinks it's 1988, and keeps asking for me. I had 1 child in 1988, and was 20 years younger, I am afraid he wouldn't recognise me.

I have known for weeks, that Ashley needs surgery to remove the screw in her hip. when Nicole fell on her it perforated the bone completely,and has caused severe pain. The hospital called today to tell us surgery is Monday morning. I should be excited, relieved,but I am terrified.

I have had to keep my game face on and I find it so hard to keep it up. I have to be positive for her sake, but her asthma has been flaring up, and lets face it nothing has ever been easy or by the book where Ashley is concerned. She is my delicate flower.

For her sake, and mine , I need to let the fear go, and place her in the hands of the blessed mother. We need the intercession of every Saint praying to God on my sweet daughters behalf.


Yesterday, we held a party of sorts. I baked a cake, and decorated it like a ballot, and Daddy bought ice cream and all the goodies for banana splits. I kept the television off until around 8:00p.m., and then we began to watch the returns as we ate our treats.

Lets suffice it to say, it did not go as we had hoped, but I still feel like a winner. All of my children from Sean Patrick up to Andrew have been involved in conversations about candidates, issues, and voting. It was a very proud day for me as my 2 oldest sons Andrew20, and Kyle 18 voted in their first presidential election. Tiffiany also voted .

I would have preferred John McCain to win, but we all voted, so I feel we won.