bones or gods' love

As the days inch closer to the 7th anniversary, of lukes' death i am struck by the impact this baby boy had on me. I feel it in the pit of my stomach, in my very bones, in everything that i am, i feel the loss, the death of my child, my son.

I suppose there are people that wonder how i can go on grieving a child i didn't know, and it is so obvious to me. The gaps in my family tree are the result of the loss of a child. 3 losses total, usually with another baby following close behind. It is really apparent with the large gap between Jonathan and Sean that someone is missing.

It is an example to me of Gods' unfathomable love for us. If I in my sinful state can love a baby beyond life, or death, if i feel his very loss in my bones, how much more does God in his infinite goodness, love us.

I have reached the place past shock, past numbness to acceptance. I am even grateful for the children that I will only hold in heaven...Christopher, Maria, and of course Luke, I have often pictured my Grandmother and my Papaw rocking, singing, and holding my babies, the idea has given me comfort of the years.

I am assured someday of a joyful reunion, when i hold my babies, and can rock, and sing to my little ones, because i have been promised there are no tears in heaven...store up your riches in heaven, for your heart will always be where your riches are.