scattered

I haven't posted as regularly as I would have liked to, but things have been very strange. I am really having a hard time coping with this auto-immune disease. The soul sucking fatigue and extreme pain make me a very grouchy girl in the evenings.

I am trying to pace myself and cut back as Dr. B ordered, but it is almost impossible. I having a teething 10 month old that may sleep 5or 6 hours at a time or 2. I have to do 4-6 loads of laundry daily or my life descends into a swirling pit of laundry hell.

I have not found the balance I need to maintain my home and my health. This week, I have spiraled, and I am having trouble walking. I know God will give me the grace sufficient for today,and thats where I have to keep my focus. Today.

I have been so upset and stressed lately, all no-nos', but life is what it is.

My brother had a blood clot in his brain that burst Friday night. He had brain surgery, and is in a life battle trying to recover from this devastating incident. He is off the ventilator,(praise God),and breathing on his own. He recognizes people, but speech is still difficult for him. He thinks it's 1988, and keeps asking for me. I had 1 child in 1988, and was 20 years younger, I am afraid he wouldn't recognise me.

I have known for weeks, that Ashley needs surgery to remove the screw in her hip. when Nicole fell on her it perforated the bone completely,and has caused severe pain. The hospital called today to tell us surgery is Monday morning. I should be excited, relieved,but I am terrified.

I have had to keep my game face on and I find it so hard to keep it up. I have to be positive for her sake, but her asthma has been flaring up, and lets face it nothing has ever been easy or by the book where Ashley is concerned. She is my delicate flower.

For her sake, and mine , I need to let the fear go, and place her in the hands of the blessed mother. We need the intercession of every Saint praying to God on my sweet daughters behalf.