in the stillness

I am trying to live out my scripture for the year, but i have run into a roadblock, its called Christmas. Christmas ought to be the perfect time for stillness. Wait upon the lord, we spent the 4 weeks of Advent waiting...now i feel not still, not at peace. I feel like the chicken whos' head has been chopped off , and i am running in circles looking for my head.


The house is not clean....the laundry is so far behind...all the long trips to the heart hospital have affected my schedule at home...Everything looks like i have been gone for days on end...

Perhaps my heart isn't in it.. i have been so exhausted, and stressed, the worry takes a toll on me...i had hoped for a defenitive answer this week, not the answer we received.

Ben is going to have more tests, this time they are sending him to a neurologist. They know his blood pressure is bottoming out, and there is a disconnect between his brain and body..

He is really frustrated and angry right now....He is still having the episodes of dizziness and confusion. He is angry because people know, and they all offer their pet theory...

I need to wrap gifts, clean house, and laundry, cook dinner, decorate the tables, be cheerful, and act like nothing is wrong, and some how take time to rest today. one thing about midnight mass that i hate, it's at midnight, and i want to go to sleep. Another thing, it is cold today, very,very cold...so a little prayer for Christmas Eve....dear lord, be with Ben today clear the clouds from his eyes, and help him to see what is real, and what isn't...help me to see that there is no Christmas perfection but you Lord, and this might be the perfect time to hide some laundry until after Christmas. Give me your peace, your strength, your stillness, but most of all your joy, your daughter Kimberly. p.s. Happy Birthday