how do you spell miracle

I knew even after the devastating loss of Luke, I wanted to have another baby, I also knew it would take time to heal. It was a very difficult spring and summer, i was unusually quiet. One Sunday morning, Sept 15, 2002 on the feast day of our Lady of Sorrows, we arrived early to put flowers on Lukes' grave and on the altar at church. I felt very ill at church, and passed out in the parking lot. Friends drove us home, and that's how my roller coaster ride began. I spent the first 3 months on and off bed-rest. They let me up, but on limited activity after i lost Seans' twin brother.

I took progesterone injections 3 times a week until my 7th month, and just when we thought things were calming down, i had the most horrendous attack of pain in my life, I thought i was dying, and passed out from the pain. Ben found me, and off we went to my Drs' office. In 5 minutes the Dr. had diagnosed the pain and nausea I had been suffering from for months. My regular Dr. attributed the pain to grief, not severe gall-bladder disease.

I can't do anything half-way, and since i had just entered my 7th month, they would have to remove my gall-bladder with a full abdominal incision, which would send me into premature labor, blah, blah, blah.

I was hospitalized with severe dehydration, premature labor, and too much protein in my urine the end of March. The Dr. intended to deliver after May 5, which was 4 weeks early, my due date was May 28. I was frightened and lonely, and very far away from home. I saw the other children only twice during this ordeal. Ben would drive up on his days off and stay at the hospital with me. Phone calls from family and friends, visits from the chaplain staff worked to keep my spirits up.

By the end of April, I was in such bad shape, my Dr. decided to send me to labor and delivery, she said my life was at risk, and i needed to deliver. I argued, cried, begged, I was terrified if something went wrong, it would be my fault. A very kind nurse, reminded me I was in the best hospital in the state, with one of the best NICU in the country, and my Dr., she was the absolute best. I gave in. As I was already in labor, they gave me my epidural, and let me rest, then the crazy nurse wouldn't leave me alone, turning me this way and that way...She did everything but stand me on my head... A few minutes later, my Dr, and her partner were in my room explaining the baby was in distress, and we were headed to the OR now...

Sean Patrick Charles was born just a few minutes later, he spent 3 days in the Nicu, but made a full recovery. I had my gallbladder removed 2 days later, and we came home from the hospital when Sean was 9 days old. I was in bad shape for a while there. My older children took turns taking care of us until school let out. Nicole who was only 7 bathed, and rocked, changed diapers and would whisper to her baby brother, I'm your other mother.

No one would ever know my wild child had such a rocky start in this world. He is full of energy, and attacks the world at full speed. He is exceptionally smart, extremely stubborn, and is not sure he needs to take no for an answer. My parents said it is my own fault. I gave him a full blown irish name, for my full blown irish heritage. Kyle picked his first name, we were undecided for quite a while, and Kyle said what about Sean. I thought we might as well make my Mom and Dad happy with Patrick for my Mom Patti and Charles for my Dad.

We are having a family party for Sean and he wants a rock band to play, so all the big ones agreed to play and sing for him, so he can have a real band play for his party. I have a million things to do tomorrow including making a cake that looks like BatMan. Thank Goodness Ben is going to buy the pizzas' that will save me and Kyle a lot of extra work.

Happy 6th Birthday, Sean Patrick Charles, you have brought such joy to my life, i love you

blessings

For several months Ben has had abnormal blood work. Not that anything about him falls in the range of normal, but this was very scary. He was anemic, and his blood platelets were between 35,000 and 44,000. This is below in the cellar, and the nurse wanted me to check him for unusual bruising, and if he began to bleed go to the ER immediately.

After the 3rd abnormal test, his cardiologist set him up with a Dr. he went to school with. Dr. Reynolds is a hematologist/oncologist. I just kept praying dearGod no, please no. We have been through so much, and we are so content right now, i just didn't think i had the strength to face another major crisis. The Cardiologist didn't want to waste precious time waiting to find out what was going on, because if it was serious, we might need that time for something else.

Ben was very calm about the whole thing, but he would talk about dying, and that it was okay, but he was worried about me and the children. One night after he had one of his dying conversations with me, i broke down crying. I told him, I will face whatever i have to when the time comes, but i don't want to deal with it prematurely.

Yesterday,we went to see Dr. Reynolds. I was so sick to my stomach, i thought i was going to throw up . There were several people in the office that day for chemotherapy, and it had me pretty rattled. Honestly, i was terrified. Bens' Dad, and Uncle both died from cancer, and he already had a heart attack last year, and the stints put in. He said, i just hope i didn't get the bad heart from my moms' side, and the cancer from my Dads.

The nurses were amazing. They tried to put us at ease, asked us if we were married, how long, if we had children, the usual questions. The nurse almost fell over when she found out how many children we had. She was reading their names on Bens' tattoo, all of these are yours together.

The Dr. was also wonderful to us. He spent a lot of time getting to know us as a couple and reviewing Bens' medical history. They did their own testing at the office, and Bens' platelets were better than normal, they were now 389,000 and no sign of anemia. The Dr. said it was a happy day for him, because it was the one time in every 6 months or so that he got to tell someone there was absolutely nothing wrong with them. I was so overcome, i didn't know whether to hug his neck, laugh, or cry. I think it was a combination of the 3. I was so happy to tell the nurse we didn't have to come back.

The only explanation he had was perhaps they were drawing his blood in the wrong type of tube for him, and his blood was clumping , and the count was inaccurate. I don't know, I really don't care , my husband is fine, and i feel like we have a whole new life to live. I know scary can be right around the corner, but for today all I can say is Praise God from whom all blessings flow, praise him all creatures, here below.....

On the ride home from Mercy Hospital, I looked up and saw a huge billboard with the picture of a sunrise on it. It said "Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10 ...I was completely floored. There on a billboard was a reminder of Gods' love and faithfulness for the likes of me.

I may be rambling today, i am not sure, after all the children went to bed, we locked ourselves in our bedroom turned on some soft music, and drank a bottle of champagne, we didn't go to sleep until well after 2:00am, life is sweet, but the consequences can be hard.

dating

I told the children when they were young, they had to wait until they were 16 to date. The boys didn't really date at all. They met the girls liked them, and started bringing them over. The week Ashley turned 16, i told her, i had serious reservations about the whole way dating is done, and i had changed my mind. She was upset with me, but nothing really happened until this week.

A young man that has been around for a long time, would come and talk to me when the children were in school, he shared that he had always had feelings for Ashley and always would. He was going to wait until she was ready to date him. He told Tiffiany he wanted to ask Ashley on a date, and what should he do....She said don't ask Mom, she'll say no. Ask Dad, thats your best chance, and by the way, Ashley can't go anywhere without a chaperone, we'll go with you.

He came over tuesday afternoon, and asked to speak privately with my husband. They had a man to younger man talk, and my husband said he could take her to dinner. Off she went on her first date, with her older brother and sister-in-law. They had a very nice time. This week they want to go to the movie, and Nicole and Tiffiany have agreed to go with them.

He told Ashley, I never knew anyone who sent chaperones on dates. She said, you have just never known anyone like my Mama and Daddy. They love me, and want to protect me. He said when can we go out on our own? I told her she can go on dates alone, when she is married....or when her father says otherwise.

It is time to straighten everything up around here, and make sure my bull isn't in the ditch.

your'e in a ditch

I talked to Granny yesterday regarding my little problem. I asked her if i should continue to clean on Sunday afternoons to please and honor my husband who works Thursday-Sunday and likes to come in Sunday night to a clean house. I have wondered if i was sinning by cleaning, and not keeping the sabbath.

Granny said there are 2 opinions on this . Papa Magar felt you should do no work, no matter what, but she said Grandpa R.C. had a biblical view also, and she felt that it was really more practical, and applicable to my life.

Granny said baby girl (it is so nice, to be the mother of so many, and still be someones' baby girl) your bull is in the ditch, and when your bull is in the ditch, you pull it out.

I feel at peace with her wisdom, she said God placed my husband in authority over me, and I was honoring God by honoring my husband. So i am going to follow her advice and pull that bull out of the ditch.

deja'-vu

Have you ever had one of those days, where everything that happened was been there done that. I am not referring to the repetitiveness of housework or even training children, because they are always different even though they are the same. I am really talking about life experiences.

Yesterday, Sean Patricks' kindergarten class was taking a field trip to the Jasmine Moran childrens museum. I had not been there since Ashley was little, and I went with Nicole and Connor to her field trip. I show up an experienced Mama with 2 littles in tow. I paid and went in. I started looking at the parents there on the trip. I have had children enrolled in this school since 1995, being a small community everyone knows everybody. I saw Shannon and her little boys, she graduated while the children were still small. Then I saw Billie Jo (our Billie) she babysat for me all through high-school, and is really a part of our family. Angel and Vanessa were Billie Jo's classmates, they both have little ones. I saw Casha, she is a year older than Andrew, she has 2 little girls. It was very strange. I am on the field trip with all these Moms' that i knew as girls, and they're now moms. They all wave and say hi Ms. Tucker or Ms. Kim, in oklahoma, it is bad manners for a child to call an adult by their first name.

To continue with my weird day, Jonathan brought me a note from one of his friends' mother. They wanted him and Connor to come over spend the night, and then go to his birthday party at his older sisters' house Sat. in Latta. I read the note and just laughed, I asked Jonathan if he had met Kenneths' Mother? He said yes, I then asked if she knew his last name was Tucker, he wasn't sure. I just kept laughing and shaking my head. He finally couldn't stand it anymore, and asked what was so funny. I explained his friend Kenneth was the half-brother of Josh and Jesse Van Tassel, and Sun-hawk and Nashoba Hill. These young men now 21,20 and 19 spent so much time at my home over the years. Andrew and Kyle camped in the woods with these boys, went fishing and hunting, swung off rope swings into the river, chased lizards, you name it these boys did it, and they did it together. Seasons of my life, watching these boys grow to men playing football all on the same team, playing base-ball and us Tag-teaming who they all were going home with after the baseball game. You couldn't take just 1 it was all. The list included Andrew,Kyle(brothers)Jesse, andJoshua(brothers)Sun-Hawkand Nashoba(brother) Phillipe(cousin), and may include other stragglers.

Now I find that while the big boys are working in North Carolina, and Jesse and Josh are at college, their baby brother and Mom are back. She never put 2and 2 together and come up with Jonathan and Connor. Jon doesn't look much like his older brothers. When Precious got directions to our house from Jonathan it hit her. She was stunned, she knew i had younger children, but she had lost count, and i hadn't seen her in years.

She jumped out of her and came running across the yard she reached Ashley first and just hugged her, then she threw her arms around me and said it is so good to be home. She asked if the boys could go with them to Feclia's house to help in the garden and play in the woods, It is so funny that all the big boys that spent so much time in my home, my younger sons, are playing and hanging out with their younger brothers.

These little boys that have grown up to be men, still stop in to see me when they come home, they hug me, and are on their best behaviour. It seems like I am starting over again, how does that go different verse, same as the first. I have a feeling we are going to be seeing a lot of Kenneth and Vicente over the summer. Now if I can survive once again all the mischief a herd of young boys can think of getting into, that will be the question.

I think for today, I will enjoy the quiet and just stay home....

be still

I spent all of last week in a whirlwind. Rushing around, getting things ready for prom, and trying to keep up with all my household duties shorthanded. Sunday morning when i got out of bed, I could barely walk, standing was painful, and my entire body hurt. I know the weather contributed to my pain, but i just don't seem to be able to follow Dr.s orders.

My rheumatologist has little idea what my days are like. When they asked me just what do you do, it irritated me, and i almost told them, i sit on my behind, eat bonbons, and wrangle cats and unruly chickens. If you don't have a large family, you really can't relate to all the work that has to be done.

I have for the most part ignored the part about slowing down and resting everyday. Ben is insisting i delegate more, and work less. This weekend, I am going to finally to finish each childs individual chore chart. I have a master list, that i work from, but maybe if they see it in black and white it will help keep them on track.

Sunday , while i was praying a scripture popped into my head. I thought about it all day. I think i need to listen to these little bits of wisdom, i know i am doing too much, and i have been trying to reconcile, honoring the sabbath, by not doing regular housework, and honoring my husband who works thursday-sunday and likes coming home sunday night to a house that is very clean. it is his Friday night, and he wants to come in and relax, with no clutter, floors swept, kitchen clean, no laundry visible...I am not really sure what to do about this, it really helps to ban the children and there things from my bedroom, and keeping it a haven for us. I am not sure how to keep the house ready for him Sun. Evening without working all Sunday afternoon. The childrens 3 day weekends really have taken a toll by then.

I guess i will continue to pray about it, and ask Granny what she think, she is awfully smart...oh and that scripture God sent my way this week...Psalm 46-10 Be still and know I am God.

prom 2009

Friday Night Sasakwa High School Jr. Sr. Prom was held at the East Central University Ballroom.. That sounds so simple, however, nothing that ever happens around here is simple..Ben insisted I take tuesday, our anniversary off from my regular chores, and wednesday the children had our party. Thursday, Ashley had an appointment to get her nails and toes done, she was also on the prom committee, and spent all week working on cut-outs and painting decorations.

Friday morning she and Tiffiany left at 8:30 am to go decorate and then head to the salon for their hair & make-up appointments . They planned to be home by 4:30, but things never, ever go as planned. I was supposed to start Timmis' hair at 3:00, but she didn't get here until 3:40. Things went pretty quickly, and I had her ready in plenty of time. With all the excitement, and planning, everyone thought someone told me that the entire group of teenagers was meeting at my house.

The first to show up was Tiffianys' mother, step-dad, and cousins, her mother through a full blown conniption fit on my porch because the girls had not returned from their appointments. She was thoroughly disgusted, that i had not been calling on the cell-phone to track them down.
I calmly informed that Tiff as she is wont to do had misplaced her cell-phone. Well, then she yelled call Ashleys'. I had to break the sad news to her, that Ashley does not have a cell-phone.

She went back to Andrews' to wait for Tiffiany so she could pounce on her the moment she got back. Andrew to his credit didn't ruffle, didn't care, and continued to play his game...He couldn't get dressed because the girls had picked up his tux for him, and so it went.

People began to show up at my house, Kyle and Timmi, Elmer, Shayla and Lane, Jordan, parents still no girls..about 5:20 they showed up, Tiffiany and her Mom got into an argument...Shayla and I distracted the Mom so the girls could all get dressed, in my bedroom with all the girls jammed in there trying to help everyone at the same time, get into their gowns....I had to get out the duck tape to keep the girls bras in place, as they wanted to show.

Ben managed to miss all the excitement, and couldn't figure out why clothes were thrown all over our bedroom, and none of them were mine, it looked like a tornado struck. The sun came out just in time to dry up the worst puddles, after everyone got their flowers exchanged and pinned on, we trooped out front to take pictures.

All of the couples looked very nice. We managed to get everyones picture taken, and then they all took off in a whirlwind to go eat supper at Applebees. They didn't care about being late for prom, their only time constraint was showing up in time for the promenade.

Yes, I said promenade...here, they still line up all the couples, and they walk across the walkway and down a flight of stairs where parents, and family members gather to ooh and aah at the girls beautiful dresses. I told Jordan to hold on tight to Ashley, I live in fear of her falling and reinjuring her hip. It would break my heart if she ended up back in that wheelchair. She made it just fine. She and Jordan looked great. Her royal blue dress, and his black on black tux really worked well together.

Tiffiany promised to post some pictures for me, I was really proud of all the children/oops, i mean young adults...after prom this high-tone group went to the 24 hour McDonalds for a gourmet snack of french fries and chocolate milk shakes....and after all i went through, getting these girls ready to go, they didn't bring me anything...Oh well, a moment on the lips....