preoccupied

Summer Break, everyone is home, there are so many activities. Instead of the lazy days of summer i enjoyed so much as a child with frequent trips to the park and library, we seem to be pushed into frenetic acts..chaos..exhaustion..

I am really unhappy about all of this, and at the same time don't know the solution. I did consider throwing my calendar away, and skipping the events for the rest of the month..

Baseball, soft-ball, basket-ball, track, choir practice, youth , vacation bible school, dr.s , dentists, eye appts. I don't think I can cope right now...we are out of groceries, i have to go to the store tomorrow as the locusts have devoured anything and everything that resembles anything edible..

Maybe my summers were always hectic, maybe they have always been a blur of activity...how could they really be anything else..

Preoccupied, my brain, my heart, my thoughts are still some where else, some where far, far, away, some where with a little baby, i will never hold, never see, this side of heaven..my flesh and blood..my baby..a little one that in 10 short weeks changed my life, but is forgotten by the world.

Our Lady of Sorrows

Today is the feast day of Our Lady of Sorrows, she is very dear to me. 6 years ago Sept. 15,2002, was the due date of my 7th child. He died 17weeks into my pregnancy, and I still miss him. Luke Gabriel was born on April 9,2002. He had blond hair and blue eyes, all his fingers, and toes. He greatly resembled his brother, Jonathan.

God held me up during those terrible dark days after the loss of my child. I am glad to have carried this precious little one,even though he was not meant to know me in this world.

For years I was so sad he spent his brief life alone, and then one day I found the book "Angel in the Waters" it is the story of an unborn baby and his guardian angel keeping him company in the womb and counting the time until birth.

Thank you God for the gift of this book, and the realisation my dear son was never alone. For 6 years I have decorated Our Ladys' Altar in memory of my son, and the gift God gave back to me...I fainted on Sunday,Sept. 15,2002, it was on that bittersweet day I discovered we were blessed again and on April 30,2003 5 weeks early , Sean Patrick Charles was born.

Eternal Rest Grant unto them oh Lord, and may your perpetual light shine upon them, Amen.