what not to wear...

What do you wear camping when it is 105? Nothing, because only crazy people would go camping when it is 105. Luckily a "cold" front came through last night, and it is only supposed to be 95 today.

That still leaves me with the dilemma of what not to wear. I don't wear shorts, I have a few skorts, and capris. I wear skirts all the time, but who wants to ruin their good summer skirts in the oklahoma mud and dirt.

Mr. Tucker says just wear your swimsuit. Oh yeah, i just see me prancing around the campsite in a swimsuit for 4 days. Just give me a crown and call me Miss America. I will wave to the adoring crowds as i make my way around the area.

I wear my swimsuit for swimming, and that's it. So the heat thing has left me with a bit of a conundrum. I hate to be hot. I don't like jeans. I don't want to ruin my clothes. I guess i will do what any sensible person would do in a heat wave. Just stay home!!!!

No one will let me stay home, because it is only 95 degrees now, and it will be perfect at the Lake, just ask me....

honey don't

I know many wives have a honey do list. I do too. There are things on that list like finishing the trim and tile in our bathroom. Putting up the new french doors in our bedroom. We have quite a large list of things to do at our home.

Right now i am overwhelmed, and so i am focusing on the honey don't list. It is not nearly as long or as extensive as the honey do list.

It goes like this. Honey do give me all the love and support you can spare right now, i need it. Honey please don't go on the internet and research all the things i might have. I know to you expanding the list from the possibility of 1 terrible diagnosis to 1200 possible illnesses, conditions, whatever. This does not comfort me as i am not a linear thinker.

I do not see life according to lines and equations. I do not feel any comfort or relief from the horse and zebra comparison. The vast information on all these web-pages only cause me anxiety and stress.

I don't want to read them, i don't want to know. i have no interest or desire to compare myself to all the people and their symptoms floating out there in never-never land. Today is enough for me. I have things to pack, lists to make, clothes to iron and meals to prepare.

I understand that this is how your brain works, but mine doesn't . I hope you can relate to how i feel, but this internet search is scaring me to death, and i just don't have time to be scared.

we're havin' a heat wave

i watched the local news last night, just for kicks, and found out we were in the middle of a heat wave. An honest to goodness triple digit heat-wave. It is supposed to last until monday. I know I have lived in Oklahoma for 14 years, and the 7 before that in the San Joaquin Valley, I know what hot is.

Deep down though, i am still the Northern California sissy, that thinks 70 degrees is perfect, and anything much over 80 is ridiculous. I literally hide in the house until the sun goes behind the trees, then i check the damage to my flowers and things brought on by the heat. I have been known to climb in the pool when the water is well warmed, and it isn't too hot to breathe outside.

Ben works at the Brick plant, and he said this morning it was 120 on the kiln decks. i am praying nothing goes wrong, and he can just manage things from the control room, and won't have to spend too much time on the decks this week.

I am so afraid of the kilns, i hate the heat and the noise, i am terrified of walking across them. I literally stopped in my tracks afraid to move. Ben had to take me by the hand to coax me back down to the office. I told him i have seen hell, and never want to see that again.

I know i should have been aware we were having a heat-wave without being told by the weather-man, how-ever, i have a very good reason for being a bit out of touch. It is called the summer yuck.

Tuesday evening, i touched Sean and he was burning up. His temp. went above 104. He then began vomiting all over the house. Loads of fun. Last night Christian was hit by the same thing. He spiked a temp. of 103, and then started shaking terribly. It took a little while to get his temp under control. Alexandra was up and down all night. She fussed and cried(oh wait, that was me) , at 2:00a.m. i just gave up and left her in bed with me.

Christian was in bed with us also, his hot little body just tossed and turned, he would cry out for a drink of water. Ben and I tried to keep him comfortable. It was a very long and difficult night for everyone. Bens' alarm went off at 4:30, and then both the babies woke up.

The 3 of us waived Ben off at 5:15. We ate breakfast, yelled at the stupid rooster to stop crowing outside my window, and finally went back to bed at 8:00. It is almost noon, and everyone here is still moving in slow motion.

The children just ate breakfast a 2nd time, or is that lunch? I am so confused. I am getting hungry again, but i ate a pumpkin muffin and some watermelon at the crack of dawn. I baked 36 muffins and froze them for le camping, but we have eaten most of them. I am either going to have to bake more on Sat. morning or forget fresh muffins for our trip.

I have been told the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but what about the road to the Lake. What if i don't bake the muffins and cookies, what if we eat junky camping food instead. What if i don't make the spaghetti sauce to take down for the first night, and (gasp) the children and husband have to eat sandwiches instead.

I have to continue my camping count down today. I need to finalize the menu and figure out what utensils, and seasonings to pack. I have to track down sandals and swim shoes, life jackets, beach towels and swim suits. I also have to pack or supervise the packing of a house full of children. Ashley and Kyle are on their own.

I have made a few requests for myself for this trip. 1 my own tent. I am only sharing with the 2 babies. Lest you think i am mean, Ben likes to sleep under the stars on top of a sleeping bag with his favorite girl Maggie(the mastiff). 2 i want a battery operated fan for my tent in case the lake side breezes fail to show up. 3 a queen size elevated air mattress(yeah, yeah, i know sissy)
4 a large frozen bottle a Margaritas , i may even survive this camping trip.

The last time i went camping with my older sister Anita her 3 boys, my Dad, and our then family of two children. She and I sat by the Lake sipping white wine out of my Dads' coffee cups, and she looked at me as we dipped our toes in the water, it was twi-light and really beautiful with the trees silhouetted in the sunset. We were hot, but having a great time laughing and goofing off. She sighed and said God, how i hate camping. I know just what she means.

the jokes on me

For the last month Alexandra has been running me ragged with her new game. It is called pee-pee. She yells pee-pee, and runs to the bathroom, i strip her and pull off her diaper, she sits for maybe 2 seconds jumps up flushes the toliet and promptly pees on the floor.

After a month, the game has gotten a little old for me,but it never ceases to amuse her, so for the sake of peace, she yells pee-pee, and i make Ashley or Nicole run to the bathroom with her and repeat the ritual.

The girls are not amused. They think it is a waste of time, and a waste of time. i insist someday soon she will get the hang of it , and won't we all be happy when we don't have to change a diaper everytime she yell pee-pee.

Today she decided to mix it up a little bit, we had already made 500(at least a dozen) trips to the bathroom when she yelled pee-pee and grabbed my hand. Once again we ran to the bathroom, i pulled off her diaper and tucked the front and back of her dress into the collar for safety and was about to put her on the toliet when she stepped on the scale. I said no Alexandra you have to sit down, and she promptly sat on the scale and peed on it. She was so proud. I cleaned up the scale and was laughing so hard Ben came to see what was so funny(if i had lost my mind again).

He stood in the bathroom door and found the baby and i sitting on the floor, me in hysterics, and the baby using her diaper trying to help me clean up the scale. There is never a dull moment at the lazy-t ranch or tuckerville as our neighbors call it.

Who ever thought potty-training could be so much fun.

Daddy

21 years ago my husband became a Daddy for the very first time, and while he is an experienced Daddy now, it has never become old or routine.

From the first moment he held Andrew and looked into those big brown eyes he fell in love, and i have watched him fall in love all over each time he held one of our babies. He fell in love with the new life we helped to create, and he fell in love with me.

I laughed the first time he struggled to dress Andrew, and change his first diaper ever, and i laughed every time he put one of the babies shirts on backwards. He insists they don't make babies clothes properly. Whoever heard of shirts that buttoned up the back????

I have watched him teach his children to play ball, fish, set up tents, cook, work on cars all the sorts of things Daddys' teach their little ones. I have watched him develop relationships with his grown sons, and growing daughters, all while juggling the needs of 4 little boys and a baby girl.\

He is an amazing man, and my hero. I don't say that lightly or just because i love him, it is the fact that for 25 years, he has got up and gone to work everyday to provide for my needs and the needs of our ever-growing family. I respect who he is as a person, and who he has grown to be, because he put the love of his wife and children first.

He may never be rich, he may never be famous, but he has so many gifts that money just can't buy. Happy Fathers' Day sweetheart, i think i love you more now than ever.

bricktown

Wednesday morning we dropped off Ashley for her trip to OU, and headed to OKC. As a surprize, Ben made reservations for a suite at one of the Hotels in Brick town. We never stay there because it is so expensive. Our suite was lovely, and it overlooked the pool, and the Brick-town canal.

We spent the day doing a lot of nothing, swimming in the pool and just relaxing. Ben wanted to take my mind off the next days events, and he did a really great job. I enjoyed playing in the pool with Nicole and Alexandra. I even bought a new swimsuit.

We went to Bass Pro Shop, Oklahomas' favorite vacation destination. They sell everything you never knew you needed for camping, fishing, hunting and boating. Alexandra loves the displays in the store and gets very excited about the large fish tank. I think it is so funny that people spend the whole day in there. If they had a cafe, some people would never leave.

Nicole wanted to eat dinner at Toby Keiths' Bar and Grill. It was way too loud for me, and so expensive. We decided on Earls BBQ. They have the best okra, i didn't have to make. It was wonderful.

After dinner, we wandered all around the canal area and ate really decadent ice cream at the marble creamery. We went back to the hotel, and swam some more, and then off to bed. We had to be at the hospital at 7:00.

Ben really went out of his way to help me to relax and have a lovely day. He knew my anxiety levels were sky-high. I was really calm until we got to the surgical center, and there was a hill-billy family from hell there having a party in the waiting room. They were so loud, i couldn't hear the questions the receptionist and nurse were asking me. I finally asked if someone got confused about where the party was at, because i thought it was a hospital.

They finally asked them to quiet down. It was unbelievable. They even had food...who has a party in a waiting room????I was almost relieved(almost) to go back into surgery, at least i escaped the crazy loud people.

I remembered to pray, and even to offer up the pain afterwards, but i can't help but be grateful they only stuck me 3 times for the i.v.. It slipped out and they couldn't get it securely in the vein. The 2nd nurse said the only good vein i had was where they would normally draw blood. I said please use a good vein.

It must have been a good one, because the last thing i remember was being put on the operating table, and then lights out...I am still recovering, and face some additional procedures this summer+ 6 months of antibiotics, but i keep telling myself the goal is to be healthy and feel good again. I have way too much to do, to not feel well.

Alexandra has been so clingy since my hospital visit. She stays with me all the time, which is fine,except she wants to sit on my tummy, and that is not so good. I am still very sore. Tomorrow is another day, and i know it will be a better one.

feed me Seymour

Tiffiany came over Saturday morning to take me to Walmart for a few supplies, and to the grocery store to pick up a few things. I need to do a serious shopping, but i haven't had the energy, and Kyle has been doing most of my shopping after work at the big Wal-mart he works at.

I really appreciate all the shopping he has done for me, but it has taken a toll on my grocery budget. It is always a little bit of a shock when the children get out of school. They have been home for a month now, and i have come to the conclusion that children eat constantly. They are kind of like cows and just graze all day long.

We go through a gallon of milk, 2 loaves of bread, lots of butter, a lb of lunch meat, crackers, graham crackers and lots of fruit every day. Every other day they tell me there is nothing to eat in the house. I make lists, i offer suggestions, and i hear the same thing over and over.

The babies and I eat a very simple lunch. It is left-overs or some sort of sandwich. For some reason, they think i need to cook them lunch everyday. I say to them hello, it is 98 degrees plus humidity, i don't want to eat, let alone cook . I turned the air conditioner on last week. I don't want to heat the house up by cooking non-stop. I am not a short-order cook!!!!

We alternate breakfasts between hot items and cold cereal, so they are not entirely mistreated. They have a nice supper every night, these are not neglected children. I just don't want to cook all the time....

Since i have been so ill this spring, the girls and Ben have really helped with the cooking, i don't have the energy i normally have, and tend to fade in the afternoon. Thank goodness for crock-pots. They are really a busy mommys best-friend. I even found a way to cook a large amount of "baked potatos" in the crock pot.

Tomorrow night, we are having bbq chicken, crock-pot potatos, corn on the cob and a tossed salad. I am supposed to make Ben lemon squares. I was too tired tonight.

I have to plan the childrens meals for wednesday and thursday as i will be at the hospital. Ashley and Kyle are both able to cook, but they want me to keep it very simple. They would prefer pizza, but they want pizza hut to make it if mama isn't home to roll out the crust.

I have a lot of anxiety about the whole hospital visit. I really hate the very idea of going. I dread the i.v. They can never get them in me. I have been stuck over and over. I am hoping the anesthesiologist puts it in. They at least numb my arm with lido-caine before they start digging.
I do not want a catheter either, but lucky me, i have won the lottery....

I think my past hospital experiences just add fuel to my anxiety. I know i need to relax, and be calm, it is just getting there.