spring shenanigans

Our computer has a stinking rotten virus, and i am reduced to borrowing Andrews' laptop.

Ashleys 'bout with bronchitis again set back her recovery, but she returned to school again today. Her wound has re-opened and she is very frustrated. She is trying to get caught up at school, but it will be an up-hill battle.

I am helping her with her term paper in my spare time.

We are running in circles, if i had a tail, i would try and catch it. Ashley has so much to do, lots of senior activities, and lots to catch up. Nicole is running track and playing soft-ball. She is also involved with the large girls choir Defined and the girls will be competing in Orlando In July.

Connor is running track, and playing base-ball. Jonathan, track and piano. Sean piano and little league. He is quite a ball-player, and excited to be on his 1st team.

Ashley is competing in Orlando individually, with a guitar and vocal performance of her version of I need you to love me. She is also in the small choir 5g's that made nationals. The next few months will be a challenge.

Christian and Alexandra spend their days finding things to get into. I should know better than to be surprised, but i still find myself shaking my head at the antics of my little ones and thinking unbelievable.

Alexandra decided to cook in her Dora kitchen, and someone left the salt and pepper on the counter, and the eggs out. She dumped them into her sink, and mixed them all up.

Christian, came in and told me, sister is cooking in her kitchen, thats nice, and i continued folding the laundry. No really Mama, she is cooking with eggs, I ran to her room, sure enough, she was cooking with eggs.

Now that it has warmed up some we have had a case of spring fever, and sat in the yard yesterday, and watched them ride their bikes. It was fun, enjoying the sunshine and watching the children play.

Ben is back to working on the bathrooms. They have battled with the gas lines, and gas company for 2 weeks, and still no gas. They now suggest we replace all our gas lines, completely update them. The only problem is, we have over a mile of gas line, and the expense of replacing them will be astronomical. We are considering the option of going all electric, which will also be expensive.

We are praying about it, and still camping in our house. One thing about living out here, life is never dull, and as Fr. Adrian, says so we persevere.

I am hoping for a peaceful holy week. A prayerful time for all christians as we approach holy thurs. , good friday, and Easter. I would hope for a peaceful time, but at my house that would be asking too much...Blessings and Happy Easter

not complaining but...

We have had some spring weather, and it has been so nice to have sunshine, even if the wind is a little too cold for me.

Alexandra and Christian helped me weed, the front flower bed, and I cut a few daffodils to bring inside and brighten things up. I may end up cutting all of them on Friday. It is supposed to be beautiful on Friday, but, Saturday morning a snow stormis supposed to blow in , with temp. back in the 30's and blowing snow.

I am praying they are wrong, very,very wrong. It will be awful to have a huge drop in temps. as our gas was cut-off tonight, and our meter was pulled and plugged.

Our neighbors had a gas leak in their well house. The gas company determined that their water softening unit was leaching salt water into the ground surronding their system. The gas line to our house, and my other neighbors were pitted from the salt water, and corroded. The lines have to be replaced, and it is our responsibility and at our expense it will be repaired.

I don't know what it will cost, or how long it will take to have it fixed, but we have one hot water heater, which is connected to the kitchen, 2 bathrooms, my washing machine, and of course my cook stove.

I could cry, I don't even know how i am going to manage. I guess like we did when we didn't have water, or electricity...

We already have so much to do, and so many repairs to make around the house, and then something so major, that is urgent...we don't know if it is something Ben and the boys can work on or if it has to be signed off by a plumber...

Ashley is recovering, but so slowly. She still has no energy, and even going to school only 2 hours a day exhausts her. She needs to go full time starting next week, but i don't know how she is going to make it.

Tomorrow is the beginning of spring break, and i have planned to do some serious spring cleaning and sprucing up. Ben repaired the wall paper in the entryway today, and he plans to paint and paper the bathroom/laundry room tomorrow.

I bought some containers of paint samples, and would love to paint the living room and dining area before Ashleys' graduation party in May. I also would like Ben to finish my bathroom and repaint my bedroom. I know we only have 2 months, but i would like to believe in miracles.

what is normal

I am hoping for a return to some sort of normalcy? , but i have really lost any sense of what normal is. Things have been so difficult for so long, i don't even know where to begin...

I feel the need to purge, declutter and spring clean in general, but i have to remind myself to pick one thing at a time, and go slow. My body is still very tired, and the struggle with the auto-immune diseases makes it difficult. My mind says do, but my body just won't co-operate.

Ashley returned to school, for the first time in 6 weeks today. The Dr. is allowing 2 hrs. to start, and we are to let her body and tolerance guide us. School is ridiculous as usual. I am so irritated with them right now, i am going to have to go visit with some people. They put her on the fail list, as she has been out of school so long, and want to send her to the fail club, with the other students as punishment. She spends 5 days in the hospital, emergency surgery, comes close to dying, and has a long difficult recovery with 6 weeks of home health nurses, and daily packing of her wounds, and they want to punish her!!!! and i thought i was insane....

We have lots of things coming up prom, senior pictures, soft-ball season, base-ball season, track...musical competitions, lessons...so many things, my brain has gone to befuddled or fuzz setting, i am just hoping it is not permanent...

Mom called today, her younger sister, my Aunt Linda Sue died of a massive heart attack. She is in shock as her sister is 16 years younger than she is. We are unable to travel to Missouri for her funeral, but my thoughts and prayers and with my cousins and their children. Time passes so quickly, it has been years since i have seen them.

I watched my youngest 3 children this afternoon enjoying the sunshine, and the puddles(lakes) all over our property, and it was just yesterday, that Andrew, Kyle, and Ashley were my puddle ducks, and now they are 22, 20, and 17. I blinked, and they were big, I blinked and my babies weren't babies anymore.

I am trying to remind myself everyday to savor the moments with my babies. Mud washes off, puddles will someday dry up, but the memories of watching them laughing and running through the water will last a lifetime...

the gospel according to Sean

I overheard a conversation while i was folding laundry, that made me laugh out loud...Sean was explaining to Christian and Alexandra how to be a friend of Jesus...you love God, you love Jesus, you want to be good, and you don't listen to the debil(devil) when he tells you to do mean things.

You want to go to heaven when your soul leaves your body, and you don't want to go to hell, that's why you don't listen to the debil. He is not your friend and tries to trick you...

When you take toys away, and don't share or hit people you are not being a friend of Jesus...theology in a nutshell courtesy of a 6 year old...

I thought he is so smart, and so funny to explain his version to a 4 & 2 year old...

the waiting game

We are waiting for Ashleys' test results, and hoping they hold the answer to her slow recovery. She is still weak and dragging. They have even checked for anemia. My sister Kathy has offered to accompany me on a spa trip. I haven't been alone with my older sister in years...

Bens' test results came back yesterday, and he is fine, didn't even glow in the dark, i was so disapointed. I wanted to see if i could read by his radioactive glow.

Kyles' culture came back positive for MRSA, and Ashley has some weird aerobic, and anaerobic bacteria, that you never find in this situation. Highly unusual, actually never seen it before, no idea how she got it, it doesn't live on the skin like Staph, no answers...probably why we can't get her well.

It causes me great pain and stress to see my happy girl, like this. Ashley has always been such a joy, and her pain and grief, and now depression are creeping over my house...she is lonely, and angry, she is afraid she will not graduate, she came downstairs crying about 1:30 a.m. she is so frustrated. She doesn't have the energy to return to school, they have sent an outline of work, but thats' it. She is in yearbook class, and if she doesn't complete her pages, she fails.

I really love sympathetic ,helpful teachers and administrators, at least i would if i ever met any.....

As we live with such unusual circumstances, life still goes on. My never ending battle with the laundry continues. My floors oh how they still need mopping. After 4 inches of snow on Fri, then the additional mud, I don't know what color my tile is, gray, mud, sludge is my best guess.

Alexandra doesn't want me to ever forget i have a 2 year old in the house, so while i was frantically trying to find the phone(Ashleys' nurse was calling, and Lola hid it in the closet), my 2 year old took advantage of my distraction to bathe 2 of her Dora dolls in the toliet, and pour shampoo in their hair...someone stuck conditioner in the freezer, just to see what happens to it...Christian and Jonathan decided to spray paint their guys black, and used my golf clubs to crack ;pecans....

Do you have any idea what it does to golf clubs when you use them to crack pecans on cement? I guess I will not be swinging any clubs this spring either....

Christian refuses to grow, and still weighs 29lbs at 4! He is so tiny, it causes this gnawing kind of worry. He has seen an endocrinologist, and is scheduled to go back. I suppose it is the fear of the unknown. Kyle at 5'5" insists he is just fine, and i am worrying about nothing, but i have found out the hard way, inner voices often ring the truest.

While he may be my smallest child, he more than makes up for in it flat out charm. He oozes it. He has beautiful long, blond curls, enormous blue eyes, and black lashes. He is frankly beautiful, and twice as mischevious....I never know what he will think of next, and my heathen baby is right on his heels.

I officially have 2 children in their 20's now, Kyle turned 20 on March 1st, and we are having his birthday dinner tomorrow. It is odd, to have sons in their 20's , 2 teenagers, 2 pre-teens, a 6 year old, and 2 toddlers...

3 girls, mellow missy, diva, and drama queen, 6 boys that range from energetic to frentic, and2 very tired parents, that are no longer in their 20's. That is probably why we are so tired...

Insanity is hereditary

I once read a bumper sticker, that said, insanity is hereditary, you get it from your children. I laughed and that was that, unfortunately, I now know this saying to be true.

In the last 22 years, i have devolved from a semi-together sane person to a raving lunatic...sad but true...what kind of person, confronted with strange, actually bizarre situations comes to accept the abnormal, aka unusual, highly unlikely, almost impossible as an everyday occurance, no one except the mother of a large family.

The last few years are what has sent me over the top, and i have just given in to the lunacy. If the Dr. says the side effect is rare, virtually never happens, you can guarantee someone in my house will have it.

This isn't another whine fest, because i am all out of cheese and crackers, but my children have developed a unique way to deal with me, it is called exhaust her to death.

Ashley still has not recovered from her bout with MRSA, and sees the Dr. again tomorrow, they are planning to do tons of blood work, and contact an infectious disease expert to see if they have an answer to her very slow progress. Her wound is healing well, but she is still so weak, and sick, and spiking a fever.

In a completely unrelated case, Kyle who doesn't live at home developed a severe infection in his leg from a spider bite, which turned into cellulitis, which then abcessed, and I had to make an emergency trip with him Fri, for the Dr. to open his leg. If it has not drained and improved by Mon. they are referring him to a surgeon for further care...

Christian and Alexandra have both been ill, they are not sleeping well, they seem to sleep in shifts, so I never rest for long. Ashleys' antibiotics have to be taken every 6 hrs. which requires me to set the alarm around the clock, because I never know what time it is, and if the sun isn't shining I don't know if it is day or night.

Connor and Nicole while they are both well, begin track practice next week after school, with base-ball and soft-ball practice during P.E. , there is nothing like a small country school in the south. All sports, all the time, academic team scholastic events, there is never an end to some season. We seem to go from one sport season to the next, with no time off for good behaviour.

In between all of this Ashley and Nicole sing in a girls choir with Ashley also singing in the small group and individually. We have piano lessons for 4 children, which equals 3 practice sessions a week.

Sean wants to sign-up for little league and play base-ball this summer, what a lovely idea....baseball starts the middle of May and ends the first of July with 3 games scheduled a week, and 2 tournaments...

Ashley and Nicole will be traveling to Fla in July, to compete nationally with the choirs they sing with, and Ashley is supposed to play the guitar and compete individually.

To just round things out, Andrew and Tiff want to make me a grandma, and Kyle and Timmi are getting married June 18th.

I think they are waging bets to see how quickly i crack, and how often i have to do my roots!!!!!

Ben says no ones life is as crazy as ours, no ones, and i almost have to agree with him. I am not even sure, that other people with large families have as much weirdness as we do.

My Mother blames it all on me, she swears she spent more time in the emergency room with me, than all the other children combined, and all the nurses knew her on a first name basis. I was her hot house flower, as she calls me, I don't even know what to call my Ashley, she is definitely more fragile than a hot house flower..

I knew when I got married, i was signing up to love, honor, cherish, but i really didn't know i was giving up sleeping permanently once we had children. Our life is so insane, i really am beginning to think i have cracked up, and forgot. Maybe, if i just surrender, and admit to total insanity, things would settle down.

Ben suggested sending me to a spa for a few days alone, just to recover from our crazy life, all alone for 3 days, I don't think I have ever been alone, I am not even certain I know how to be alone, what a thought...I may have to consider, it's either that or a total melt-down...

Come what may...

I haven't been able to get on the computer lately, it has been sick, and i have really been so busy with things at home.

Ashley has not been recovering like the Dr. expected(what a surprise). The culture they did at the hospital grew out expected and unexpected things. She had among other things, an anaerobic bacteria they were not expecting to find. They put her on another specific antibiotic, and finally she seemed to feel a little better.

The home health nurses have been fantastic, and they really have done a great job taking care of my sweet girl. She started feeling bad last night, and was running a fever.

She has been out of school for almost 7 weeks, and graduation is 11 weeks away. I don't know how this will work, and I am praying the school steps up this time and really gives her the help she needs to complete her graduation requirements.

One of Ashleys' teachers contacted her on facebook, and told her she signed her up for prom, and purchased her ticket...we just found out that prom this year is March 12, and no we don't have a dress yet....

I have been sick for 2 weeks, the stress, and lack of sleep really do take a toll on my body...I am on a super antibiotic, and today they called in a 2nd med. an anesthetic type for my extreme pain. Round the clock care for Ashley, and then Christian and Alexandra who have decided sleep is optional, and they don't need it, is about to send me over the edge...I told Granny if they come take me to the funny farm, I want a padded room, so i can't here the other guests banging their head against the wall. Maybe, i could get a nap...

I know we have been held up in prayer by people all over the country, but, i have reached the point of numbness. I am physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. I am finding it so difficult to pray, at a time when we desperately need Gods' intervention...

I am really struggling...I keep repeating my scripture to myself, and run through others I have memorized over the years..I am trying to read a book by St. Louis de Montfort, but my brain spends a lot of time on bubble cycle, so i have to reread it...

I have conceded defeat to the laundry, and will never ever get caught up, ever!!!!!I have to bag all Ashleys laundry and wash it seperately, i have to wear gloves to do her laundry, change her linens, anything that might have come in contact with her wound or drainage...

All my floors need mopping, the tile is very well, dirty doesn't quite cover it. It has been so wet and muddy, half the vents filled with the overflow because the entire area was so flooded, when i say the river ran through it, i mean my yard...

Today, the sun was shining, my friends the birds continued on, I have lots of daffodils ready to bloom, maybe like spring, hope and faith will return to me...I would like to feel something besides fear, exhaution or numbness...

Joy, Hope, and while I know my redeemer lives, a little reassurance of his love and pressence would be a great boost to me now...

I am done whining, and while my baby is distracted, I think i will go take a shower alone!!!!, and put my pajamas on...I am praying tomorrow will be a better day....and i need to check and see if Ben glows in the dark tonight, his nuclear scan is tomorrow, and he is radioactive!!!!