Be still

I had a terrible night last night, i really couldn't sleep because i was in so much pain, and then i watched some really sweet(incredibly sappy) movie on the hallmark channel until 3:00 a.m. I tried to talk myself into sleeping, nope, couldn't read . My eyes were burning. I laid there. It was one of those catholic offer it up moments.

Alexandra woke up at 6:00, Christian shortly after that, and then Sean Patrick. I had all three little ones in my bed, i was so exhausted, i was too tired to move. All the teen-agers in my house were blissfully asleep. Sean said Mama the sun is up, we need to get out of bed. I sent Sean in search of big children. It took awhile, but finally Nicole heard us, and got up. I told her to wake up the other children(drag them out by their hair), feed the babies breakfast, and keep an eye on things.

I left strict instructions, i was going to go to sleep. Do not come in my room unless someone is bleeding to death or the house is on fire. Do not bring me the phone, and do not come in to tell on each other. I had a migraine starting due to lack of sleep, so i put the corn sack on my head, took a pain pill, pulled the covers up and slept. I slept about 3 hours, and started to think i may someday be human again. I got up and put my clothes on, and after deciding that required a lot of effort, i made my bed, then i went back to bed.

I have a real thing about messy beds, and wrinkled sheets, and my covers, but that's a whole other quirk...Nicole said why did you put your dress on to go back to bed. You have been really sick, you could stay in your pajamas, if Ben came in with me in my pajamas , he would think i was dying, so i get dressed.

A few hours later, i got up and put my make-up on and curled my hair, and where do you think your going? the little chorus sang. No-where was my reply, your Daddy will be coming home soon, and i want to look presentable. Ashley said, after 25 years hasn't Daddy seen you any way possible? I suppose he has, but i always want him to think i made the effort to look nice just for him.

I was very grateful i did, a short time later, when i was laying down with Alexandra for her(our) nap, Fr. Adrian came to see me. I didn't know he was coming, and was glad i had a dress and some make-up on. I was also glad the house was pretty clean.

He visited with me a short time, annointed me with chrism oils, and gave me communion. He said vbs was going great, and the children and i were missed, but there would be next year, and it wasn't something to worry about.

He said what more can you do, than what you can do. Offer up the pain, discouragement, and suffering for the benefit of the body of Christ. Everyone needs prayer, and you are in special position to work for the benefit of those around you through your prayers.

He asked how i was dealing with the frustration, and i told him, i just try to get through each day, and take things one day at a time. I am really trying to focus and meditate on the scripture the Lord keeps leading me to...Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that i am God.

God whispers to us in the stillness, and in the busyness of everyday life, i may not be still enough to hear the whispers. I have spent the past 2 days mostly in bed, but i don't think that is the stillness exactly. My spirit needs to be still, so for now i will try to learn what i am being taught in this season of my life, i will try not to push myself so hard, i will try not to be so critical of myself or others, i will try to be still.

I will spend my time not being irritated with myself for what i am unable to do, but rejoice in the things i am still able to do, and most of all i will pray...Rejoice in the Lord always, and again i say rejoice....