sleep is for the weak

The house was finally silent except for my t.v. , i was trying to get comfortable, and find something to watch. In strolls young master Tucker. He was very matter of fact when he announced Mama, do you know it is dark everywhere and people are sleeping. Yes, their guardian angels lulled them off, but that doesn't explain you, why are you awake...

I have 3 secrets for you Mama, but i can only tell them if i lay at the back of your bed . Christian crawls in grabs a pillow, and proceeds to make himself comfortable. the first secret,i love you mama...the second secret i want a big black batman like Andrews' with real wings for my birthday(Andrew is 21)but, the third and final secret , was the biggest secret of all, and we had to take special precautions. Christian said mama, before i tell you this secret, you have to get down here, and put the blanket over your head, i am intrigued, i crawl down beside my beautiful little son with blond,silken curls, and huge blue eyes for the final secret will you sing the wubzy song with me before i go to sleep, its our favorite show...So in my quiet still house you could hear 2 muffled voices with their heads under the blankets singing wow wow wubzy...wubzy wubzy wow wow...He went to sleep a few minutes later, his head on my pillow,rolled up in my comforter with visions of wubzy dancing in his head while his crazy mama sang the tune for him...
Goodnight sweet prince....mama loves you....

are we really going to look like pigs?

Like all good things must come to an end, my water joy was usurped Sat. afternoon when Jonathan began running a temp. of 102. Like any paroanoid mother, i said, don't touch anyone, don't breathe on anyone, do not pick up either baby..Ashley was the second the go down, Sunday, i fell like a bus had run over me, but with fibromyalgia, freezing weather, and sick children, like all mommies, i drag myself out of bed, and just do it...

This morning the fever hit me....the dr. God bless her, worked 5 of us in, and peeked at Alexandra just to make sure she wasn't ill. I went in the office to sign in, and had everyone wait in the car, because dr.s offices are full of germs and sick people.

It is now official, we have 3 children down with hini, and bronchiitis, they put all of the children and me on Tamiflu, that is 8 at 45.00 per person, plus 4 antibiotics, i am officially broke. I am not entirely convinced i shouldn't have just bought a bottle of whiskey and made hot toddies for everyone, at least someone might have slept then, and the pharmacy tech, said well honey, if it doesn't work, you may not even care...

I bet they would put you in jail for giving hot toddies these days....Oh, i didn't have the flu, just a massive kidney infection...the stress levels in the house are terrible, half the family is sick, Sean Patrick needs an exorcism, he was so happy to go to school this morning, he told me Nicole and I are just getting on his nerves. Ben and i are fighting over nothing, and everything, he was annoyed because Alexandra was"reading" a magazine, and kind of destroying it, and i let her. He said why don't you make her stop, and i said i want her to be quiet and entertained more than i want the magazine, and he thought i was a nutcase.

The truth is i am nuts, when you have been cooped up as long as i have been with sick, and or crying children somethings just don't matter, and i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this time Rachel Ray, you just don't matter....and i am not giving up Dr. Pepper or chocolate until this over.

blessings

I am praying blessings today for all the men who worked 2 days in the rain and mud and cold to restore water to all of us on the rural line . We had the first trickle of water about 10:00p.m. , and i threw in the first load of laundry at 11:30. I did 2 loads last night, and have 3 done so far. You see, it is entirely possible the lines may start running red mud so i have to watch and wash very carefully.

Everyone is asleep, and i am waiting on the coffee to brew before i go crawl back in bed with Christian and Alexandra. Ben is at work, but it is another one of those cold, cloudy crawl back into bed days. It is on 37 degrees plus wind....i call that winter

At least we don't have to haul water today, anyday we don't have to haul water is a good day. The odd thing is, that hauling water for some people is just part of their daily survival...the hunt for clean water a daily chore...how spoiled we are, thank you god for allowing me to be born in this country where my daily blessings are more than many women can even imagine....

I saw a really yummy pumpkin cake recipe in my new southern living magazine, i am going to fix as a dessert tonight to celebrate our water, and i am going to apologize for threatening to quit. I never really meant to quit, i was just blowing off steam, but after Lee said some Moms really do quit, and the toll it takes on their children, i know it is not something i should joke about, but hiding behind the chicken coop, or locking myself in my room that is fair game...

I quit

Today was a horrendous day, it was one of those calgon take me away days, it started the moment Sean Patricks' blessed little feet hit the floor this morning, and kept on going. His next move was to wake up Christian(Boo Bear) and Alexandra because he needed company don't ya know, then they all informed me as i tried to hide under my comforter, that they needed breakfast, and i needed to get up...

Now it is not like, i wasn't up with a sniffly baby until 1:00a.m. I was upstairs at 3:00a.m. checking on Nicole, and then Alexandra woke up a few minutes later, I think i surrendered around 4:00 and just stuck the wailing baby in bed with me...

Ben, Ashley and the boys went to the High School football game last night to watch Dylan play. Sasakwa won, but they were caught in the torrential downpour, and everyone came home soaked. I had one sick girl in bed and 2 other teenagers unconcious, oblivious, you pick the word to the whole running through the downstairs at top speed whooping and hollering like a pack of i don't even know what, while i am trying to focus my eyes...

We did manage to wash dishes today, by boiling the rain water i collected in containers all around the house, and we have been able to flush toliets by filling the tanks with rain water, but all good things come to an end, and if they don't fix this by tomorrow, the children and i won't be able to stay home. I have farmed out Connor,Dylan and Jonathtan,but that still leaves a whole lot of people relying on buckets of rainwater...

We did no laundry today, but Nicole did comment, it was much harder to do everything with no water, because even washing your hands was a chore, and then we are using sanitizer on top of that as we have no hot water...Ben is bringing some drinking water home as we are down to our last gallon of tap water that i collected before the tanks ran dry...

My little ones were unable to go outside and burn off any energy, and have spent a lot of time in time-out, seperated, in the corner, and on the couch...they have been talked to,prayed over and even spanked to no avail...they are crazy...and i am even crazier...

Connor has a spider bite, oh and his arm is infected, and needs to be soaked every few hours in hot salt water...but we have no water....he is on an antibiotic as it looks like a poisonous bite...and is going to spend the next few days at his friends house...

I told my dear husband i have absolutely had it, and i quit, i give up, i am calling in crazy, this job does not pay enough...he laughed at me, and said, it has been a really rough day for you...yes it has, to make it worse Ashleys' friend said i couldn't quit without giving 2 weeks notice, and terrible things happen to children when Moms quit.....

Ouch! so i guess i am not quitting, i am not going to work tomorrow, i have too much to do here, but my beloved is buying paper plates, and bribing me with chocolate and chinese food...we can only hold out til tomorrow without some water reinforcements...

I don't want to go to Bobbis' this time, they have had the hini flu, and i am afraid to go to Grannys' as anything we might have would be amplified for a lady in her 80's i honestly don't know where we will go, but i do know that i have run out of panties for the baby, and am extremely grateful right now for pull-ups.

I am dreaming of a steaming hot bubble bath and my slippers(which are half washed in the washing machine) i know these little things are sent to try us, but i must confess that today i have failed miserably, and the only thing i am going to quit is whining....i may cry, but i won't whine....

water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink

We are in the middle of day 2 of our water crisis. We still have no water. Last night we had just enough water to shower, but today, there is absolutely nothing but air coming out of the taps.

I am praying Abe finds the dreaded water leak and gets our water lines back up ;and running. It was annoying yesterday, but today with the children out of school, it is down right dreadful. We are boiling water i collected from the torrential downstorm last night, otherwise known as rain to wash 2 days worth of dishes.

If we run out of buckets of rain water, we will have to collect water from the pond to flush toliets, oh joy, i don't want to have to do that again. Did i forget to mention the temperature has dropped about 40 degrees , and we haven't turned the pilot lights back on the wind is swirling out of the north, and we all think we are freezing to death.

To just make everything perfect, we have done no laundry at all in the last two days, none, we are out of towels, today is bedding day, but i decided to postpone it until we have water, why look at all those sheets unnecessarily?

It is one of those miserable winter days that makes you want to crawl under the covers with a good book, unfortunately, if i crawl under the covers, half the children are coming with me....the squirming, wiggling ones. Nicole has been sick for a week, so she would gladly get back in bed with me, but i am afraid of catching what she has. I have had her in semi-quarintine for a week.

Ashley wants to invite her friend Lee over to visit, Dylan wants to take a shower(ha) I want a nap, Alexandra wants a drink, we all want something. My puppies don't want to go outside, it is not chihuahua weather. I did tell Dylan he could brave the wind and weather, and take a dip in the pond.

Rumor has it, that the seminole nation will begin bringing drinking water in tomorrow, if the problem isn't resolved, and turn on their water at the hall for us to haul water home. Life is always an adventure on the prairie, we are still pioneers, it is just not everyday, that we know it. We have had sporadic electrical service for the last week due to horrible storms, and now this adventure.

I know how to collect rain-water, I know how to wash dishes with-out running water, I can cook over a camp stove when we have no electricity, and have survived weeks with no power during ice storms, by keeping my fireplace going bundling up kids in bed together, and cooking in my fireplace, the worst thing, though is no water. I am not tackling this laundry, I am not hauling it to the next town to wash it, so for now, we wait....

Please Abe, I am praying for you, fix our water , the entire rural water route, is praying for you, find the leak, fix the leak, get the tower back pumping water....we are all so desperate.....we really don't want to play pioneer for another day, we want to turn on the taps, and have all that lovely hot water run out...we want to flush toliets, and not have to refill the tanks with buckets, we don't want to play crazy house on the prairie any more....

the list

I was straightening up the misc. stuff Ben pulls out of his pocket every day after work, and leaves by the bathroom sink. You know, the kind of stuff men have in their pockets, change, receipts, hard candy, just stuff, paper, and then this list caught my eye. It had about a dozen items listed on it, but they were kind of strange.

The first item listed was Kims' health, some other things were missing money, work you know I won't list everything he had down, but after i read it, and pondered what in the heck is this, I finally took it out to him, and asked him what the heck is this?

He told me, there is so much going on, and too much stuff in his head(don't i know the feeling) he just couldn't get it all sorted out, so he wrote everything down to try to make some sort of progress with the growing list of concerns.

I asked why i was at the top of the list, and he told me, because i give so little thought to my health, that my health worries him to death. He said without you being well, our home can't function, everything is crazy, i can't do what you do, i don't even know how to begin to do what you do , half of the things we need to do are in your head, and nobody else knows them. You worry me to death, because we need you, and you don't care enough about yourself to put it first. I need you, and i need you to be healthy as possible.

I started to blow him off, because that is what i do, and then i looked at me husband of 25 years, and saw, the real fear and concern in his eyes. I have made the mistake of putting myself, and my health last, thinking i was doing it for my family, when really by not putting my health as a priority, i am not taking care of my family. He wants me well, and he wants our family to function as smoothly as possible, neither happens if i am sick...

He said sassy brat, roll your eyes, stomp your foot, blow me off because you think i am over-reacting, but i surprised him, i apologised for not taking my health seriously, ignoring the dr.s advice, and basically being selfish, in an unselfish sort of way. I thought i was doing the right thing, and then i find out, i was wrong.

Oh what fun, i have to exercise 5 days a week, yeah me! i get to buy a new pair of shoes, now this would normally excite me, but as i have some weird fibro something in the bottom of my feet, the flip-flop queen has been sentenced to wearing real shoes, not only shoes, but new balance high dollar tennis shoes. I mean if i have to pay 100.00 for a pair of shoes i want them to be cute, real cute, but tennis shoes. The pain of it all. No more 4 inch heels, except in the bedroom, and i am not on my feet in there (wink wink)

I do not want to take the medication for the nerve pain and burning, it has real serious side effects, i don't know what to do,i guess we will pray about that, but the other stuff i am going to be so good about taking care of myself, Ben will be shocked, and the Dr. Pepper company will moan as their sales fall...

beside myself once again

I have heard this expression my entire life, and until today, never gave it a second thought. Beside myself, what do we mean when we are beside ourself, do we even mean the same thing? Sometimes it is a good thing, sometimes, bad, sometimes it is shear exasperation, today i was standing in front of my mirror surveying all the damage done to my bedroom by 2 toddlers while i had received a succession of 4 phone calls.

Now these were not long drawn out chatty phone calls, and i was only on the phone a few minutes, but in the time it took me to walk to the desk, and write down the appts., transfer the laundry, and put the puppies out, they pulled the comforter off my bed, trashed my closet, every single shoe is on the floor, play in the sorted laundry on the floor, and the piece de resistance, my potty training daughter took off her clothes, did her business on my bedroom floor, brought me the roll of toliet paper and said "nasty"

Today, she stuck her tooth brush in the toliet, and screamed when i threw it in the trash, she can get into any child proof cabinet i have and brought me the tooth paste, and rubbed it on my foot. There is nothing in this house she can't climb, the key to the antique washing machine is gone, and i have no idea, who what or when took it....

It finally occurred to me i am beside myself...beside myself, confuddled, bewildered, take your pick they all apply. The revolving door of sick children, a 2 week bout of pneumonia, a house that looks like i have been down for 2 weeks, The laundry runneth over, and i am almost out of laundry soap.

Like all families, things seem to go in cycles illness, financial stress, my dears just announced that basketball shoe money is due wed., and for the first time ever, all my older ones need team shoes. That is 3 pairs x80.00 each. The new time person at work paid him holiday pay, and he reported it, so they have been taking it out of his check for the last 2 weeks. We also had our nest egg, an emergency fund Ben had set aside in case things got desperate disappear,2500.00 for some people is not a lot of money, but for us , it was a little bit of security.

Our car insurance has doubled due to 2 teenage drivers with fender benders, and we went to take some money out to go to dinner with Kyle, Timmi, and her parents, to discuss the weddding next June, and it was all gone.....

I asked God today, where are you in all this confusion, are you still beside me? are you walking this walk with me? as i try to sort through all this craziness, and make sense, if at all possible of what my life is, i know very few things for certain, i feel as if i am surrounded by chaos, confusion, smoke, mirrors, i am not sure what is real, and what isn't, what counts, and what doesn't....but yet again, as i literally cleaned the nasty mess Alexandra left for me, and tried to put some sense of order back into my home, i already knew the answer, God was with me, and a great cloud of witnesses was cheering me on. If they can live their faith under such extreme conditions, i don't fail in living out mine with the challenges of my life...

Maybe tomorrow, i will get things in order, maybe tomorrow, i will think more clearly, maybe tomorrow i will make a dent in the laundry, today, we are going outside in the sunshine to play, i think we need some praytime/playtime.