the list

I was straightening up the misc. stuff Ben pulls out of his pocket every day after work, and leaves by the bathroom sink. You know, the kind of stuff men have in their pockets, change, receipts, hard candy, just stuff, paper, and then this list caught my eye. It had about a dozen items listed on it, but they were kind of strange.

The first item listed was Kims' health, some other things were missing money, work you know I won't list everything he had down, but after i read it, and pondered what in the heck is this, I finally took it out to him, and asked him what the heck is this?

He told me, there is so much going on, and too much stuff in his head(don't i know the feeling) he just couldn't get it all sorted out, so he wrote everything down to try to make some sort of progress with the growing list of concerns.

I asked why i was at the top of the list, and he told me, because i give so little thought to my health, that my health worries him to death. He said without you being well, our home can't function, everything is crazy, i can't do what you do, i don't even know how to begin to do what you do , half of the things we need to do are in your head, and nobody else knows them. You worry me to death, because we need you, and you don't care enough about yourself to put it first. I need you, and i need you to be healthy as possible.

I started to blow him off, because that is what i do, and then i looked at me husband of 25 years, and saw, the real fear and concern in his eyes. I have made the mistake of putting myself, and my health last, thinking i was doing it for my family, when really by not putting my health as a priority, i am not taking care of my family. He wants me well, and he wants our family to function as smoothly as possible, neither happens if i am sick...

He said sassy brat, roll your eyes, stomp your foot, blow me off because you think i am over-reacting, but i surprised him, i apologised for not taking my health seriously, ignoring the dr.s advice, and basically being selfish, in an unselfish sort of way. I thought i was doing the right thing, and then i find out, i was wrong.

Oh what fun, i have to exercise 5 days a week, yeah me! i get to buy a new pair of shoes, now this would normally excite me, but as i have some weird fibro something in the bottom of my feet, the flip-flop queen has been sentenced to wearing real shoes, not only shoes, but new balance high dollar tennis shoes. I mean if i have to pay 100.00 for a pair of shoes i want them to be cute, real cute, but tennis shoes. The pain of it all. No more 4 inch heels, except in the bedroom, and i am not on my feet in there (wink wink)

I do not want to take the medication for the nerve pain and burning, it has real serious side effects, i don't know what to do,i guess we will pray about that, but the other stuff i am going to be so good about taking care of myself, Ben will be shocked, and the Dr. Pepper company will moan as their sales fall...