a year in a day

I am so forgetful, live is full and hectic, and often overwhelming. I seem to forget to take time to reflect and think, and put the days experiences into perspective.

I am rolling with the punches, going with the flow, and losing something in the process. How to balance life and chores and pain, the needs and expectations of others, nourish my spirit, and not go completely over the edge into full blown craziness?

Today, I am going to remember to focus, and remember to pray, over up the pain and struggles I am faced with everyday, and start fresh.

My family is growing, My older children are now young adults, I have a beautiful new granddaughter, and I am watching the middle group of children grow and mature into wonderful teenagers. I have 4 teenagers, 3 at home, 1 middle and 2 littles...2 married sons, 2 daughter-in-laws, and of course that wonderful grandgirl.

My beloved and i are sneaking up on 28 years of marriage, and I wonder how that is possible...how did time begin to change...when did days turn to moments...years to days..

Jonathan

Jonathan recently announced to me, that I haven't blogged in months. You are so behind Mom, and it is no fun to keep rereading your old posts. You need to get with it.

I will admit to being completely overwhelmed by life and health issues. With childrens' field trips and sports activities, with trying( and the operative word is trying) to maintain a home for so many people when my body just doesn't want to cooperate.

I have had new and worsening symptoms this spring, and the emotional roller-coaster of dealing with the cause of my miscarriages..It is a strange time in my life. I have to accept the fact that any future pregnancies will probably result in loss, and that my baby days are over.

God has seen fit to give me a consolation through this trial. I still have 2 young ones that provide the joy and laughter only toddlers can provide, but I have going to be a grandmother.

My son Kyle and his wife Timmi are expecting their first child in November, and we are all so excited.

I have taken a lot of teasing from the kids about being Grandma, Grammy, Memaw, Granny, Maw, whatever they can think of...and I said bring it on...I don't care what the baby calls me, my heart is overjoyed...on an ornery note, I keep telling Ben, I have never slept with a Grandpa before, and delight in calling him Pops...

Birthday Madness

It seems everytime i turn around, it is someones birthday...Andrew Feb.6, Kyle, March1, my Mom, Granny, sisters, the birthdays are crazy...

I still have to take Kyle and Timmi out to dinner, and send Fr. Matthew birthday greetings, He turned 89 this week, and is still going strong...he gives me the lecture, why when he was my age, he could have run circles around me...

I tell him, the good lord gave you an iron constitution, and he gave me 9 children and 4 auto-immune diseases...so I can't keep up with a man who is twice my age...motherhood has consolations...i am sure in time, i will be able to appreciate my diagnosis, and find consolation in it...for now i just do the best i can...

I have hidden what i have for so long, until i could no longer hide it, and have to say outloud, yes, i have this, no i am not just skipping out on ball games, my body is skipping out on me...

Jonathan is still wanting to have a houseful of boys over for a game day, as we had no water, and a blizzard during his birthday...why not it will be great fun...a ball game at Tucker field and a mess of boys to eat me out of house and home...oh wait, i already have that....

Next up on the birthday list...my daughter in law Timmi...she will be 20, and then later in April my dear Sean Patrick will turn 8...we will have a small birthday break , which will coincide with little league base-ball, and the older childrens seasons...soft-ball, track, base-ball..

The consolations of motherhood..

life, liberty and pursuit of happiness...

There you have it, my dear girl has said out loud, what i have been thinking she was thinking.. it goes something like this...if i live at home, there are rules, if i live at home, there are chores, if i live at home, there are people there that think rules and chores, need to be obeyed...those people take away cars...


If i stay in the dorms this summer, i will have to go to classes, and do more class work, but the rules, and chores are my own.....

I could take the summer off, and get a job for the summer, and stay at home, but those pesky parents and rules swarm me like mosquitos...and all those children, i love them, but they are so loud, and all over me...

I want to see my boyfriend any time i please, and not have anyone tell me no...no you can't go out to the bridge, no you can't spend the night at Josh's Grandmas, no, it just doesn't look nice...like i care what anyone thinks...I am 18, I am a college student, I am supposed to have fun,I am supposed to do whatever I want to do, I am an adult...I am not doing anything wrong...I just sleep on the futon...at his friends grandmas it is no big deal mom...don't roll your eyes, and get all mom on me...

This conversation has been provided courtesy of my active imagination and my beautiful 18 daughter Ashley Catherine Julieanne...the college student...to be continued..

incoming

We have been collecting water, buying groceries, planning meals, and in general taking note of what we have, and what we may need..

We are in the line of fire for an incoming weather front. While the counties above us are supposed to get snow, we are supposed to get ice...ice is bad...ice causes power failures..power failures mean we only have a fireplace for heat, a campstove for cooking, and candles for light...it means as soon as the water towers quit pumping we run out of water until they can bring in generators...It also means my fragile sanity takes a beating...

It is very difficult on the little ones, not to be able to go outside and play...they play tag in the house, and all sorts of loud activities, that fray fragile nerves...they whoop and hollar and quarrel...they act like children...

Ben is still working on setting up our new pellet stove, and as temperatures plummet this week, it will be a struggle just to stay warm with the fireplace and little heaters...i am praying that the storm misses completely....and I am dreaming of warm tropical places, and drinks with little umbrellas in them...but, just in case, i have a Dr. Pepper, and emergency chocolate bar hidden in my dresser, we have collected water, and have some food in the pantry...what happens next is out of my hands...and his eye is on the sparrow, and i know he watches me...

it is a battle

I have been battling this last round of kidney infections since Dec. The battle wax and wanes...sometimes I think the battle is over, and then the infection pops up again..

I spent yesterday in the office of a new urologist...it was unpleasant, but he was kind..i feel a little more hopeful this is a battle that can be won...or maybe just managed?

I have so much that really needs to be done today, and as i survey the damage done to my home in the 2 days I was gone for tests, tests, and more Dr. office fun...I just want to go crawl back into my bed...

It really isn't that bad, and i could probably restore order in a few hours, but that is energy i just don't have right now...I also have birthday cakes to bake for Aarons dinner tonight...and my body just wants to go lay down...

I would use my will power, and just force myself to push on...but, i have done that for so long, I just don't have any push left in me...maybe later...but for now, I think I am going back to bed...

Happy Birthday

Our first birthday of the New Year, and today is Jonathan Camerons 12th Birthday...Happy, Happy Day to Jonny Blue Eyes, Jonny B Good, Jonny Man, the Mail Man..the Great Blondini...

You were a joy and delight the day you were born, and you still are..you are way up there on the ornery scale, but no one is more caring and loving...I am blessed by you, and thank God for my sweet if not slightly ornery 4th son..

I look forward so much to seeing the man you will grow into..

I am really not complaining but,

I am really not complaining, but, I have no water again...oh, yes, I know, I have said that so many times before. It just never ceases to freak me out when the tap no longer gushes forth, and the toliets do not flush.

My meter was replaced this week, because like many things around here, it has decided not to work. It didn't bother me any, but really bothered the water company, because they had to estimate my water bill...last months was only 21.00.

It was in the fixing, that it all came undone, figuratively, and literally. My water pressure began to drop, and then when i went to wash my wands, instead of whoosh, whoosh, it was drip, drip. Oh no...**** amongst other things, and i called my water lady to question work on the lines, broken pipes, empty water towers, all things we have experienced before...she said go check your meter, they just installed a new one.

Now having lived in rural Oklahoma 15 years, and knowing i had a little hike, i put on a jacket, and my mud boots. When i arrived at my destination, i couldn't find my meter, i did find a fountain, where my meter should be, and a babbling brook complete with gurgling sound running onto my neighbors back pasture about 10 feet over the property line...

Woe is me...woe is anyone who has 10 people or more in their home on any given day, and no water...lovely, sweet, pure, clear, water, but i digress.

The water man came out, shut off my water, said i had a broken line, and needed to fix it, but they would probably help me out..

The head water man Abe came out today, with his helper in the(uphill both ways), and tried to temporarily repair the line...turns out it is on the water companies side, and i don't have to pay for the water, or the repair.

I currently have enough water that the toliets are filling, and we can brush our teeth, and our faces, but not much else. The trickle is smaller than my pinky finger, and while they are going to try and improve the situation, until the weather clears out, there isn't a whole lot they can do..

It snowed all day, and is supposed to snow tomorrow, and then the weather is supposed to go from snowy and cold to frigid...i am praying that we do not have a blizzard or an ice storm..it is supposed to be a high of 21, and a low of 8...for the sake of my water man, i am praying it is over quickly, as he is unable to shut off the water to repair the leak, and it will be a wet fix..

For this moment, I will be grateful for flushing my toliets, and not having to haul the water from Andrew and Tiffs, for this moment, i will be grateful for being able to brush my teeth without having to hunt down a bottle of water. For this moment, I will be grateful for being able to wash my face tonight, without all the trouble of last night. For this moment I will be grateful. Everything else, I will worry about tomorrow

updating life

I realised tonight, that i need my pictures updated as well as my life. I have been so caught up in the everyday and mundane, that i sometimes loose sight of the big picture..

My blog hasn't been updated in six weeks, as i have soldiered through kidney infections, Ben having more health problems, problems with my auto-immune diseases, and the holidays.

The craziness of cooking Thanksgiving for a small army of people..better known as my family, plus a few extras. I served 19 people that day.

We then jumped to Christians' 5th birthday with a party and dinner for the family, i think there were about 25 people at the house. Two weeks later Alexandra went from a 2 year old to a precocious 3 year old. She has changed so much lately. Then of course, my baby girl Nicole turned 15 on the 21st...

Meanwhile, back at the farm, secret shopping, crazy wrapping partys in my bedroom until 2:00 in the morning with the help of Tiffiany, our exchange student Yo, and Niki...the wrapping went on for days..

Lola invaded Santas' hiding space on Christmas Eve, and started dragging things out of hiding while we were distracted..she also hid 4 of Nicoles gifts, and began unwrapping them for her, and passing them out..i am sensing a conspiracy here...

Ben took the girls and i to the Nutcracker, my favorite event of the year, criss-crossed with chaperoning field trips, spending the day in Christians class-room, attending childrens Christmas parties...no wonder i am such a nut, when i write it down my exhaustion makes sense..

I am going to try to look at the big picture this year. I want to spend more time in prayer, and less time complaining. I have so much to be grateful for, and so many people that bless my life. I am going to remember each day to be content with these things, and not mention everyday, i am sick of the mess, the dishes, the dusting and sweeping the laundry, and the laundry...and remember how much i love these crazy messy people i live with.

Somehow, in the midst of the madness, i am going to make time for me, and my husband, because when i am stressed out, and burnt out, in the end it helps no one, not my husband, not my children, and certainly not me.

everything sounds cuter when you are 2

I love listening to Alexandra talk...she really has a fantastic vocabulary for a little girl who is not yet 3...but, i have to admit my favorite words and phrases are the ones she makes up..

She talks about hippolagatamus', and her ya-ya mommy(Ashley), I am mommy-mommy..and her Nik-Nik, and Bubba..and other words, i am not really certain how to spell..

I also love how things sound so much better, when they are duckies, and juicey, and milky...and even eggesy..

I am more easily persuaded to make scrambled eggs and toast when it is eggesy with brown bread..no r's pronounced..

Life is sweet, and goes by so very fast, so it is time to get off here, rock my baby, with her favorite bookie, and blankie and dollies, and miss bunny...then we're off to bed

fall activities

We spent a busy week, with a party at head-start..trick-or-treating at the tribal offices all over the world with Christian, Lola and bus loads full of little ones..it was insane...

Nicole had 2 scrimmages this week, Connor had his final foot-ball game, and Jon is full-swing in basketball..

Every time i tell myself, i have to simplify and just not do something, i do something...it is so crazy...Sean had a party on fri, but i stayed home...

We went to a wedding on Sat. and then to the fall-fest at a church in Wewoka...we do this instead of trick-or-treating..the whole door to door thing gives me a head-ache..the kids enjoy the games and they get candy too...

Monday, i am chaperoning with 2 other adults the gifted and talented kids as they attend the Phantom of the Opera Ballet...i am looking forward to this trip, i am on the g&t committee, and have 3 kids in the program..

Wed. , i am going to the pumpkin patch with Christians class, and then i will probably check myself into the funny farm for a good long rest..for all my good intentions, it always seems all their special activities fall at the same time, and who do i say no too...i feel like i miss so many of their activities..

I battle the flare-ups and exhaustion that go with auto-immune diseases, some days, my body will just not go, and i can't sit on bleachers, and keep up with the demands of a large family, and then in between i push myself too hard, and then the cycle repeats..

Simplify, balance, sanity....i need to just remind myself over and over, that no one wins, when i am down..

Autumn has arrived

The weather here is finally turning, and it is about stinking time..we had a blistering hot summer, and I am so ready for the cool mornings of Fall.

Our leaves are gradually changing colors and starting to drop all over the property..which makes a beautiful backdrop, and a great thing to throw at your brothers and sisters..

I didn't get any of my fall decorations out yet, fall break was so hectic with the kids going here and there, and Ben completely down with gout, I couldn't get up into the closet to wrestle with things..

We do have some pumpkins and squash on the porch, on a tablecloth..maybe i should just throw some leaves over the whole scene , and call it decorated..

Tomorrow Christian has a halloween party at pre-k, and goes trick or treating at the tribal offices thurs. no school on friday for him..

Sean and Jon, have a party at school on Friday.. tonight is the weenie roast in Spaulding, but, i am not sure i will be back from my Dr. appt. in Okc in time to attend...I would cancel, but i have had such a flare up lately, it probably would be a bad idea..

Connors' last football game is tonight in Maud, which I will miss, and Nicoles' 1st basketball scrimmage is at 4:00..Andrew and Tiff are going to stand in for me..and bring Nicole home..

I really don't feel very motivated right now..yes, i would like to see the decorations up, but no i don't want to do it..i almost killed myself last week repairing my kitchen after my boys had been in charge for a short time...6 hours of scrubbing saints in heaven preserve me..and then there was the hall closet that had become impassible or is it impossible, i am not sure which...that was an all day job...especially with Sean, Christian and Alexandra rolling in the blankets, coats and costumes...and now if i was an exceptionally clever and witty person, i would tie this all up in a neat little package..However, I have dogs barking, a little girl perched on my leg, socks and towels all over my living room..and who knows what lurking in the hiding places of my home..

It is time to be off this thing and back to work..because there are 2 rules of housekeeping..1 a mothers' work is never done...2..when in doubt refer back to rule number 1..

grown-ups

Sometimes, I just hate being a grown-up, I hate acting like a grown-up, I frankly don't want to be the grown-up...

Take last night for example, I was at the schools large fundraiser...the fall carnival...I absolutely hate going...It doesn't really sound like it should be up there with a root canal, but trust me..i find it agony..

Why, it is really pretty simple and straightforward..most of the events take place in the elementary building and "little gym"...a one corridor school wing with 90% of the occupants of our town packed in there..unattended children of all ages..behaving as unattended children do..pushing, line cutting, strollers, hot, and lots of people..

I do this every year, and smile while i do it..then there are the extrem people..the ones my husband can never figure out who they are, and they smile, wave and talk to us like old friends...and he says under his breath, who the hell is that?????

I guess i just reach my saturation point...too many people, too tight an area, money actually evaporating out of my pocket..It is the elementary schools primary fund-raiser, and 1 of many for the upper grades...so i go, and i support..

How many people actually know you, my husband asks, as I smile, nod and wave my way through the crowd..know me..i mean actually none..but, I am the infamous Tucker Mother, the mother of 9, and they all know who I am...Either, they were teen-agers when ours were younger, and I knew them then, or they have children in the same class as some of ours..or, I have just pointed out as the crazy women with so many children..

How does she do it? Why does she do it? What makes her do it? When 2 are more than anyone can handle...I guess the answer is she wants to, and more importantly she is called to ...

No wonder they all know who I am...with so many children circling around me, I tend to stand out...even in a crowd...

Rejoice in the Lord, always, and again I say rejoice.

It isn't everyday, that we are actually, physically able to see the answer to a prayer.

Last Spring I began praying for a young, teenage girl in our area...she was pregnant, and her mother was insisting on an abortion...I prayed daily for the safety of this unborn child, and the child that was carrying her, and for the grandmother..

This week, a little miracle was born..she is healthy, she is beautiful, she is loved and welcomed by her entire family.

Thank you Lord, for allowing me to see this blessing come to life.

This little blessing has a name, they call her Abigail.

dreaming

It was really one of those pinch me, I am dreaming moments, when Ben purchased me a ticket to visit Laura in Fla.

I hadn't seen her in 18 years...would time and distance change our friendship...would we still be so connected after all these years..would she still love me, and see me as I am...

I walked off the plane and she was waiting for me as I left security...I ran into her arms and we both cried..instead of 2 45 year old women...that have been through so many challenges, we were actually still those teen-age girls...

We spent an entire week laughing...we laughed about everything, and everybody...we laughed at ourselves, we laughed at people we hadn't seen in years, we laughed until we cried...and when it came time for me to go home, we cried...

While time has definitely changed us...it was really remarkable that in that grown womans body..my pre-teen friend was still lurking...the girl i dressed like, danced with, laughed with...grew up together...some things never change..I am so grateful my Laura is one of them...

homecoming 2010

We had a wonderful time at Homecoming on Friday Night..Our favorite candidate..Nicole Tucker of course...she looked absolutely stunning in her bdarling dress..

She decided she wanted to ride in the back of the pick-up, which we decorated with posters, and tissue paper flowers...the flower girl, and crown-bearer rode with her..

The boys won their first football game of the season..a great night for all the girls..and boys..

Friday Night football, Sak-town Style..

File it under stupid questions

Yes, I have 9 children, Yes, I know what causes it, any other stupid questions..Yes, I have a television, I even watch it, sometimes, why do you ask?

oops i forgot

How did i forgot to blog for an entire month..I am not really sure..I actually thought I had blogged, how crazy is that..

Things are busy..as usual..School is back in full swing..Connor is playing JV football..Nicole just finished her softball season today, and starts basketball practice on Monday.

Christian is attending head-start sometimes..we are not the best at getting there..he isn't a morning person, and wrestling first thing in the morning is hard on the Mama..

Jon and Sean are both doing really well in school..if we don't count the 3 fights Sean has been in .

Ashley loves college, loves living in the dorm. and she and her room-mate get along like they have known each other a very long time, not 6 weeks..

Ben, has decided I am over-worked, over-stressed, and over-whelmed..he is sending me on vacation for a week in Fla. I am going to be visiting one of my dearest friends..she and I will be spending some much needed time together..I haven't seen her in the flesh in 18 years..where did the time go..

I am really going to try and remember, not to forget blogging..it is something i enjoy...now if i can only focus..

feast of the assumption

Sunday was the feast of the assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary..It was a beautiful mass attended by almost the entire family..almost...

It was the occasion of Sean Patricks' First Holy Communion..I must admit, that as the Mom of many life sometimes just seems so routine..been there, done that..but, this morning, as i knelt beside my young son, who had just received the precious gift of our Lord, and prayed for him,i cried tears of joy..

Thank you Lord, for the gift of self you continue to give us, and the gift of my dear wild son..in this quiet moment in your presence, we were one..

Thank you for the gift of the moment, and the realisation that in the familiar, there is still a newness we can only find in you..

schooldays

Today was the first day of school, and i am glad things went so well for everyone, even if the crazy coach thinks 107 degree weather is suitable for practicing softball, while he sat his happy ass in the shade...

I know someone who is getting a phone call in the morning...other than that, singing, dancing and cartwheels are in order...

Ashley moves into the dorms on saturday, and starts classes on monday...my life will have a new normal..