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Friday, May 27, 2011

Jonathan

Jonathan recently announced to me, that I haven't blogged in months. You are so behind Mom, and it is no fun to keep rereading your old posts. You need to get with it.

I will admit to being completely overwhelmed by life and health issues. With childrens' field trips and sports activities, with trying( and the operative word is trying) to maintain a home for so many people when my body just doesn't want to cooperate.

I have had new and worsening symptoms this spring, and the emotional roller-coaster of dealing with the cause of my miscarriages..It is a strange time in my life. I have to accept the fact that any future pregnancies will probably result in loss, and that my baby days are over.

God has seen fit to give me a consolation through this trial. I still have 2 young ones that provide the joy and laughter only toddlers can provide, but I have going to be a grandmother.

My son Kyle and his wife Timmi are expecting their first child in November, and we are all so excited.

I have taken a lot of teasing from the kids about being Grandma, Grammy, Memaw, Granny, Maw, whatever they can think of...and I said bring it on...I don't care what the baby calls me, my heart is overjoyed...on an ornery note, I keep telling Ben, I have never slept with a Grandpa before, and delight in calling him Pops...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Birthday Madness

It seems everytime i turn around, it is someones birthday...Andrew Feb.6, Kyle, March1, my Mom, Granny, sisters, the birthdays are crazy...

I still have to take Kyle and Timmi out to dinner, and send Fr. Matthew birthday greetings, He turned 89 this week, and is still going strong...he gives me the lecture, why when he was my age, he could have run circles around me...

I tell him, the good lord gave you an iron constitution, and he gave me 9 children and 4 auto-immune diseases...so I can't keep up with a man who is twice my age...motherhood has consolations...i am sure in time, i will be able to appreciate my diagnosis, and find consolation in it...for now i just do the best i can...

I have hidden what i have for so long, until i could no longer hide it, and have to say outloud, yes, i have this, no i am not just skipping out on ball games, my body is skipping out on me...

Jonathan is still wanting to have a houseful of boys over for a game day, as we had no water, and a blizzard during his birthday...why not it will be great fun...a ball game at Tucker field and a mess of boys to eat me out of house and home...oh wait, i already have that....

Next up on the birthday list...my daughter in law Timmi...she will be 20, and then later in April my dear Sean Patrick will turn 8...we will have a small birthday break , which will coincide with little league base-ball, and the older childrens seasons...soft-ball, track, base-ball..

The consolations of motherhood..

life, liberty and pursuit of happiness...

There you have it, my dear girl has said out loud, what i have been thinking she was thinking.. it goes something like this...if i live at home, there are rules, if i live at home, there are chores, if i live at home, there are people there that think rules and chores, need to be obeyed...those people take away cars...


If i stay in the dorms this summer, i will have to go to classes, and do more class work, but the rules, and chores are my own.....

I could take the summer off, and get a job for the summer, and stay at home, but those pesky parents and rules swarm me like mosquitos...and all those children, i love them, but they are so loud, and all over me...

I want to see my boyfriend any time i please, and not have anyone tell me no...no you can't go out to the bridge, no you can't spend the night at Josh's Grandmas, no, it just doesn't look nice...like i care what anyone thinks...I am 18, I am a college student, I am supposed to have fun,I am supposed to do whatever I want to do, I am an adult...I am not doing anything wrong...I just sleep on the futon...at his friends grandmas it is no big deal mom...don't roll your eyes, and get all mom on me...

This conversation has been provided courtesy of my active imagination and my beautiful 18 daughter Ashley Catherine Julieanne...the college student...to be continued..

Sunday, January 30, 2011

incoming

We have been collecting water, buying groceries, planning meals, and in general taking note of what we have, and what we may need..

We are in the line of fire for an incoming weather front. While the counties above us are supposed to get snow, we are supposed to get ice...ice is bad...ice causes power failures..power failures mean we only have a fireplace for heat, a campstove for cooking, and candles for light...it means as soon as the water towers quit pumping we run out of water until they can bring in generators...It also means my fragile sanity takes a beating...

It is very difficult on the little ones, not to be able to go outside and play...they play tag in the house, and all sorts of loud activities, that fray fragile nerves...they whoop and hollar and quarrel...they act like children...

Ben is still working on setting up our new pellet stove, and as temperatures plummet this week, it will be a struggle just to stay warm with the fireplace and little heaters...i am praying that the storm misses completely....and I am dreaming of warm tropical places, and drinks with little umbrellas in them...but, just in case, i have a Dr. Pepper, and emergency chocolate bar hidden in my dresser, we have collected water, and have some food in the pantry...what happens next is out of my hands...and his eye is on the sparrow, and i know he watches me...

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

it is a battle

I have been battling this last round of kidney infections since Dec. The battle wax and wanes...sometimes I think the battle is over, and then the infection pops up again..

I spent yesterday in the office of a new urologist...it was unpleasant, but he was kind..i feel a little more hopeful this is a battle that can be won...or maybe just managed?

I have so much that really needs to be done today, and as i survey the damage done to my home in the 2 days I was gone for tests, tests, and more Dr. office fun...I just want to go crawl back into my bed...

It really isn't that bad, and i could probably restore order in a few hours, but that is energy i just don't have right now...I also have birthday cakes to bake for Aarons dinner tonight...and my body just wants to go lay down...

I would use my will power, and just force myself to push on...but, i have done that for so long, I just don't have any push left in me...maybe later...but for now, I think I am going back to bed...

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Happy Birthday

Our first birthday of the New Year, and today is Jonathan Camerons 12th Birthday...Happy, Happy Day to Jonny Blue Eyes, Jonny B Good, Jonny Man, the Mail Man..the Great Blondini...

You were a joy and delight the day you were born, and you still are..you are way up there on the ornery scale, but no one is more caring and loving...I am blessed by you, and thank God for my sweet if not slightly ornery 4th son..

I look forward so much to seeing the man you will grow into..

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I am really not complaining but,

I am really not complaining, but, I have no water again...oh, yes, I know, I have said that so many times before. It just never ceases to freak me out when the tap no longer gushes forth, and the toliets do not flush.

My meter was replaced this week, because like many things around here, it has decided not to work. It didn't bother me any, but really bothered the water company, because they had to estimate my water bill...last months was only 21.00.

It was in the fixing, that it all came undone, figuratively, and literally. My water pressure began to drop, and then when i went to wash my wands, instead of whoosh, whoosh, it was drip, drip. Oh no...**** amongst other things, and i called my water lady to question work on the lines, broken pipes, empty water towers, all things we have experienced before...she said go check your meter, they just installed a new one.

Now having lived in rural Oklahoma 15 years, and knowing i had a little hike, i put on a jacket, and my mud boots. When i arrived at my destination, i couldn't find my meter, i did find a fountain, where my meter should be, and a babbling brook complete with gurgling sound running onto my neighbors back pasture about 10 feet over the property line...

Woe is me...woe is anyone who has 10 people or more in their home on any given day, and no water...lovely, sweet, pure, clear, water, but i digress.

The water man came out, shut off my water, said i had a broken line, and needed to fix it, but they would probably help me out..

The head water man Abe came out today, with his helper in the(uphill both ways), and tried to temporarily repair the line...turns out it is on the water companies side, and i don't have to pay for the water, or the repair.

I currently have enough water that the toliets are filling, and we can brush our teeth, and our faces, but not much else. The trickle is smaller than my pinky finger, and while they are going to try and improve the situation, until the weather clears out, there isn't a whole lot they can do..

It snowed all day, and is supposed to snow tomorrow, and then the weather is supposed to go from snowy and cold to frigid...i am praying that we do not have a blizzard or an ice storm..it is supposed to be a high of 21, and a low of 8...for the sake of my water man, i am praying it is over quickly, as he is unable to shut off the water to repair the leak, and it will be a wet fix..

For this moment, I will be grateful for flushing my toliets, and not having to haul the water from Andrew and Tiffs, for this moment, i will be grateful for being able to brush my teeth without having to hunt down a bottle of water. For this moment, I will be grateful for being able to wash my face tonight, without all the trouble of last night. For this moment I will be grateful. Everything else, I will worry about tomorrow

Friday, January 7, 2011

updating life

I realised tonight, that i need my pictures updated as well as my life. I have been so caught up in the everyday and mundane, that i sometimes loose sight of the big picture..

My blog hasn't been updated in six weeks, as i have soldiered through kidney infections, Ben having more health problems, problems with my auto-immune diseases, and the holidays.

The craziness of cooking Thanksgiving for a small army of people..better known as my family, plus a few extras. I served 19 people that day.

We then jumped to Christians' 5th birthday with a party and dinner for the family, i think there were about 25 people at the house. Two weeks later Alexandra went from a 2 year old to a precocious 3 year old. She has changed so much lately. Then of course, my baby girl Nicole turned 15 on the 21st...

Meanwhile, back at the farm, secret shopping, crazy wrapping partys in my bedroom until 2:00 in the morning with the help of Tiffiany, our exchange student Yo, and Niki...the wrapping went on for days..

Lola invaded Santas' hiding space on Christmas Eve, and started dragging things out of hiding while we were distracted..she also hid 4 of Nicoles gifts, and began unwrapping them for her, and passing them out..i am sensing a conspiracy here...

Ben took the girls and i to the Nutcracker, my favorite event of the year, criss-crossed with chaperoning field trips, spending the day in Christians class-room, attending childrens Christmas parties...no wonder i am such a nut, when i write it down my exhaustion makes sense..

I am going to try to look at the big picture this year. I want to spend more time in prayer, and less time complaining. I have so much to be grateful for, and so many people that bless my life. I am going to remember each day to be content with these things, and not mention everyday, i am sick of the mess, the dishes, the dusting and sweeping the laundry, and the laundry...and remember how much i love these crazy messy people i live with.

Somehow, in the midst of the madness, i am going to make time for me, and my husband, because when i am stressed out, and burnt out, in the end it helps no one, not my husband, not my children, and certainly not me.