ash wednesday

I should know better than to plan anything, life just goes much smoother when i don't announce the plan. I like to plan things, I make lists someone it makes me feel like I have a plan when really the plan changes at a moments notice around here.

The plan to have dinner on the table by 5:00 and be out the door by 6:30 for ash wednesday services went out the window when Ashley started throwing up in the wee hours of the morning, I joined her a few hours later, and then began running a fever. The baby has the runs, her nose , and her bottom, and won't stop climbing the furniture to dance upon it.

I can barely stand and am really struggling with a flare up of pain.

Thank goodness, Nicole came to the rescue. She wrangled the 2 little ones and cooked supper for the entire family. When I ventured out of the bedroom, I was greeted by a complete and utter mess. My boys behaved like the visigoths sacking Rome, and my house shows it. The little ones ran wild in my room, and I was too sick to care. The horde ransacked my living room, made short work of the dining area, the downstairs bathroom, the laundry room Alexandras' room some marauder dumped to entire sock basket and a box of diapers in her room. Every bowl, spoon, and glass in my house is dirty and all over the counters, my sink runneth over, and it starts all over today. I am still running a fever, Ashley is in bed with the covers over her head,Alexandra is still sick, and still climbing every piece of furniture we own. I am going to change her name to monkey, allthough that might not be appropriate, because she can climb up, but she can't climb down.

I am going to sip on some herbal tea, and try some toast, Alexandra has thrown her toast on the floor, she probably plans to dance on it. I am going to shield my eyes, and make my way to the laundry room and start a load, then I am going to put something in the crockpot to cook itself so that the horde of vandals and visigoths, don't become a hungry horde. Once these things are accomplished, I am going to take my wee ones, and retire to my bedroom. My head hurts and I want to lay down. It is much easier to chase them when it is confined to 1 room.

My prayers and blessings for a holy and reverent lent. I hope that things improve here soon. I was unable to receive blessed ashes yesterday, and I don't think being covered in baby snot counts, but my voation as a mother constantly reminds me that we are called to die to self.
Not my will or my plans but yours lord.

hiding

I have been absent from my blog most of this week. I have been preoccupied with a very sick baby. Alexandra has had an upper resp. infection. She hasn't slept in her bed all week, she has only slept on top of me or in my arms, because she keeps coughing. To anyone who is not familiar with sick babies, this means I haven't slept except for a few minutes here and there all stinking week.

I am not the sweet , fun loving mama of yore, I am the bite your head off if you get out of line mama. I am the mama with barely any make-up on, who's not sure if she brushed her hair today,covered in baby snot very tired,auto-immune diseases flared out of control, pain level not managing very well haven't cooked all week crazy lady.

Dear family, I am very sorry you have had to put up with me all week. I know you don't understand my pain or exhaustion. I also must apologize for having no patience left for any of you. A very sick baby that has cried non-stop for days, that I have been holding for days has drained me. Next week will be better. I will be nicer, just please don't throw up on me or cover me in snot Alexandra has got that market cornered lately.

Presidents day

We planned a family outing to the zoo for Monday, because I love the zoo, and we hadn't been in a very long time. Kyle had school because, the stupid college makes up snow days, go figure, so Kyle and Timmi missed our family outing.

There were 14 of us piled in the 15 passenger van along with a stroller ice chest, multiple walmart sacks, coats, blankets, anything you might need for an artic trip because this is Oklahoma, and you never know what weather you might encounter.

Ben was not as thrilled about our trip to the zoo,because, he had to pay for it, and at 7.00 per adult and 4.00 per child it was going to be a pricey trip. I went to the admission stand and ordered a wagon to haul our misc. junk , ice chest, and crazy fearless children, and started trying to add up how many adult tickets, and how many child tickets i needed(who knew adults were12) the nice man behind the window was quite puzzled by my struggle, and finally said ma'am what are you counting? I answered ,all the people in my party, and he said why ma'am today is free day at the zoo. I jumped for joy, and almost hugged this poor unsuspecting mans neck free day at the zoo . We just saved 72.00, because it was free day at the zoo.

We had a wonderful day we walked and laughed, looked at the animals, dined on our gourmet peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chips, and cookies. We loved the hippos, the giraffes, and the beautiful flamingos.

The sun was shining, the animals were all very active because the weather was cool, I saw more animals on this trip than any other. The little ones were thrilled with the family outing , it was a great day for everyone, and did I mention, it was free day at the zoo, some how that made it perfect.

st. valentines' day

I had planned a nice dinner for my family for st. valentines day. I decorated the table with a rose tablecloth, and a white linen embroidered cloth over it. I brought out the rose candle holders I made for Andrew and Tiffianys reception and placed some around the dining area and sprinkled red rose petals left over from the wedding. I save everything I think.

I made the cupcakes Christian saw on the cover of BH&G, and had been carrying around for weeks. My menu was planned, and then the fun began. Ashley was slicing the potatoes, Nicole was putting together a salad, I had assembled my ingredients, and opened the pork tenderloin Ben purchased the night before, and it was rancid. 1. I absolutely couldn't believe it and, 2. I almost sat down and cried. I really wanted to have a lovely dinner prepared when Ben came in , not to mention the fact that I had 12 count them 12 hungry mouths to feed, and not enough of anything else to throw together at the last minute to feed that many people. I called Ben at work, so discouraged , he said babe go lay down and get off your feet, I know you are completely worn out, I will pick up some steaks and grill them when I get home, and so he did.

My valentine gave me my engagement ring 26 years ago as my valentine present, and while he is not big on cards or flowers, his actions still say I love you, today and every other day.

I'm free

After several days of forced bedrest, the Dr. put me on light duty, and told me she expected me to use my common sense, and best judgement not to over do it . Now, she is an incredibly bright woman, a wonderful Dr. whom I quite literaly owe my life to, and she and I both know i always over do it.

I am feeling much better, but weak from the anemia, and sick from my iron pills. I had an eye appt. today to get new glasses. I was up and about too long today, so much for common sense. I am very happy with my new glasses, they are a tortoiseshell brown on the outside, and pink on the inside, my favorite color. They make me feel saucy, like the naughty librarian, or Sarah Palin in her red shoes.

I went to bed at 4:30, because my legs were shaking so bad, I couldn't stand anymore, and Ben really took over everything today. The girls were gone, so he was on his own with all the little boys and Alexandra. He cleaned the kitchen, and cooked supper. He brought me my supper in bed on a tray. He even gave Alexandra a bath, then he passed out.

Christian isn't feeling well tonight, so I let him lay on the couch and turned wubzy his favorite show on to relax him while his tylenol kicked in he said he had a very bad hegache.

After my nap this afternoon, I feel restless, My home doesn't look company ready, and Fr. Adrian is coming over tomorrow to interview Kyle and Ashley for their confirmation next month. I need to dust, put away laundry, sweep, corral a bunch of runaway toys, and bake something. Oh yeah, common sense, I think it just flew out the window.

I guess I will try going to bed, and making an incredibly long, impossible to accomplish to do list for tomorrow then go back and cross evervything off, I'll start with praying and playing and just do what I can. I know the benedictine motto is ora et labora, but mine is pray and play.

hello world

21 years ago today, I met someone that changed my life, my whole world. At 11:07 a.m. Feb. 6, 1988, my son Benjamin Andrew was born. I spent 3 miserable days in early labor and the stupid hospital nurse said don't eat anything and keep walking. I saw my Dr. Friday afternoon, and she was most annoyed the nurses told me not to eat . I was tired, hungry,grouchy. I was in a very bad mood. Dr. Everett told me to go home, eat anything I wanted to eat , take a shower, and get some sleep.

I took her at her word, and we went to Howards the best hamburger joint in town. I ate the best grilled steak sandwich with french fries, a large ice cold coke with crushed ice. It was the best sandwich I ever ate. I was almost delirious. I was so exhausted from the stupid nurses walking regimen that I fell asleep in the car on the way to my moms' house.

My Mom kept an eye on me, I took a shower and went to bed. I woke up contractin about 4:00a.m, I took a shower, and rocked on the floor trying to get comfortable. When my Mom got up for work, she looked at me and said, your'e in labor honey, I'll see you at the hospital.

My sister Kathy and Ben were having a great time, yucking it up, full of jokes, and good humor, I didn't think they were all that funny. When Ben knocked the head of the hospital table I was laying down as I was having contractions, they almost fell on the floor laughing, I almost killed them both. We then started fighting about boys names again. I insisted my sons name was Andrew, and that was that. He wanted Christopher or Jacob, or Benjamin . I wasn't having any of that.

I had a pretty short first labor hospital wise. I was at the hospital less than 4 hours before I delivered, the nurses never checked on me until I started yelling I had to push, and then they got testy with me saying I had a premature urge to push. How would they know?

It scaired the whole family to death when my Dr. came running like a crazy woman off the elevator met by 2 nurses and they were gowning her on the way down the hall. They weren't expecting me to deliver until sometime that night.

My mother called it the longest 20 minutes of her life, but as soon as I got the pushing routine figured out it was a very short time, and I was looking into, the biggest brown eyes. He was so serious. As I looked at my newborn soon, he took my finger, and I thought your'e the one I have been waiting for my whole life, I am your Mommy.

Mommy, the most beautiful word ever. And in stealing a line from Andrews' favorite book, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be...as long as I'm living your Mommy I'll be

Happy Birthday Andrew!!!!

I apologize

There I said it, I apologize, don't get used to it, it may not ever happen again. Ashley, my very 16 year old daughter said my last post was a little testy, and it isn't nice to swear. I am sure I agree with her, but who could blame me after being in the house for a week with my much loved, and extremely loud family.

I am not sure there is enough xanax in the world for me to survive another ice storm, so let us all pray for sunshine and warmth. I'll even promise not to swear anymore, if God promises rainbows, and no ice storms for the rest of the year it will take me that long for my fragile nerves to recover.

I may be exaggerating the noise and the nerves, on second thought I am not exaggerating, not one bit, I am telling it straight up gospel.