a year in a day

I am so forgetful, live is full and hectic, and often overwhelming. I seem to forget to take time to reflect and think, and put the days experiences into perspective.

I am rolling with the punches, going with the flow, and losing something in the process. How to balance life and chores and pain, the needs and expectations of others, nourish my spirit, and not go completely over the edge into full blown craziness?

Today, I am going to remember to focus, and remember to pray, over up the pain and struggles I am faced with everyday, and start fresh.

My family is growing, My older children are now young adults, I have a beautiful new granddaughter, and I am watching the middle group of children grow and mature into wonderful teenagers. I have 4 teenagers, 3 at home, 1 middle and 2 littles...2 married sons, 2 daughter-in-laws, and of course that wonderful grandgirl.

My beloved and i are sneaking up on 28 years of marriage, and I wonder how that is possible...how did time begin to change...when did days turn to moments...years to days..

Jonathan

Jonathan recently announced to me, that I haven't blogged in months. You are so behind Mom, and it is no fun to keep rereading your old posts. You need to get with it.

I will admit to being completely overwhelmed by life and health issues. With childrens' field trips and sports activities, with trying( and the operative word is trying) to maintain a home for so many people when my body just doesn't want to cooperate.

I have had new and worsening symptoms this spring, and the emotional roller-coaster of dealing with the cause of my miscarriages..It is a strange time in my life. I have to accept the fact that any future pregnancies will probably result in loss, and that my baby days are over.

God has seen fit to give me a consolation through this trial. I still have 2 young ones that provide the joy and laughter only toddlers can provide, but I have going to be a grandmother.

My son Kyle and his wife Timmi are expecting their first child in November, and we are all so excited.

I have taken a lot of teasing from the kids about being Grandma, Grammy, Memaw, Granny, Maw, whatever they can think of...and I said bring it on...I don't care what the baby calls me, my heart is overjoyed...on an ornery note, I keep telling Ben, I have never slept with a Grandpa before, and delight in calling him Pops...

Birthday Madness

It seems everytime i turn around, it is someones birthday...Andrew Feb.6, Kyle, March1, my Mom, Granny, sisters, the birthdays are crazy...

I still have to take Kyle and Timmi out to dinner, and send Fr. Matthew birthday greetings, He turned 89 this week, and is still going strong...he gives me the lecture, why when he was my age, he could have run circles around me...

I tell him, the good lord gave you an iron constitution, and he gave me 9 children and 4 auto-immune diseases...so I can't keep up with a man who is twice my age...motherhood has consolations...i am sure in time, i will be able to appreciate my diagnosis, and find consolation in it...for now i just do the best i can...

I have hidden what i have for so long, until i could no longer hide it, and have to say outloud, yes, i have this, no i am not just skipping out on ball games, my body is skipping out on me...

Jonathan is still wanting to have a houseful of boys over for a game day, as we had no water, and a blizzard during his birthday...why not it will be great fun...a ball game at Tucker field and a mess of boys to eat me out of house and home...oh wait, i already have that....

Next up on the birthday list...my daughter in law Timmi...she will be 20, and then later in April my dear Sean Patrick will turn 8...we will have a small birthday break , which will coincide with little league base-ball, and the older childrens seasons...soft-ball, track, base-ball..

The consolations of motherhood..

life, liberty and pursuit of happiness...

There you have it, my dear girl has said out loud, what i have been thinking she was thinking.. it goes something like this...if i live at home, there are rules, if i live at home, there are chores, if i live at home, there are people there that think rules and chores, need to be obeyed...those people take away cars...


If i stay in the dorms this summer, i will have to go to classes, and do more class work, but the rules, and chores are my own.....

I could take the summer off, and get a job for the summer, and stay at home, but those pesky parents and rules swarm me like mosquitos...and all those children, i love them, but they are so loud, and all over me...

I want to see my boyfriend any time i please, and not have anyone tell me no...no you can't go out to the bridge, no you can't spend the night at Josh's Grandmas, no, it just doesn't look nice...like i care what anyone thinks...I am 18, I am a college student, I am supposed to have fun,I am supposed to do whatever I want to do, I am an adult...I am not doing anything wrong...I just sleep on the futon...at his friends grandmas it is no big deal mom...don't roll your eyes, and get all mom on me...

This conversation has been provided courtesy of my active imagination and my beautiful 18 daughter Ashley Catherine Julieanne...the college student...to be continued..

incoming

We have been collecting water, buying groceries, planning meals, and in general taking note of what we have, and what we may need..

We are in the line of fire for an incoming weather front. While the counties above us are supposed to get snow, we are supposed to get ice...ice is bad...ice causes power failures..power failures mean we only have a fireplace for heat, a campstove for cooking, and candles for light...it means as soon as the water towers quit pumping we run out of water until they can bring in generators...It also means my fragile sanity takes a beating...

It is very difficult on the little ones, not to be able to go outside and play...they play tag in the house, and all sorts of loud activities, that fray fragile nerves...they whoop and hollar and quarrel...they act like children...

Ben is still working on setting up our new pellet stove, and as temperatures plummet this week, it will be a struggle just to stay warm with the fireplace and little heaters...i am praying that the storm misses completely....and I am dreaming of warm tropical places, and drinks with little umbrellas in them...but, just in case, i have a Dr. Pepper, and emergency chocolate bar hidden in my dresser, we have collected water, and have some food in the pantry...what happens next is out of my hands...and his eye is on the sparrow, and i know he watches me...

it is a battle

I have been battling this last round of kidney infections since Dec. The battle wax and wanes...sometimes I think the battle is over, and then the infection pops up again..

I spent yesterday in the office of a new urologist...it was unpleasant, but he was kind..i feel a little more hopeful this is a battle that can be won...or maybe just managed?

I have so much that really needs to be done today, and as i survey the damage done to my home in the 2 days I was gone for tests, tests, and more Dr. office fun...I just want to go crawl back into my bed...

It really isn't that bad, and i could probably restore order in a few hours, but that is energy i just don't have right now...I also have birthday cakes to bake for Aarons dinner tonight...and my body just wants to go lay down...

I would use my will power, and just force myself to push on...but, i have done that for so long, I just don't have any push left in me...maybe later...but for now, I think I am going back to bed...

Happy Birthday

Our first birthday of the New Year, and today is Jonathan Camerons 12th Birthday...Happy, Happy Day to Jonny Blue Eyes, Jonny B Good, Jonny Man, the Mail Man..the Great Blondini...

You were a joy and delight the day you were born, and you still are..you are way up there on the ornery scale, but no one is more caring and loving...I am blessed by you, and thank God for my sweet if not slightly ornery 4th son..

I look forward so much to seeing the man you will grow into..