kids these days

While I was running back and forth between timers, Christian opened the closet door to play hide & go seek with Alexandra. She removed the poles to the badminton set, and whacked him a good one.

I hear the shrieking and put down my cupcakes and head off in search of the noise. I really could have just stayed in the kitchen as Christian was headed to me. Screaming at the top of his lungs with real tears. I asked where are you hurt baby, he keeps crying , show mommy, he points to the living room, he cries even harder...Please Chrissy i need you to use your words, and tell me where she hit you...he continues to sob, Alexandra is also screaming, because i relieved her of the badminton poles...finally, he takes a deep breath, and i say again, use your words and tell me where she hit you, he sobs again and says in the living room....

Okay....i guess thats a new one...back to the cupcakes, and trying to keep my daughter from eating my lipstick, i have no idea how she managed to get ahold of that...at this rate, i will need 2 Dr. Peppers today..

Boomer Sooner

We had a crazy day yesterday, now i know i have said this before, but i really mean it...a severe thunderstorm rolled through our area and had sirens going off everywhere as tornandos were spotted on the ground...

We had lightning strike the ground south of the house, and knock out our telephone, t.v. ,internet, and the power was off 5 different times. I was standing by the kitchen widow when the next 2 strikes hit our pine tree and blew a transformer on the power line. I about jumped on top of the counter it scared me so badly.

When the storm finally subsided, we were in the dark, with no phone, so we put our mud boots on and waded through about 6 inches of water or more to Andrews house. He was without power also, so he and Tiff drove to Johnsons 5 mile to use their cell phones and contact the Power company, phone company and Ben. It took 3 trips by the phone repairman to get everything up and running again, they had to send a crew out from the power company to repair the transformer, and Andrew had to buy me a DR. Pepper to help with my nerves. Ben brought me chocolate when he came home from work...he was afraid i was in the celllar with the babies in the middle of a tornado...

Things were pretty well normal by 4:00, and thats when i discovered Jonathan was missing. Now the school bus drove past the house without stopping, and the superintendant drove by with the kids, so between 2 repair crews and the normal craziness, it took me 20 minutes to figure out Jonathan wasn't answering me because he wasn't home...He stayed at school for 4-H, but my note said it was cancelled, i sent Andrew off to look for him, just as he drove up with a friends family...I need to do my roots, these kids are going to give me gray hair....

Last night was a home football game, and all the big kids went. Ben and I stayed home and carved pumpkins with the 3 little ones..tonight is the fall carnival at school, it is the main fund raiser for most of the classes. They will have food, games, bingo, the kids can wear costumes, it is a big deal in our little town. I still have to make 2 desserts for the senior dinner.

Tomorrow night is the Holy Fest at New Life church, and we always take the children there instead of trick or treating. It is safe, and a lot of fun for everybody. Ashley is having a movie night after 8:00 with her friends, so more cooking is on the schedule...I always make chili, hot apple cider, and donuts..Christian has requested chocolate cupcakes with worms, so i guess thats' on the menu too. I plan to sit in my bed tomorrow night with all the younger children drink hot apple cider, steal the really yummy chocolate out of their bags, and watch Young Frankenstein...

My timer has buzzed, so i have switch the laundry and check the cupcakes...
Have a great fall week-end and Happy Halloween...Sunday we celebrate All Saints Day...
Many prayers for the faithful departed...

The end of the season

Connors' last football game of the season was tonight in Weleetka. We drove the 45minutes to watch him play. I had only made 2 other games due to my health and the flu epidemic we have had.

It was a beautiful night, Christian and I kept watching the sky for dark. The sky went from shades of turquoise to blue then finally black. Christian said look Mama you can finally see the dark. I asked how could he see the dark? and he answered because of the moon.

The boys made some good plays, but were just out-played and lost their final game.

I will not be sorry to see football end this year, as basketball season is right around the corner and Jonathan played his first game on Monday. It will be interesting with Dylan playing for the High School, Nicole and Connor playing for Jr. High 2 different teams of course, and then Jonathan playing. Sean Patrick will even have a couple of games this year, because Oklahoma is a crazy sport state and they take them very seriously...

This is red ribbon week at school. They dress up in some crazy theme each day, and then wear red drug free ribbons...even the druggies, i find that odd...

Nicole and I had a conversation about pajama day, she asked if i would wear my pajamas to school if i was her, and i said no, i think that wearing pajamas to school would be immodest. She said she thought so too, and just wore her jeans. The boys who don't technically wear pajamas wore their t-shirts and long shorts they sleep in...I am glad Nicole chose not to wear her pajamas to school, I am glad she has a sense of modesty, and at almost 14 asks me is this shirt too low, do i need a shirt under it, she is very aware of how the boys in her class spend their free time trying to look down the low slung shirts of her classmates...

So are we just the weird ones, or is this whole idea of wearing your pajamas to school immodest and down-right strange?

those rockin' Tuckers

I went outside for a few minutes for some fresh(frigid ) air and some peace and quiet...the leaves are all changing and such beautiful vivid colors...i can look west and see nothing but beautiful trees with leaves in every color imaginable, and the bluest sky...it was so brilliant.

I had about 2 minutes of quiet before they all noticed i was missing and came hunting me...so like a trooper i helped chase the puppies, tried to catch the chickens, and then we all lent a hand with dinner. Dylan made peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, Nicole and Ben made Potato Soup and I baked the bread (well, i put the ingredients in the bread maker) that sort of counts...

Kyle and Timmi were over, Tony stopped in, Andrew and Tiffiany said hello, and then Kyle brought out his new game system...The rock band Beatles edition...Benjamin is a huge Beatles fan, and since dinner was over Kyle, Timmi, Ashley, Jonathan, Connor, and anyone else that cared to try have been playing the instruments and singing their hearts out...it is a school night, and bed-time, and the dinner dishes aren't done yet...but the crazy Tucker clan is eating cookies and rocking out..

I have no eye-hand co-ordination so i am in the cheering section...they are all having a blast...Kyle can really sing well, I hadn't heard him sing so much in a while...the down-side the boys want one for Christmas, but Ashley she has really rocked the drums...She plays guitar, and piano and has taken voice for years also, when she finished with the drums she turned to her daddy with drumsticks clutched in her fist and yelled, i've got to get me some of these...they rock!!!!

I think we are in for a very loud holiday!!!I am glad they all love music, and playing together, i may have to invest in ear plugs though...you would think i am oblivious to noise with so many people in our house, but sometimes, it makes me nervous.

threats or promises

My Dr. called from the hosp. Sat. morning, she had checked on my lab work, and called to tell me i was very sick. She told me to stay in bed and drink....gatorade, cranberry juice and water...no dr. pepper, that probably lets out margaritas too, but i didn't have the nerve to ask....

I feel a little better today, i just get so tired , so fast...i am going to follow orders this time, as she threatened to stick me in the hospital because i am so sick...she and i both know i am not going...the hospital is full of sick people....she said i don't take care of myself....

I did remind her it is a little hard to focus on yourself when you have a 3 year old with the flu, and a 22 month old as entertaining as my Alexandra....then you just start adding in the other children, and things really get out of hand....rest is not something that comes easy for mommies...

i really hate this gatorade....i would much rather drink the banned dr. pepper....

no rest for the weary

It is only 11:00 here, and i am ready for bed. It is so cold and windy, i had to turn the heater on. Alexandra has been going at full speed since Connor woke her at 6:30, that in my book is a major offense.

My kidney infection hasn't cleared, and i know i am running a fever,but an annonymous boy broke my digital thermometer, and the old mercury one said my temp. was 106??? I know that is wrong....I am going to get a stack of books, and see if i can convince my daughter to sit at read them with me...

Heres dreaming of socks, warm sweats, feather pillows, and my comforter....the reality will be somewhat different....At least Ashley is supposed to bring us lunch from the little store...maybe she'll bring chocolate

only a moment

I only turned my back for a moment, honest, it was just long enough to walk from the laundry room to my hamper, and back, and in that short amount of time my dear Alexandra dumped her drink inside the washing machine on top of her clothes....

I am going to hide in my closet and drink Dr. Pepper and eat copious amounts of chocolate....

all in the name of Jesus?

Our little community has been divided the past month over the actions taken by 1 family, at this years See you at the flag pole prayer ...This well known and respected woman in our community attended the prayer service which is supposed to be non-denominational, and student led...

Afterwards, her daughter passed out 3 pamphlets to all the school students attending the function, which was on school grounds. These pamphlets were outrageous. One was anti-religon. Any organized religon was the wrong religon. Orthodoxy, Catholicism, Judaism, and Islam were all mocked by characatures of their faith. The 2nd pamphlet was you only know Jesus, if you know Jesus, the way we say you should know Jesus, otherwise you need to repent or you are going to Hell...The last pamphlet was a mockery of a catholic priest, and distorted and misrepresented catholic teaching to such an offensive degree i will not name the organization. The end of the story shows the catholic priest repenting of all his lies and evil ways and leaving with the bible believing missionary to learn all about Jesus.....

My 17 year old daughter came home from school with these 3 pamphlets, and several friends all of them were very upset by the content...while the other students were not catholic, many of them have attended church with us over the years, and were angry at the mockery made of catholic belief...I asked my daughter if she wanted me to call the school, and go see the superintendent...she told me Mama, i am an adult in the church, a confirmed catholic, and i will go see the superintendant and tell him how i feel, and how this affects me, and my siblings .

I did suggest that Ashley seek guidance from Fr. Adrian, as i was certain he had seen this type of thing before. He told her, welcome to the persecuted church... and encouraged her to speak to the superintendant about this matter...

The school received many, many complaints regarding these pamphlets, most of them from other christians. There are only 4 catholic families in our area, and we are definitely in the minority. My children, are the only catholic children in the school, but we are not supposed to feel targeted by these pamphlets...

The Superintendant called me after the school board meeting, and let me know what action they are going to take...it has been assumed by many in the community, that i led the protest, however, i wasn't involved, it was my daughter. The prayer service is now on probation, and all the local churches will be notified by letter, from the school board that no pamphlets will be passed out on school grounds, and if it happens again they will ban the service...

The woman responsible is furious that i would find any of this offensive, that i would take something important away from the children, that i would involve the school, and she only wants the children to know Jesus, and she lived in Italy, and all the catholics she knew, didn't know Jesus.

What she fails to realize is that she brought the school officials in when she had her daughter pass out the pamphlets at school. She has not been placed in a postion of authority by God to determine who knows Jesus and who doesn't. Any catholic and many christians would find the pamphlets offensive, because they were intended to be offensive!!!!!

My children have heard a variety of comments the past month. The most common, is from students who have no religous affiliation, the unchurched shall we say, they say, I don't know what i believe, but i am a christian, at least i am not a catholic....

One of Ashleys' classmates begged her not to read them, because she said they were full of lies, another boy ripped his up, and said i have known you since pre-k, and i know these are not what you believe...there are many students however, that don't know anything about what catholic christians believe, and will accept the pamphlets as true because the cartoon said so...

This church has many opportunities for evangelization in the community, and if they wanted to just reach the students about Jesus, why the anti-catholic rhetoric? My family and I did not feel like they were just reaching out to the community, the lady wrote and told me that she holds me and my children in the highest regard and loves all of us, but, we do not feel loved, or accepted.

I have been invited to learn about theBible, and attend womens Bible study at the church that purchased the pamphlets. I have written to decline the invitation, not that i would not find a Bible study on Proverbs 31, and Titus 2 beneficial, but i could not pretend to be in communion or fellowship with women who felt the material was appropriate and acceptable...

I am hurt, I am angry, but I am not the one who decides who is a christian, and who isn't. I am not the authority that decides who knows Jesus, and who really doesn't. I am a sinner, I sin, I am of the belief that tomorrow is always another chance to turn your eyes toward the lord, and brush yourself off ...God didn't put me here decide who is a believer and who is not living like they are supposed to. I will live my vocation to the best of my ability , and with Gods' help i will receive the Grace I need to presevere...

I still owe her a reply to the 2 letters she sent me, but I am waiting until the children are over the flu, i have slept more than an hour or so, and until my hair stops standing straight up....I want to respond in a calm, christian manner, not how my human ,irish-catholic flesh would be tempted to respond with ire and sarcasm...

Lord, Jesus Christ, son of the living God, have mercy on me, a sinner....

fall break

Fall Break is officially over, and everyone is back to school. The weather is cool and crisp, and the leaves are changing. We have been checking the trees for pecans, and i think it is going to be a spotty year for pecans.

We had planned an outing , but due to the interuption of the flu, all outings were cancelled. We did make it to the grocery store, the dr.s office, and the pharmacy, be still my heart....i am so glad the children are all on the mend...Nicole still has a cold, Christian is having sinus problems, and Alexandra, well Alexandra is just a whirlwind...

Kyle and Timmi have been engaged for over a year now, and we met with her parents and the lovebirds, to hear the wedding plans. Her mother is very excited about planning a wedding, and they have a lot of ideas...

They have set the date for June 18,2010, Timmi wants a small outdoor ceremony, and she and Kyle would like to use the Mission grounds with the reception at the church hall. Fr. Adrian said weddings were to take place in the church, and so they are looking for a compromise of taking their vows earlier in the evening, in the church with the families present, and then repeating the vows and nuptual blessing on the mission grounds at twi-light.

I know where Fr. Adrian is coming from, and yet, i understand Kyle and Timmi wanting to use the old Mission grounds, it would be a beautiful setting for an outdoor wedding...I hope they are able to find a compromise....The church view of marriage as a sacrament, means it needs to take place in the church, but i am optimistic that Kyle and Timmis' idea is doable.

Timmis' Mom asked me if i thought it would be agreeable to Fr. Adrian, and i said it seems like a reasonable compromise to me, but i learned a long time ago, not to even pretend to know or understand what priests think, because like all men, we don't think alike,and priests don't really live in this world, their whole vocation is getting us to live our vocations, and look toward heaven, so they do live with a different perspective on life.

As a wife, and mother, i try to live my vocation, but i will admit to having myself distracted by one foot in the dirty laundry, dishes, dust, and cooking, the other distraction lots of children, lately, lots of sick children, my prayer life has been, " oh lord, get me through this, and keep me vertical...not very deep....

Fr. Phillip told me, every dirty diaper, and runny nose, dirty dish, etc. is a sacrifice, and in many ways a prayer...it is living a vocation of service, i hope he is right, and this all counts as prayer otherwise, i am seriously behind....

update

We are in the trenches with the flu battle. Ashley has had a terrible time , but she got up today for the first time in days, she was out of bed. Connor is showing signs of improvement. Jonathan and Sean Patrick are feeling so much better i have been tempted to lasso them, and tie them to a chair. Between the fighting, and running laps through the house, i am completely mental.

The flu got Ben yesterday, and he insisted he had never had the flu in his life, i told him, there is always a first time...

Kyle is on fall break as are the children, and he picked up Nicole and Christian who aren't sick and took them to Timmis'. The tami-flu seems to have helped as 4 of us have not come down with it.

To be frank, i would rather deal with 9 sick children, than 1 sick husband....and so, we pray for healing, and patience, and probably forgiveness for all the things we have thought in the past week, even if we didn't actually say them.

faster than the speed of light

The rumor mill in our little town was working overtime once again. A few months ago, i went to the health department. I saw 4 different women i was acquainted with, and i guess a few who knew me, that i didn't know..

Tiffiany ran into one of the women at school who inquired about my health as she hadn't seen me in months, and wanted to know my due date, if we knew the sex of the baby yet, the usual thing. Tiff told her Mom isn't pregnant, and the lady replied, yes she is, i saw her at the health department.

Andrew, Tiffiany and Ashley decided an intervention was in order, and Andrew would talk to Dad, and the girls would talk to me, they all knew i had been very sick over the summer, but didn't believe i would hide something like a new baby from them.

Ben and I both, assured them i am not now pregnant, nor was i pregnant when they saw me. I start showing 5 minutes after i conceive, it is not something i could hide. I assured them, i would tell them first if there was anything to tell. I guess people just expect me to be pregnant because i usually am...

sleep is for the weak

The house was finally silent except for my t.v. , i was trying to get comfortable, and find something to watch. In strolls young master Tucker. He was very matter of fact when he announced Mama, do you know it is dark everywhere and people are sleeping. Yes, their guardian angels lulled them off, but that doesn't explain you, why are you awake...

I have 3 secrets for you Mama, but i can only tell them if i lay at the back of your bed . Christian crawls in grabs a pillow, and proceeds to make himself comfortable. the first secret,i love you mama...the second secret i want a big black batman like Andrews' with real wings for my birthday(Andrew is 21)but, the third and final secret , was the biggest secret of all, and we had to take special precautions. Christian said mama, before i tell you this secret, you have to get down here, and put the blanket over your head, i am intrigued, i crawl down beside my beautiful little son with blond,silken curls, and huge blue eyes for the final secret will you sing the wubzy song with me before i go to sleep, its our favorite show...So in my quiet still house you could hear 2 muffled voices with their heads under the blankets singing wow wow wubzy...wubzy wubzy wow wow...He went to sleep a few minutes later, his head on my pillow,rolled up in my comforter with visions of wubzy dancing in his head while his crazy mama sang the tune for him...
Goodnight sweet prince....mama loves you....

are we really going to look like pigs?

Like all good things must come to an end, my water joy was usurped Sat. afternoon when Jonathan began running a temp. of 102. Like any paroanoid mother, i said, don't touch anyone, don't breathe on anyone, do not pick up either baby..Ashley was the second the go down, Sunday, i fell like a bus had run over me, but with fibromyalgia, freezing weather, and sick children, like all mommies, i drag myself out of bed, and just do it...

This morning the fever hit me....the dr. God bless her, worked 5 of us in, and peeked at Alexandra just to make sure she wasn't ill. I went in the office to sign in, and had everyone wait in the car, because dr.s offices are full of germs and sick people.

It is now official, we have 3 children down with hini, and bronchiitis, they put all of the children and me on Tamiflu, that is 8 at 45.00 per person, plus 4 antibiotics, i am officially broke. I am not entirely convinced i shouldn't have just bought a bottle of whiskey and made hot toddies for everyone, at least someone might have slept then, and the pharmacy tech, said well honey, if it doesn't work, you may not even care...

I bet they would put you in jail for giving hot toddies these days....Oh, i didn't have the flu, just a massive kidney infection...the stress levels in the house are terrible, half the family is sick, Sean Patrick needs an exorcism, he was so happy to go to school this morning, he told me Nicole and I are just getting on his nerves. Ben and i are fighting over nothing, and everything, he was annoyed because Alexandra was"reading" a magazine, and kind of destroying it, and i let her. He said why don't you make her stop, and i said i want her to be quiet and entertained more than i want the magazine, and he thought i was a nutcase.

The truth is i am nuts, when you have been cooped up as long as i have been with sick, and or crying children somethings just don't matter, and i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this time Rachel Ray, you just don't matter....and i am not giving up Dr. Pepper or chocolate until this over.

blessings

I am praying blessings today for all the men who worked 2 days in the rain and mud and cold to restore water to all of us on the rural line . We had the first trickle of water about 10:00p.m. , and i threw in the first load of laundry at 11:30. I did 2 loads last night, and have 3 done so far. You see, it is entirely possible the lines may start running red mud so i have to watch and wash very carefully.

Everyone is asleep, and i am waiting on the coffee to brew before i go crawl back in bed with Christian and Alexandra. Ben is at work, but it is another one of those cold, cloudy crawl back into bed days. It is on 37 degrees plus wind....i call that winter

At least we don't have to haul water today, anyday we don't have to haul water is a good day. The odd thing is, that hauling water for some people is just part of their daily survival...the hunt for clean water a daily chore...how spoiled we are, thank you god for allowing me to be born in this country where my daily blessings are more than many women can even imagine....

I saw a really yummy pumpkin cake recipe in my new southern living magazine, i am going to fix as a dessert tonight to celebrate our water, and i am going to apologize for threatening to quit. I never really meant to quit, i was just blowing off steam, but after Lee said some Moms really do quit, and the toll it takes on their children, i know it is not something i should joke about, but hiding behind the chicken coop, or locking myself in my room that is fair game...

I quit

Today was a horrendous day, it was one of those calgon take me away days, it started the moment Sean Patricks' blessed little feet hit the floor this morning, and kept on going. His next move was to wake up Christian(Boo Bear) and Alexandra because he needed company don't ya know, then they all informed me as i tried to hide under my comforter, that they needed breakfast, and i needed to get up...

Now it is not like, i wasn't up with a sniffly baby until 1:00a.m. I was upstairs at 3:00a.m. checking on Nicole, and then Alexandra woke up a few minutes later, I think i surrendered around 4:00 and just stuck the wailing baby in bed with me...

Ben, Ashley and the boys went to the High School football game last night to watch Dylan play. Sasakwa won, but they were caught in the torrential downpour, and everyone came home soaked. I had one sick girl in bed and 2 other teenagers unconcious, oblivious, you pick the word to the whole running through the downstairs at top speed whooping and hollering like a pack of i don't even know what, while i am trying to focus my eyes...

We did manage to wash dishes today, by boiling the rain water i collected in containers all around the house, and we have been able to flush toliets by filling the tanks with rain water, but all good things come to an end, and if they don't fix this by tomorrow, the children and i won't be able to stay home. I have farmed out Connor,Dylan and Jonathtan,but that still leaves a whole lot of people relying on buckets of rainwater...

We did no laundry today, but Nicole did comment, it was much harder to do everything with no water, because even washing your hands was a chore, and then we are using sanitizer on top of that as we have no hot water...Ben is bringing some drinking water home as we are down to our last gallon of tap water that i collected before the tanks ran dry...

My little ones were unable to go outside and burn off any energy, and have spent a lot of time in time-out, seperated, in the corner, and on the couch...they have been talked to,prayed over and even spanked to no avail...they are crazy...and i am even crazier...

Connor has a spider bite, oh and his arm is infected, and needs to be soaked every few hours in hot salt water...but we have no water....he is on an antibiotic as it looks like a poisonous bite...and is going to spend the next few days at his friends house...

I told my dear husband i have absolutely had it, and i quit, i give up, i am calling in crazy, this job does not pay enough...he laughed at me, and said, it has been a really rough day for you...yes it has, to make it worse Ashleys' friend said i couldn't quit without giving 2 weeks notice, and terrible things happen to children when Moms quit.....

Ouch! so i guess i am not quitting, i am not going to work tomorrow, i have too much to do here, but my beloved is buying paper plates, and bribing me with chocolate and chinese food...we can only hold out til tomorrow without some water reinforcements...

I don't want to go to Bobbis' this time, they have had the hini flu, and i am afraid to go to Grannys' as anything we might have would be amplified for a lady in her 80's i honestly don't know where we will go, but i do know that i have run out of panties for the baby, and am extremely grateful right now for pull-ups.

I am dreaming of a steaming hot bubble bath and my slippers(which are half washed in the washing machine) i know these little things are sent to try us, but i must confess that today i have failed miserably, and the only thing i am going to quit is whining....i may cry, but i won't whine....

water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink

We are in the middle of day 2 of our water crisis. We still have no water. Last night we had just enough water to shower, but today, there is absolutely nothing but air coming out of the taps.

I am praying Abe finds the dreaded water leak and gets our water lines back up ;and running. It was annoying yesterday, but today with the children out of school, it is down right dreadful. We are boiling water i collected from the torrential downstorm last night, otherwise known as rain to wash 2 days worth of dishes.

If we run out of buckets of rain water, we will have to collect water from the pond to flush toliets, oh joy, i don't want to have to do that again. Did i forget to mention the temperature has dropped about 40 degrees , and we haven't turned the pilot lights back on the wind is swirling out of the north, and we all think we are freezing to death.

To just make everything perfect, we have done no laundry at all in the last two days, none, we are out of towels, today is bedding day, but i decided to postpone it until we have water, why look at all those sheets unnecessarily?

It is one of those miserable winter days that makes you want to crawl under the covers with a good book, unfortunately, if i crawl under the covers, half the children are coming with me....the squirming, wiggling ones. Nicole has been sick for a week, so she would gladly get back in bed with me, but i am afraid of catching what she has. I have had her in semi-quarintine for a week.

Ashley wants to invite her friend Lee over to visit, Dylan wants to take a shower(ha) I want a nap, Alexandra wants a drink, we all want something. My puppies don't want to go outside, it is not chihuahua weather. I did tell Dylan he could brave the wind and weather, and take a dip in the pond.

Rumor has it, that the seminole nation will begin bringing drinking water in tomorrow, if the problem isn't resolved, and turn on their water at the hall for us to haul water home. Life is always an adventure on the prairie, we are still pioneers, it is just not everyday, that we know it. We have had sporadic electrical service for the last week due to horrible storms, and now this adventure.

I know how to collect rain-water, I know how to wash dishes with-out running water, I can cook over a camp stove when we have no electricity, and have survived weeks with no power during ice storms, by keeping my fireplace going bundling up kids in bed together, and cooking in my fireplace, the worst thing, though is no water. I am not tackling this laundry, I am not hauling it to the next town to wash it, so for now, we wait....

Please Abe, I am praying for you, fix our water , the entire rural water route, is praying for you, find the leak, fix the leak, get the tower back pumping water....we are all so desperate.....we really don't want to play pioneer for another day, we want to turn on the taps, and have all that lovely hot water run out...we want to flush toliets, and not have to refill the tanks with buckets, we don't want to play crazy house on the prairie any more....

the list

I was straightening up the misc. stuff Ben pulls out of his pocket every day after work, and leaves by the bathroom sink. You know, the kind of stuff men have in their pockets, change, receipts, hard candy, just stuff, paper, and then this list caught my eye. It had about a dozen items listed on it, but they were kind of strange.

The first item listed was Kims' health, some other things were missing money, work you know I won't list everything he had down, but after i read it, and pondered what in the heck is this, I finally took it out to him, and asked him what the heck is this?

He told me, there is so much going on, and too much stuff in his head(don't i know the feeling) he just couldn't get it all sorted out, so he wrote everything down to try to make some sort of progress with the growing list of concerns.

I asked why i was at the top of the list, and he told me, because i give so little thought to my health, that my health worries him to death. He said without you being well, our home can't function, everything is crazy, i can't do what you do, i don't even know how to begin to do what you do , half of the things we need to do are in your head, and nobody else knows them. You worry me to death, because we need you, and you don't care enough about yourself to put it first. I need you, and i need you to be healthy as possible.

I started to blow him off, because that is what i do, and then i looked at me husband of 25 years, and saw, the real fear and concern in his eyes. I have made the mistake of putting myself, and my health last, thinking i was doing it for my family, when really by not putting my health as a priority, i am not taking care of my family. He wants me well, and he wants our family to function as smoothly as possible, neither happens if i am sick...

He said sassy brat, roll your eyes, stomp your foot, blow me off because you think i am over-reacting, but i surprised him, i apologised for not taking my health seriously, ignoring the dr.s advice, and basically being selfish, in an unselfish sort of way. I thought i was doing the right thing, and then i find out, i was wrong.

Oh what fun, i have to exercise 5 days a week, yeah me! i get to buy a new pair of shoes, now this would normally excite me, but as i have some weird fibro something in the bottom of my feet, the flip-flop queen has been sentenced to wearing real shoes, not only shoes, but new balance high dollar tennis shoes. I mean if i have to pay 100.00 for a pair of shoes i want them to be cute, real cute, but tennis shoes. The pain of it all. No more 4 inch heels, except in the bedroom, and i am not on my feet in there (wink wink)

I do not want to take the medication for the nerve pain and burning, it has real serious side effects, i don't know what to do,i guess we will pray about that, but the other stuff i am going to be so good about taking care of myself, Ben will be shocked, and the Dr. Pepper company will moan as their sales fall...

beside myself once again

I have heard this expression my entire life, and until today, never gave it a second thought. Beside myself, what do we mean when we are beside ourself, do we even mean the same thing? Sometimes it is a good thing, sometimes, bad, sometimes it is shear exasperation, today i was standing in front of my mirror surveying all the damage done to my bedroom by 2 toddlers while i had received a succession of 4 phone calls.

Now these were not long drawn out chatty phone calls, and i was only on the phone a few minutes, but in the time it took me to walk to the desk, and write down the appts., transfer the laundry, and put the puppies out, they pulled the comforter off my bed, trashed my closet, every single shoe is on the floor, play in the sorted laundry on the floor, and the piece de resistance, my potty training daughter took off her clothes, did her business on my bedroom floor, brought me the roll of toliet paper and said "nasty"

Today, she stuck her tooth brush in the toliet, and screamed when i threw it in the trash, she can get into any child proof cabinet i have and brought me the tooth paste, and rubbed it on my foot. There is nothing in this house she can't climb, the key to the antique washing machine is gone, and i have no idea, who what or when took it....

It finally occurred to me i am beside myself...beside myself, confuddled, bewildered, take your pick they all apply. The revolving door of sick children, a 2 week bout of pneumonia, a house that looks like i have been down for 2 weeks, The laundry runneth over, and i am almost out of laundry soap.

Like all families, things seem to go in cycles illness, financial stress, my dears just announced that basketball shoe money is due wed., and for the first time ever, all my older ones need team shoes. That is 3 pairs x80.00 each. The new time person at work paid him holiday pay, and he reported it, so they have been taking it out of his check for the last 2 weeks. We also had our nest egg, an emergency fund Ben had set aside in case things got desperate disappear,2500.00 for some people is not a lot of money, but for us , it was a little bit of security.

Our car insurance has doubled due to 2 teenage drivers with fender benders, and we went to take some money out to go to dinner with Kyle, Timmi, and her parents, to discuss the weddding next June, and it was all gone.....

I asked God today, where are you in all this confusion, are you still beside me? are you walking this walk with me? as i try to sort through all this craziness, and make sense, if at all possible of what my life is, i know very few things for certain, i feel as if i am surrounded by chaos, confusion, smoke, mirrors, i am not sure what is real, and what isn't, what counts, and what doesn't....but yet again, as i literally cleaned the nasty mess Alexandra left for me, and tried to put some sense of order back into my home, i already knew the answer, God was with me, and a great cloud of witnesses was cheering me on. If they can live their faith under such extreme conditions, i don't fail in living out mine with the challenges of my life...

Maybe tomorrow, i will get things in order, maybe tomorrow, i will think more clearly, maybe tomorrow i will make a dent in the laundry, today, we are going outside in the sunshine to play, i think we need some praytime/playtime.