Insanity is hereditary

I once read a bumper sticker, that said, insanity is hereditary, you get it from your children. I laughed and that was that, unfortunately, I now know this saying to be true.

In the last 22 years, i have devolved from a semi-together sane person to a raving lunatic...sad but true...what kind of person, confronted with strange, actually bizarre situations comes to accept the abnormal, aka unusual, highly unlikely, almost impossible as an everyday occurance, no one except the mother of a large family.

The last few years are what has sent me over the top, and i have just given in to the lunacy. If the Dr. says the side effect is rare, virtually never happens, you can guarantee someone in my house will have it.

This isn't another whine fest, because i am all out of cheese and crackers, but my children have developed a unique way to deal with me, it is called exhaust her to death.

Ashley still has not recovered from her bout with MRSA, and sees the Dr. again tomorrow, they are planning to do tons of blood work, and contact an infectious disease expert to see if they have an answer to her very slow progress. Her wound is healing well, but she is still so weak, and sick, and spiking a fever.

In a completely unrelated case, Kyle who doesn't live at home developed a severe infection in his leg from a spider bite, which turned into cellulitis, which then abcessed, and I had to make an emergency trip with him Fri, for the Dr. to open his leg. If it has not drained and improved by Mon. they are referring him to a surgeon for further care...

Christian and Alexandra have both been ill, they are not sleeping well, they seem to sleep in shifts, so I never rest for long. Ashleys' antibiotics have to be taken every 6 hrs. which requires me to set the alarm around the clock, because I never know what time it is, and if the sun isn't shining I don't know if it is day or night.

Connor and Nicole while they are both well, begin track practice next week after school, with base-ball and soft-ball practice during P.E. , there is nothing like a small country school in the south. All sports, all the time, academic team scholastic events, there is never an end to some season. We seem to go from one sport season to the next, with no time off for good behaviour.

In between all of this Ashley and Nicole sing in a girls choir with Ashley also singing in the small group and individually. We have piano lessons for 4 children, which equals 3 practice sessions a week.

Sean wants to sign-up for little league and play base-ball this summer, what a lovely idea....baseball starts the middle of May and ends the first of July with 3 games scheduled a week, and 2 tournaments...

Ashley and Nicole will be traveling to Fla in July, to compete nationally with the choirs they sing with, and Ashley is supposed to play the guitar and compete individually.

To just round things out, Andrew and Tiff want to make me a grandma, and Kyle and Timmi are getting married June 18th.

I think they are waging bets to see how quickly i crack, and how often i have to do my roots!!!!!

Ben says no ones life is as crazy as ours, no ones, and i almost have to agree with him. I am not even sure, that other people with large families have as much weirdness as we do.

My Mother blames it all on me, she swears she spent more time in the emergency room with me, than all the other children combined, and all the nurses knew her on a first name basis. I was her hot house flower, as she calls me, I don't even know what to call my Ashley, she is definitely more fragile than a hot house flower..

I knew when I got married, i was signing up to love, honor, cherish, but i really didn't know i was giving up sleeping permanently once we had children. Our life is so insane, i really am beginning to think i have cracked up, and forgot. Maybe, if i just surrender, and admit to total insanity, things would settle down.

Ben suggested sending me to a spa for a few days alone, just to recover from our crazy life, all alone for 3 days, I don't think I have ever been alone, I am not even certain I know how to be alone, what a thought...I may have to consider, it's either that or a total melt-down...

Come what may...

I haven't been able to get on the computer lately, it has been sick, and i have really been so busy with things at home.

Ashley has not been recovering like the Dr. expected(what a surprise). The culture they did at the hospital grew out expected and unexpected things. She had among other things, an anaerobic bacteria they were not expecting to find. They put her on another specific antibiotic, and finally she seemed to feel a little better.

The home health nurses have been fantastic, and they really have done a great job taking care of my sweet girl. She started feeling bad last night, and was running a fever.

She has been out of school for almost 7 weeks, and graduation is 11 weeks away. I don't know how this will work, and I am praying the school steps up this time and really gives her the help she needs to complete her graduation requirements.

One of Ashleys' teachers contacted her on facebook, and told her she signed her up for prom, and purchased her ticket...we just found out that prom this year is March 12, and no we don't have a dress yet....

I have been sick for 2 weeks, the stress, and lack of sleep really do take a toll on my body...I am on a super antibiotic, and today they called in a 2nd med. an anesthetic type for my extreme pain. Round the clock care for Ashley, and then Christian and Alexandra who have decided sleep is optional, and they don't need it, is about to send me over the edge...I told Granny if they come take me to the funny farm, I want a padded room, so i can't here the other guests banging their head against the wall. Maybe, i could get a nap...

I know we have been held up in prayer by people all over the country, but, i have reached the point of numbness. I am physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. I am finding it so difficult to pray, at a time when we desperately need Gods' intervention...

I am really struggling...I keep repeating my scripture to myself, and run through others I have memorized over the years..I am trying to read a book by St. Louis de Montfort, but my brain spends a lot of time on bubble cycle, so i have to reread it...

I have conceded defeat to the laundry, and will never ever get caught up, ever!!!!!I have to bag all Ashleys laundry and wash it seperately, i have to wear gloves to do her laundry, change her linens, anything that might have come in contact with her wound or drainage...

All my floors need mopping, the tile is very well, dirty doesn't quite cover it. It has been so wet and muddy, half the vents filled with the overflow because the entire area was so flooded, when i say the river ran through it, i mean my yard...

Today, the sun was shining, my friends the birds continued on, I have lots of daffodils ready to bloom, maybe like spring, hope and faith will return to me...I would like to feel something besides fear, exhaution or numbness...

Joy, Hope, and while I know my redeemer lives, a little reassurance of his love and pressence would be a great boost to me now...

I am done whining, and while my baby is distracted, I think i will go take a shower alone!!!!, and put my pajamas on...I am praying tomorrow will be a better day....and i need to check and see if Ben glows in the dark tonight, his nuclear scan is tomorrow, and he is radioactive!!!!

mardi gras

Today is Mardi Gras, and i am so tired , i can barely put one foot in front of the other. I slept 2 hours last night...I had planned a family party, but i don't have the energy or interest to do it.

Ashley is recovering, but still very ill. I would like to say Ben and I are recovering, but we are still very shaken, and my auto -immune yuck flared up due to the stress. I am having a hard time catching up on the dreaded laundry...maybe if the kids just went naked for a few days, or didn't change clothes so often i could catch up.

I have home health nurses coming in every day to take care of her wounds, and you can't find my garage door, because the laundry is hiding it...if i hid it in the laundry room, i couldn't get to the washing machine..

I have no parade planned, no games, no fun meal or desserts, i have laundry planned, and maybe a nap....somehow between now and 3:00, i need to come up with some sort of idea for tonight, a fun and easy menu, and a dessert that can make it self...

I am going to put on a pot of coffee, get dressed, and read Alexandra her zoo book, who knows i may have a wonderful idea, i may just go back to bed...

Yesterday, i folded massive quantities of laundry, and laid down beside Ashley to rest for a minute and fell sound asleep...sleep sounds much better than work, and i think i need the sleep more than we need the laundry done...now that is a desperate situation

Where to begin

It seems a lifetime ago, that we went to Ok City, and attended the Catholic Womens Conference. it seems forever ago, that Ashley showed me the red area in her groin. We put hot compresses on it, and decided to check in with the Dr.s office.

The nurse said, I was doing the right thing, and she was already on antibiotics, keep an eye on it, and check back in.

A week ago today, in the lifetime i have lived since then, my dear Ashley grew sicker by the day. Monday she got up from a nap after school, sobbing that she couldn't stand or walk. The entire right side of her groin was involved, she couldn't stop crying, and we heading straight to the emergency room.

The er Dr. looked at her, and left the room, he contacted a surgeon at another hospital, and told us her condition was serious, very serious life threatening, and she was being admitted to another hospital under the care of the chief surgeon.

We drove silently in the snow, not quite believing what we were told, not really comprehending the information, serious words, medical phrases, scary sentences....

They admitted her to the hospital and began massive doses of i.v. antibiotics, abcess, staph, MRSA...the unknown....

Tuesday, the area ruptured, all along the crease of her leg, more antibiotics, demerol, and then they took my daughter into surgery...sick with grief, sick with fear, lack of sleep,pain, no answers, no information...

Ashley came out of surgery with 2 incision packed with gauze. All the dead tissue had been removed, and the Dr. said, how did i know...he didn't know, he didn't know how deep and serious it was until he got in....The infection extended all the way from her groin to the pelvic wall, but did not perforate it, it also reached the femoral artery and stopped. A few more hours, one more day, and my daughter would have died...

She was saved by Gods grace, or as i call it the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear...giving me a sense of urgency and fear, i couldn't explain...

She was annointed tuesday night, and wed, Fr. Adrian brought us communion...she has been prayed over and prayed for by people all over the country... nurses, housekeepers, teachers, church friends, people we don't really know called and sent messages, we are praying for her...She was lifted up not only by the Catholic community, but several Baptist Churches, the Methodist church, and 2 Pentecostal churches.

Why does it take something terrible for Gods' people to put aside theological differences, and unite in prayer? i am so grateful for all the prayers offered on my families behalf.

I can never thank Billie and Bobbie enough for all the help with the children this week. Tonight we came home from a 5 day hospital stay...and while things are crazy(that is my norm) the laundry is unspeakable(that is almost my norm) So many things just don't matter to me right now.

I got to hold my 2 little ones for the first time since Monday. Ashley was in isolation, and i never left her, and i didn't want the other children to come to the hospital, i was afraid of spreading the infection no matter how unlikely..

it has been an incredibly long week, i am not sure how many years have passed in this week, it feels like an eternity, like a lifetime has passed, but the calendar says 5 days...

We are all so tired, we are all so grouchy, and some of us are in terrible pain, my children are happy to see me, my dogs they are happy to see me, the washing machine hasn't stopped since i walked in the door.

Ashley has had to sing the frog song, patty-cake and bye-low baby bunting, and rooster,pullet, hen..she has also had her nose stolen several time...

I am thrilled my daughter is on the mend, she will be under the care of home-health for a while, and it may take a month to six weeks for her to recover...blessings...blessings...blessings

I am so looking forward to crawling into my clean sheets, putting my head on my down pillows, and pulling mycovers up over my head...for the first time since Sunday night, i can sleep in my bed!!!!!!!

not a drip, or a drop, or a dribble

I heard last night, about 9:30, that our water service was about to be restored. I went to bed with high hopes. The hopes were dashed when i realised through the night that my taps had nothing but air.

We had to go pick up another few days worth of drinking water late last night, because i knew Ben would not have a chance with me gone...

I have seriously considered not going away, but everything is paid for, and the reservations are made. I am supposed to be leaving in 3 & 1/2 hours to drive to OKC for the Catholic Womens Conference on Sat.

I need to get supper into the crockpot, the house straightened up, and floors swept. Christian and Alexandras' clothes laid out, so Timmi won't have to look for things. Timmi is coming down to stay with the children, Ben will be home from work this afternoon, and Kyle is coming over when he gets off work today.

I know in my heart, they are all fully capable of handling this situation, I know Timmi is an able and capable young woman. The children will be fine with her, and the water situation will be tough on her also, but she will have help.

I can't help but feeling though, that i am abandoning ship. I really wouldn't worry about leaving overnight if we had water...leaving them without does give me pause...

The sun came out and briefly said hello, today, we haven't had sunshine in 9 days, so any glimpse is a welcome one. Yesterday, with the wet, and damp, and gloom, and carrying all those buckets of water in caused my overtasked body to just almost shut down...the kidney pain was extreme, and by 6:30 when Ben and Ashley returned home i just laid down, I was too much pain to eat supper...I did however, eat 7 oreos yesterday....

Maybe, the conference will do more than restore my spirit, maybe a night away from the madness will refresh me, and i can face all the challenges of my life with a renewed spirit. The worst thing about constant pain is it saps my tolerance, and my joy...somedays i really struggle to be nice...the added stressors of no power, no water just send me over the top...

They tell me we are getting an entirely new water system, and it will take about 9 months. Now, i have lived long enough to know, that if they are estimating 9 months it will be 2 years give or take in good ol' boy time, cause like Papaw always said, them old boys, they are always fixin' to.

And if you have ever lived in the south you, know fixin' to translates to when i get around to it...when are you going to clean the kitchen Ashley? Mama, I am fixin' to...see i am quite experienced with fixin to...

As for me, i am fixin to, get off here, and put away the laundry ,do 8 hours of work in 2 back my bags, make myself somewhat presentable, get in the car...take Ashley, Nicole, and Tiffiany and run away for the day...the only nagging thought now is ...should i have asked Timmi? she and Kyle aren't married yet, and she doesn't feel very comfortable with catholic things in general, did i make a mistake in not inviting her?

Time will tell...Have a great weekend

friends to the rescue

Bobbie Sue was my babysitter when she was in high school. She and her younger sister Billie have been helping me in so many ways for years. Anytime, I have been in the hospital, or needed someone to watch the children Billie and Bobbie have stepped in.

They are very dear to me. Bobbie had a fire at her house Sunday due to a tree falling and hitting a line, and then hitting her house. They came home within minutes of it started and no major damage was done to their home.

Things have been restored, and they are back in their home with power, and water, I might add. Bobbie called to check on me yesterday, and i told her we were completely without water. So she invited and i down for a bath party. After school, I loaded up a van full of children and tons of dirty clothes.

We started Bobbies' washing machine, and then we started her bathtub. It felt so good to take a hot shower. In all 8 of us got cleaned up, and i did 4 loads of laundry. I left Ashley to spend the night with Bobbie since she still isn't up for school, and they were planning to watch movies last night and have a laundry party and finish my laundry.

Ben is going to pick up Ashley and my laundry, on his way home from work tonight. I am praying our water will be restored today. It seems when they turned the power back on yesterday, they discovered, one of the pumps had burnt up because of all the power surges...

The tower is completley empty, and will take time to refill, hopefully, they will have the pump replaced, and the water back on tonight...

We are having to haul buckets of water in to flush the toliets, and wash dishes, We prepared for this contingency, but really don't like it. It is raining today, and so the buckets we have emptied are strategically placed for maximum run-off.

Granny is pleased, she raised my right, but wondered outloud when did i stop being a native californian, and turn into an okie? Maybe the fact that everyone that raised me was country folk helped in that, and all my life, i listened to stories of how things were done, and i guess to my credit , i listened and remembered...i only wish i had that to ask questions...as a child it seemed like ancient history, not things that would one day be relevant to me and my children...

My ob/gyn has no other patients with a large family, i have the most children and pregnancies of anyone she has delivered...they have been saying i am of advanced maternal age since i was 37, if i become pregnant again does that make me of ancient maternal age at 44? For some reason, that irritates me...

She has sent me to consult with a perinatalogist twice during my last 3 pregnancies, and he said he had first time moms' older than i am , and was not concerned..

I am not making an announcement of any kind, there are days when i miss having a tiny baby, and there are days when i don't. I guess thats' normal.

I have days when the sheer insanity of dealing with toddlers and teenagers, make me want to pull someones hair. I am not certain which age can be more unreasonable...especially when the teenager is arguing with the toddler.

Things are looking up today, i still don't have any water, but last night, i had a lovely hot shower, and brought home clean children and 4 loads of laundry, and the dirty laundry i left will be returned, tonight, clean and folded. That is a good thing...because there are probably 10 more loads of laundry lurking in my laundry room...things that were not deemed urgent...

Ivoleta

My dear friend Ivoleta works at the county barn, she runs the office, while the men take care of all the rural roads in this part of the county. She called to check on me today, because she hears everything, and new our water system was out again.

She always makes me laugh, at myself, at my life, at the terrible stuff going on we talk about it and then laugh about. She always ends a conversation with girl your'e crazy as hell...and she's right.

Today I was threatening to get my shot gun, find the nearest OG&E crew and escort them to our water tower, the rural water tower that is still without power, the same one that the generator is unable to pump the water to fill the tower, to provide water to all us rural water residents...she said crazy girl, if you're thinking like that, some hillbilly is going to do it, and all i said was it is about time....

She also told me, that for the first time in the history of Sacred Heart, Sunday Mass was cancelled. Combine an ice storm, with no power at the church, and Fr. Adrian felt it was too cold, and too dangerous. I was completely shocked...what is ice, and cold , mere freezing temperatures to a Benedictine Monk? Altar society is cancelled tomorrow, and all classes at church this week...

I related my prairie adventures to Ivoleta, and she said all she had to struggle through was with her husband and her little dogs...she couldn't imagine what it was like to cope in the dark with no water and 9 people in the house...I am so glad we have power tonight, I am so tired of being cold, but i really want to catch up on my laundry before the children move out, or i die...

I am praying to have water tomorrow, lots of water, lovely hot water, i want to take the longest hot shower ever....alone...completely alone....no babies, no teenagers talking to me, no boys banging on the door to tell on their brother, and for safetys sake, i will deadbolt my bedroom door, so Sean cannot pick the bathroom lock, and let Christian and Alexandra in the bathroom with me...

Maybe, I should just drive over to Ivoletas' and take a shower there, at least it would be quiet..

The snow lay on the ground

-Day 5 of the ice storm saga~ Our power was restored tonight, and we are all thrilled.
Even better than the lights, is the wonderful heat-hot water in my bathroom, and the ability to use my washer and dryer hoorah!!!

Things were so incredibly difficult, my body has really had a difficult time keeping up with everything demanded of it. Getting up around the clock to keep the fire stoked, the children all camping in the living room, because it was the only room with heat. Cold, and dark reduces even the largest home into a small central area.

My bedroom, the living and dining area, the kitchen and Alexandras' room, all on the main floor, had the most light, and the only source of heat...

I am going to put down some of my thoughts on life in the dark, because, i just may forget it until next time....

We are back in survival mode. After the power shut off, and came buck up 7 times Thurs. afternoon, at 4:00 p.m. we lost power for good.

Our preparations were a very good idea, the only thing i didn't consideer in my menu planning and food was the small detail of an electric oven-

Nicole made chicken tortilla soup, and later we had graham crackers and herbal tea in front of the fireplace, by candlelight.

Ashley read stories to the children-they all fell asleep pretty early with no lights, or noise. I got up with Ben at 5:00am, because his thermals had gone into hiding, so i had to find them-i crawled back under the covers and fell asleep.

It had been a difficult night. Alexandra woke up around 11:00pm, and wanted a bowl of cereal. She kept insisting it is too dark in here, turn the lights on.

The sound of ice coating the trees kept me awake most of the night-It is so quiet and looks like a scene from the chronicles of Narnia-the icicles hanging off everything.

The trees are covered in ice, and are all groaning from the weight. The terrifying sound of limbs snapping and crashing to the ground is so unique, even sad.

I love my trees, the native pecan, oak, sycamore, magnolia and the shade trees around the house have all been damaged.

From the house I can see 5 trees with huge limbs on the ground, the freezing temperatures in my room woke me this morning, the fire was dangerously low,and there was no wood left in the house.

I collected some wood from the porch and added kindling to get things warmed up and going, but it took a while.

I found one of my camp coffee pots, and even though the electric started won't work on my stove, we are able to light the gas with a match....

We had coffee, milk and homemade don-nuts for breakfast, it is very hard to cook in a dark kitchen-i put some mirrors around the candles to reflect the light. We ate breakfast in the formal dining room, the windows face west, and we have a lot of light in there.

We took the wet laundry out of the dryer, and hung it on hangers in the sun room to dry. I had the boys carry in a lot of firewood ,put 2 cases of water in the garage,along with 3 gal. of milk

We picked up every room, swept the floors, put away laundry and fed the animals.

We have spent a lot of time watching the birds. It is all bird channel all the time. I have 8 pairs of cardinals-some very fat chickadees, a woodpecker, and one very mean blue jay. Without the distraction of the t.v., computer, and video games, my children have kept very entertained by my birds.

After getting everything in order, i retreated to the warmth and comfort of my bed.

I am in extreme pain from the r/a and fibromialgia. I have so many layers of clothers on and i am under 4 blankets with gloves on because my fingers hurt so bad. Keeping me company are 2 tea cup chiahuahuas and Nicoles' crazy cat Miss Kitty.

The ice has turned to snow, and we have snow on top of the iced branches, and the ground blanketed in big, fluffy snow.

Ashley got Mr. Chaucer her bunny out of his cage so Christian could cuddle hime, she said her bunny was cold-Christian turned a brown and black bunny loose in the living room-a very dark living room-we all joined in the bunny hunt.

We finally found him hiding behind a cushion on the couch!!!

Andrews' lizard Gordon has taken up residence on my sun porch as we have a gas heater in their. He is under a blanket, they are hoping he survives this weather...

And so our days have gone...very busy, very cold, very exhausting, but at night huddled together in front of the fire, reading the chronicles of Narnia to my children as they drift off to sleep together, i must admit, life is simple and sweet. More difficult than you can imagine, but there is a beauty in the simplicity, and i know God is with us...he has met our needs, and preserved my family safely through this time...

I don't know how long it will last, but for this moment, i am enjoying, the light, and the heat, and being able to use my washer and dryer....later today i will begin preparations for round 2, when Andrews' friend delivers another rick of firewood, and i start getting things in order all over again...