Come what may...

I haven't been able to get on the computer lately, it has been sick, and i have really been so busy with things at home.

Ashley has not been recovering like the Dr. expected(what a surprise). The culture they did at the hospital grew out expected and unexpected things. She had among other things, an anaerobic bacteria they were not expecting to find. They put her on another specific antibiotic, and finally she seemed to feel a little better.

The home health nurses have been fantastic, and they really have done a great job taking care of my sweet girl. She started feeling bad last night, and was running a fever.

She has been out of school for almost 7 weeks, and graduation is 11 weeks away. I don't know how this will work, and I am praying the school steps up this time and really gives her the help she needs to complete her graduation requirements.

One of Ashleys' teachers contacted her on facebook, and told her she signed her up for prom, and purchased her ticket...we just found out that prom this year is March 12, and no we don't have a dress yet....

I have been sick for 2 weeks, the stress, and lack of sleep really do take a toll on my body...I am on a super antibiotic, and today they called in a 2nd med. an anesthetic type for my extreme pain. Round the clock care for Ashley, and then Christian and Alexandra who have decided sleep is optional, and they don't need it, is about to send me over the edge...I told Granny if they come take me to the funny farm, I want a padded room, so i can't here the other guests banging their head against the wall. Maybe, i could get a nap...

I know we have been held up in prayer by people all over the country, but, i have reached the point of numbness. I am physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. I am finding it so difficult to pray, at a time when we desperately need Gods' intervention...

I am really struggling...I keep repeating my scripture to myself, and run through others I have memorized over the years..I am trying to read a book by St. Louis de Montfort, but my brain spends a lot of time on bubble cycle, so i have to reread it...

I have conceded defeat to the laundry, and will never ever get caught up, ever!!!!!I have to bag all Ashleys laundry and wash it seperately, i have to wear gloves to do her laundry, change her linens, anything that might have come in contact with her wound or drainage...

All my floors need mopping, the tile is very well, dirty doesn't quite cover it. It has been so wet and muddy, half the vents filled with the overflow because the entire area was so flooded, when i say the river ran through it, i mean my yard...

Today, the sun was shining, my friends the birds continued on, I have lots of daffodils ready to bloom, maybe like spring, hope and faith will return to me...I would like to feel something besides fear, exhaution or numbness...

Joy, Hope, and while I know my redeemer lives, a little reassurance of his love and pressence would be a great boost to me now...

I am done whining, and while my baby is distracted, I think i will go take a shower alone!!!!, and put my pajamas on...I am praying tomorrow will be a better day....and i need to check and see if Ben glows in the dark tonight, his nuclear scan is tomorrow, and he is radioactive!!!!